soldier.

it's 3.50 am. merry Xmas.

if you think about it, you would envy the life of a soldier. really.

basically, a soldier gets sent to boot camp. he goes through basic training. his sole purpose is to train himself to be the best he can be. eliminate weakness as best he can and exploit his own talents to his own advantage. the best ones get chosen to lead. the rest follow.

when he gets out of boot camp and begins his 'service' - if there's a war - he'll be sent to wherever the war is at. this is where the training is put to practical use. in a war, if you don't overcome your own weaknesses - you die. however, if you do overcome, conquer and rise above your weaknesses and become a better soldier - you get promoted in the ranks.

at the end of your 'service' - assuming you survive all the wars and politics. you retire. you take it easy. you reflect. and then you rest in peace.

that's life isn't it? in a nutshell - that's life.

but lets take this metaphor a step further.

lets take a 'soldier' and a 'politician'.

the soldier's life is the one i would want. your purpose is simpler. the BIG plan is up to the politicians. as a soldier, i carry out all my orders to the best of my abilities provided the basic principle of why i became a soldier is kept in view.

meaning to say - using the 'soldier' metaphor. if i became a soldier because i want to serve my country. because i want to protect my home. because i want to rid the world of tyranny. as long as the orders i am given are in line with objectives like that. i will follow. if something is 50/50 - i carry my orders out cause as a soldier - that is what i signed up for.

BUT - i believe in the notion of an IDEALISTIC soldier. if at the end of the day, all my orders did not lead to any of my objectives. that is when i will put a stop to the bad orders. or just not carry them out anymore.

but it's easy to say that by doing that - i am promoting terrorism innit?

there's no easy way to describe what i'm trying to articulate here or possibly i lack the level of articulation required at this point.

but lemme attempt to do so - if you know the movie GLADIATOR. MAXIMUS, the character played by Russel Crowe. that is the soldier i aspire to be. a leader among soldiers. none of the politics. no bullshit. he served ROME because he believed in what ROME was trying to do. ROME wanted to unite the world in all its differences to become one. he believed ROME strived for greatness and wanted to share that greatness with the world.

in doing so, he believed he helped make the world a better place. it made the world a better place for his child. for his wife. for his family. for everyone's child, wife and family.

and if he did his job well. if he executed orders efficiently. then he could go home to his family safe in the knowledge that the world is a better place. he didn't NEED to be the leader. if there was someone more qualified and willing to take the helm - he would be willing to let that other take leadership. he became the leader because he was confident in himself and he was sure that he could do it. not out of ego. it was just belief.

he became a leader amongst soldiers because he himself was a soldier and he knew what the other soldiers wanted. and he stayed their leader for as long as they had faith in him. as he had faith in himself.

that's it. i am a simple man. i just want to go to boot camp. i just want to train myself to become a better man. the best that i can be. if i am good, i will be recognised for it without asking for the recognition. i wish to graduate out to the world and put my training to practical use. and climb ranks. and not die. but rise above and continually learn to become a better man. i seek to be a leader among soldiers. i want to have faith in myself. and hopefully, it'll all fall into place.

i am no politician. i am soldier.

that's it.

sigining off, the common jack amongst the kings and queens.

pray tell...

it's 3.30 am. i'm not asleep yet.

here's some stuff i've read but never really 'got' ie 'understood' lah. but i thought they were quite cool nevertheless. so, if you have any ideas. please, pray tell...

1st one:
one describes a tale best by telling the tale. you see? the way one describes a story, to oneself or to the world, is by telling the story. it is a balancing act and a dream.
the more accurate the map, the more it resembles the territory.
the most accurate map possible would be the territory, and thuswould be perfectly accurate and perfectly useless.

the tale is the map and that is the territory.
you must remember this.

so what was that about? :)

2nd one: i understand this one lah - but i thought i'd share it with ya...
people are in the dark, they don't know what to do,
i had a little lantern, oh but it got blown out too.
i'm reaching out my hand. i hope you are too.
i just want to be in the dark with you.
- George Brown, "In the Dark"

you know anyone you'd like to be in the dark with? :)

3rd one:
he said the dead had souls, but when i asked him how that could be - i thought the dead were souls, he broke my trance.
don't that make you suspicious that there's something the dead are keeping back?
yes, there's something the dead are keeping back.
- Robert Frost, "Two Witches".

i guess this one is pretty self explanatory but i can't help thinking that i'm missing something from this. :)

anyway, this is just me wasting some time lah.

btw, these 'quotes' are taken from the book AMERICAN GODS. a good book.

later.

signing off, the common jack amongst the kings and queens.

