the trick is...

the trick is...

the trick to not feel the shitty way i'm feeling right now. well - to remedy just 'part' of what i'm feeling right now ( which for some reason or another i can't rightly define...could be loneliness, could be dissapointment with myself, could be anger or it could even be a combination of all of it plus a lot of other things you know?) ... so the trick to not feeling 'part' of most of it is...i suppose - to master the art of being alone.

once you master the art of being alone then you'll never need anybody. fancy that huh? what life would be like when all you needed was yourself and that's plenty...it'd be interesting wouldn't it?

for one, you'd be comfortable with yourself. all your flaws - big or small ... are ok. just minor details. you wouldn't be sweating about all the small stuff. you can focus on shit that matters. and i'm talking about things that are really matters of consequence. stuff that you can reflect on and conclude quite conclusively that that's exactly what you wanted to do or want to do - as the case may be.

it is an inevitable consequence from the above that you'd then be able to solve a lot issues. life would be less complicated. it'd be easier. things would be clearer and you'd be a more purposeful person. not lost and confused and unsure. confidence would fall on your lap and flow out of your pores simply because you know what you're doing.

and come now, if you're thinking mastering the art of being alone is a chicken's way of dealing with things because you're shutting yourself up and escaping 'life' ... think again.

if you can admire someone for being brave enough to venture into the unknown - think about it - that someone is brave enough to venture into the unknown because he's not afraid of being alone when he gets there. well, actually if you really think about it - there could be a million reasons why someone would dare to venture into the unknown - but i think it's a real factor to consider. ie the reason its 'unknown' is because nobody has ever been there and that being the case it is highly likely that when you get there, nobody is going to be there ... doncha think?

but then again, you might get so good at it that you wouldn't know how to deal with anything else. because life involves other people. sooner or later, living in a society, you'll have to deal with people. so if you 'really, really' wanted to BE alone. you should go to a place where people hardly ever go to. some God forsaken place that people have really forgotten. timbakhtu wouldn't work either because people still keep talking about the place.

also - now this is the master prize of mastering the art of being alone - you get to master the art of being with someone else too. it's like learning to crawl before you learn to walk. learning to walk before running. it's the step by step way of living. people are always looking for a way to skip a step - to leap from point A to point C without having to deal with point B. maybe cutting a few corners here and there every once in a while is good but too much of anything can be disastrous - meaning if you skip too many point B's ... all you'd be left with would be a lot of loose ends and unfinished business. if you're really lucky - them loose ends don't come back to haunt you.

however, i think that very few of us are that lucky and most of the time, loose ends come back to you full circle and hits you right between the eyes.

thus, the better you are at being alone - the better you'd be with dealing with the world? maybe...only if you keep in mind to NOt forget how to be with other people too.
i guess then perhaps 'not forgetting' is the real trick.



signing off, the commonjack.

eye candy.

it's 2 am. ladies and gents - some eye candy... nothing thought provoking... :)

5. Miss Jennifer Aniston



guess i liked Rachel in Friends. and then i like her hair...i'll stop there. :)

4. Miss Angelina Jolie



cause she kicks ass! whether playing some druggy model in Gia...to kick ass female indiana jones in Tomb Raider...and not forgetting every other type of character in between!

3. Miss Scarlett Johansson



because i liked her in Lost in Translation and also Girl With the Pearl Ear Ring...and i mean i 'really' liked her in those 2 movies...we'll see how she does in the next one... heh.

2. Miss Marisa Tomei



i don't know why but ever since i watched Only You - i was smitten with this woman. she has put on some pretty strong performances in some movies. but i generally like the type of characters she plays. plus, for some reason, she has this calming effect on me...i can't explain it. :) even when she's playing small roles like in What Women Want, Anger Management...etc. oh well. but the only reason she's at no.2 is because i was smitten in Only You lah.

1. Miss Sarah Tan



i just like her ok? just cause i'm 23 years old...don't mean i can't have no crush on no one. bleh.

aih... oh well.

time to go.

see y'all...

signing off, the commonjack.

it's crunch time baby.

it's 12.30 pm. ( pic above - CRUNCH time = Stress... )

and vis-a-vis the title - that's right ladies and gents, it's CRUNCH time.

i'd be lying if i said that i've accomplished what i've set out to do this year with law. and at this juncture, i doubt that i can. but i still can put a full stop to the nonsense and get on with it - which is what i failed to do last year - which of course led to the inevitable failure.

but this year, it will have to be different. i've put away my guitar weeks ago - stopped writing/thinking up stories months ago, began my hiatus from theater months ago as well, stopped buying dvd's to watch, stopped teaching at TNT for the time being and waking up at a general healthy time ie at 8am regularly.

and yet, as i said before, i'd be lying if i was in a prepared state for an exam. but i've still got time. my mind is in such a state right now that i couldn't even think about all the stuff mentioned above if i wanted to. my only activity these days is going to TNT late at night to sweat it out around once or twice a week.

even blogging is quite a chore now for there's nothing that i really wanna write about. that's why it's digressed to this - ie kinda like a journal of what's going on with my life which is not really what i want to do but oh well...

like i said, it's crunch time baby. aih...i hate exams.

later.

signing off, the commonjack.

when i dream...

x

xx

xxx

xxxx

xxx

xx

x

when i dream

i dream of you

maybe someday you'll come true.

x

xx

xxx

xx

x

Signing off - the commonjack.

the end of an era.

it's 12.25 am.

i had a great game of basketball last sunday night. it's been a while since i've had such a good session. and it got me looking back at this sport - my 1st real love (in terms of sports lah).

i was also watching a nba game the other day and i realised that it's the end of an era. i mean - everybody knows about michael jordan. but i'm talking about all the other guys too. charles barkley, patrick ewing, hakeem olajuwon, larry johnson, john stockton, scottie pippen ... and so many more.

shit, when i first started watching the NBA proper, SHAQ was just a rookie starting out. he was just some really BIG guy who was clumsy and careless but had potential. now he's a freakin' icon of basketball - just like beckham is to football (even non-football followers know him) - everyone knows who SHAQ is. in fact, now SHAQ is looked at as somewhat of a veteran.

i remember when Kobe was touted to be the next Jordan and now he's freakin' 27 (28 or 29) ?

it's the end of an era fellas.

but it's all good. as long as the game goes on.

i don't even know what it is about basketball that i love so much. i started with badminton. and then i went on to play everything else from football to squash, to swimming and even to golf. not forgetting everything else in between ... i used to highjump, run 100 meter sprints, 200 meters, 400 meters...

but nothing has ever struck a chord in me the way basketball has. i didnt fall in love with bball from watching the NBA. i fell in love with bball PLAYING bball. it's a pity i only started playing at the age of 14. but i'll never forget the Sultan Abdul Samad court. nothing but tarmac and white paint but damn it i miss that court. that court where i used to play under the blazing sun in the middle of the afternoon where if i fell down - the tarmac wasn't exactly very gentle to ya. and i've got some scars to show for that.

shoes never lasted long. i went through 5 to 6 school shoes a year. getting basketball shoes was pointless because nothing lasted long on hot tarmac. but heck - it was worth it.

these days, i just go to public courts all over PJ every now and again. it's really cool if you think about it. you don't know anybody but you can just walk on to a court - say you wanna play - wait your turn and play. if you win. you stay. if you lose - you walk off - wait your turn and then try again. generally you don't need names, no-one gives a shit what colour skinned you are or whatever religion you practice, it's alright if you don't really have any friends, it doesn't matter if you've got a lousy sense of style, or weird, or whatever. if you were there, and you wanted to play the game the way it's meant to be played. that's all there is.

it's not as perfect as i depicted it to be in the paragragph above ALL the time. but hey - sometimes it is.

i'm talking about 'playground' basketball - the real shit outside all the glitz and glamour of the NBA. just like the poor kids playing football in the streets of brazil barefoot and sometimes not even with a proper ball ... the real shit. where it's not really all about just winning, making the money, the fans or whatever... the real shit is about playing the damn game.

ah well. this is just some nonsense rambling. sorry to have wasted your time. :)

later.

signing off - the commonjack.