Not so random thoughts.

it's 2.09 am.

the quickest way to kill a Miracle would be to ask it "why, when, who, where and how?"
by asking a Miracle any question - you are stepping on it, throwing it to the ground and with each question you'd be driving a wondrous gift of life farther into the ground.

as strong and miraculous a Miracle is - questions have a kryptonite effect and a Miracle can and will die.

it happens all the time. think about it, when something bad happens - one would immediately exclaim, "WHY ME?" so perhaps it is only fair to say that when something good happens - one would ask, "why me?"

however, there are many things that we have no idea about in this world. that being said - it is perhaps prudent not to take things without question all the time. but then again, sometimes you can.

"like in the movies..."
another random thought.

i met a guy the other day. he was talking about how he knew he was in love. he had been dating her for a while. he got to know her. she got to know him. they got together. he knew he really liked her. and he guessed that she felt the same way. but he didn't know whether this was 'it'. whether this relationship would be something more than the rest he's had before.

however, one day, he was out with some of his friends. he wasn't planning on seeing his girlfriend on that day. but out of the blue - he sensed something and he turned around and he saw her(his girlfriend). she was with her own friends. as he watched her, everything else seemed to slowly fade into the background and time stood still. as she walked, oblivious to him looking at her, he noticed little details of her that he never really thought of before.

he couldn't seem to articulate the moment to me very well. he said the best way to describe it would be to say that it is like in the movies. when the guy sees the chick for the first time and everything moves in slow motion and the music plays in the background.

he told me that he didn't believe in love at first sight but now he does believe in truly seeing someone for the first time. and he 'saw' her. it never happened with anyone else before. and he doubt it will ever happen with anyone else. that's how he knew he was in love.

he said that he could just close his eyes and that moment could be replayed in his head.

sweet story eh? (either that - or you'd be thinking that it's a load of crap lah.)

but i gave it the benefit of a doubt. i thought about it myself. has it ever happened to me before? and i thought to myself - "hey, i think it did happen to me once." so maybe it's not all bullshit. :)

well, enough random thoughts lah. laters.

signing off, the common jack amongst the kings and queens.

the BIG picture.

it's 3.18 am. people tend to miss the BIG picture. the dream. the whole point of doing something, everything and anything! the BIG picture. we sometimes totally miss it, even when it is on fire and there's a big frame encompassing it painted in bright colours.

it's sad but true. we have a wide peripheral vision but there are blind spots and we are most definitely missing out sometimes.

i don't claim to be a man who gets it all the time. but i do indeed dare say that i endeavour not to miss it to the best of my abilities. after all, that's all we can do. many times in life, shit will happen. and because of that, some people just lose it. and totally lose sight of the 'bigger picture'.

i totally agree that some f*ck-ups are irreparable and that sometimes the bigger picture can be lost. however, i do not believe that the bigger picture is something that is so easily shaken. many times, the bigger picture is still there despite all of the f*ck-ups. and it is still attainable but people don't see it. they miss it. and it all becomes one big cluster of a shit situation.

see - when shit happens - as it will most definitely -(life i s realistically depressing in that sense)- then as far as i can tell, there's only one thing to do then. that is to make the best out of a bad situation. and i truly believe that more often than not, the big picture will still materialise. perhaps not in the way one would have expected but it will happen.

if i was being truly positive here, i would even go as far as to say that the BIG picture is always there. no matter what happens. it's always there. even if you keep screwing up. it's a mantle that will forever be raised above the water, above the chaos and it will survive even armaggeddon.

but let's be real here. there are lots of BIG pictures out there. and sometimes - when something really shitty happens. the BIG picture's gone and you might not even remember what it looked like in the 1st place. take for instance if X was in love with Y. and the BIG picture for X was always that he would fall in love with Y. he would marry her. he would love her with all his heart. he would stay alive for as long as he could just so that he could spend one more night holding her as they slept. this was the BIG picture for him.

this BIG picture can die. it can fall off its mantle. it can drown in the flood. if Y were to simply say that she didn't love him and that she never would.

i'm sure there are many other types of examples. but let me stick to my guns here and say that it takes a lot to kill off the BIG picture most of the time. always try to make the best out of a bad situation. life's too short not to. and if you think you're gonna live forever, well then it simply makes more sense to make the best out of a bad situation rather than to react badly to an already bad situation.

open your eyes. look at the BIG picture.

signing off, the common jack amongst the kings and queens.