Capoeira.

it's 12.42 am.

for a brief history read about Capoeira - click on: http://www.capoeiratexas.com/history.html .

you may be wondering - why the sudden interest?

well, being self imprisoned in the house most of this week in the hope to do more studying (which i have done lah - but as always - i don't think it's enough and i'm still in an unstable state of mind in terms of whether i'm preparing adequately or etc... but been doing work nevertheless) - part of the self imprisonment rules are - i'll only go out for legitimate reasons. like when i need food. :) or like yesterday - i met up with a friend i thought i had lost. but it appears i hadn't. (let's just leave it at that.) basically, it's good news.

so, there we are, havin' dinner and talking like we've not been alienated from each other for God knows how long and she tells me that, just as i have picked up kickboxing, she's picked up capoeira and has been quite actively involved for the past 3 months. this immediately brought to mind this old memory of myself watching ONLY THE STRONG, Mark Dascascos.



i think i was only 14 and i remember thinking to myself - "Woah...cool dude..." (said in BILL & TED's Excellent Adventures tone...)

and this presented me with the perfect opportunity.

i went for the class. 1st class is free. it's situated at the area around Atria in Damansara Jaya. i loved it. i'm a very musically driven person - and as this quote suggests, "Capoeira has been described as a martial art, a dance, an art form, a form of self-defense, or any hybrid of these." therefore, it only makes sense that i should enjoy it thoroughly.

1st 20 to 30 minutes of the class was the warm up. there were a series of stretching that are - well, can be aptly described as tremendously challenging. which was then followed by 50 push ups...at 1st i thought, he said 15...but there no problem - 50 push ups - i can do now. :)

but after the push ups - we were all told to do 20 - erm - bridges? you know how you lie on your back, then you prop your whole body up with your arms and legs... now - this was tough - i think i only managed like 10 - and very, very slowly.

i learnt the GINGA (http://www.wu-wien.ac.at/usr/h96b/h9650297/cap-basics.html#ginga).




i think i learned the Meia Lua de Frente (http://www.wu-wien.ac.at/usr/h96b/h9650297/cap-basics.html#frente - illustrated above). - although, i don't remember the instructor saying anything that complicated (it was difficult to hear with the music so loud in the background) - but i definitely learned this kick lah.



the ARMADA (http://www.wu-wien.ac.at/usr/h96b/h9650297/cap-basics.html#armada - illustrated above).

i also learned like 3 'evasive' techniques - for the life of me - i cannot remember the names of right now - it's not in the site above - and i can't be arsed to go look for another one. but yeah, that's basically all i learned.

and then the class ended with what had to be more than 100 crunches, sits ups - it was all about the abs at the end. woah.

although, it has to be said, the atmosphere felt friendlier and it felt less 'uppity'. i guess that is attributed to the kind of people who were there. as opposed to my kickboxing place in hartamas, where all the people are of course very nice...just that there are also a lot of young execs on the go - and it can't be helped that ego's will definitely be in the air. but for me, it was the music and the sense of 'history' of capoeira where it was an art practiced by slaves in the beginning. i don't know.

i do know that in june, after my exams - i'll definitely be picking this up. :)

ok then.

signing off, the commonjack.

interesting thoughts...

it's 1.44 am.

or more like thoughts that i'm sure you've come across b4 but just worded slightly differently.

" ... it's better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there."

how true. either way you look at it - it's a bad situation. the best thing to do is to move on. and find out how you fit in the 'new' place where you feel like you don't belong there and somehow 'belong' there. that's life.


"he just looked like someone who had been frightened for so long it had become apart of his life, like freckles."

i find this to be one of the saddest things to witness. to actually meet someone who has been frightened for so long - it becomes all there is. what else is there? i watched a scene in thi3teen - quite a good movie btw(google it if you wanna know more about it lah) - it showed the protagonist of the movie (ie the 13 year old girl) who had grown so far apart from her mother - that when all the shit had hit the fan and the mother tried to reach out for her...she cringed when the mother tried to touch her.

the feeling of being cared for - being loved - was so alien to her - she became frightened of it. she was frightened of being cared for. she was frightened of being loved. she was frightened for so long. it became apart of her. ( - like freckles. it's just there. nothing you can do to freckles - barring plastic surgery lah - but other than that - it's just there.)

btw - the 2 phrases that instigated this entry was lifted from a marvellous Terry Pratchett book i'm reading now - THE WEE FREE MEN: the fightin', thievin', tiny blue-skinned pictsies who were thrown out of Fairyland for being Drunk and Disorderly... -.



and to end this entry with yet another Pratchett line ... "reality is a quality that things possess in the same way that they possess, say, weight. some people are more 'real' than others, for example."

rights. that's the end of this one.

signing off, the commonjack.