my right eye-lid has been twitching since the wee hours of yesterday morning. i believe it started at about 2-ish am. it's now the early morning of Wednesday at 12.23 am. my right eye-lid is still twitching.
my mum says, "Either something really bad is going to happen or something really good."
gee.
i just think this is a sign of pure unadulterated stress and fu*king fear.
Company Law is technically - tomorrow.
'nuff said.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Problems with Company Law.
shit! it's already monday.
i had a 'near breakdown' on Saturday. since my last paper (last Tuesday), i haven't been able to sort out my Company Law properly. i never really had a handle on it and i don't seem to know where to start or how to go about preparing myself to sit for the exam this coming Thursday, June 1st.
since last Wednesday till most of Sunday, i was freaking out.
however, i feel like the bouts of hopelessness has run its due course. the unfortunate consequence however, is that i've wasted 5 DAYS! that could have been put to really good use. but instead - they were spent wallowing in self pity.
nevertheless, here i am, with effectively another 3 days - hopefully i had enough of an understanding of the subject as a whole to be able to do something constructive with the next 3 days for the damn exam.
that's it then.
signing off, the commonjack.
i had a 'near breakdown' on Saturday. since my last paper (last Tuesday), i haven't been able to sort out my Company Law properly. i never really had a handle on it and i don't seem to know where to start or how to go about preparing myself to sit for the exam this coming Thursday, June 1st.
since last Wednesday till most of Sunday, i was freaking out.
X
X
i get so angry when i feel like that but i essentially don't lose control because that just won't help the f*cking situation lah. i just try my best to do what i need to do so that i can walk into the exam hall and put up some measure of a decent attempt.however, i feel like the bouts of hopelessness has run its due course. the unfortunate consequence however, is that i've wasted 5 DAYS! that could have been put to really good use. but instead - they were spent wallowing in self pity.
nevertheless, here i am, with effectively another 3 days - hopefully i had enough of an understanding of the subject as a whole to be able to do something constructive with the next 3 days for the damn exam.
that's it then.
signing off, the commonjack.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Day 1 down.
ok. 1st paper done.
yesterday's paper started at 2 pm till 5 pm.
bascially i could answer all 4 of my questions. i was quite happy to see everything i wanted to write about. but i guess not enough practice writing a full answer within 45 mins hurt me big time. 20 mins into the 1st question, i knew i was going to need a whole lot more than 45 mins to finish it.
so i decided to keep to my 45 min mark (but i didn't. i overshot it by almost 10 mins and was nowhere near the end!) i wrote whatever i could. and then moved on to my next question. and what do you know? i overshot the time i set for myself in that one too. by the time i was attempting my 3rd question it was 3.40 pm. (it took me almost 2 hours to finish my 1st two questions!)
i knew i had to start on my 4th question by 4.15 pm. so it was a real rush in that last leg. it wouldn't have been too bad if i had finished my earlier 2 questions. but technically i only did just about three quarters of the 1st 2 questions. there was so much more left to write!
at 4.45 pm, not even halfway through my 4th question, i went back to my 1st 2 questions and tried to write much more. i wrote and i wrote and it felt endless. then i went back to the last 2 questions and tried to fill it up with more substance. and suddenly - "You have 5 minutes left."
my mind went, "hai lat ..."
so i went back to my last 2 questions to try and at least get halfway through them and finish them up point form.
the other shitty thing is that the invigilators decided to get their act together this year and actually fixed where each student would sit. i was right up in front. meaning, my paper would be collected 1st. fortunately, the guy must have noticed me going, "hai lat ...", because he let me continue writing when the announcement to 'Stop writing' had already been given. i had to conclude on whatever it is i wrote at the very least. so in the last desperate 10 minutes after the 5pm mark, i was trying to write legible and logical conclusions to whatever i wrote.
(which is really tough especially since i didn't really expand on many points.)
on my last question, which i only managed to write 1 page on ... "Explain what has sociology done to help in our understanding of law." there was so much to write! i could have written about Prof.Hart, Karl Marx, Hans Kelsen, Austin - how all of these Jurists have an element of sociology even when they tried to play down the importance of the element. i'm so sure i could have 'aced' this question. instead i only mentioned briefly all their names and the element of sociology prevalent in each of their theories. like maybe 2 sentences each. and my conlcusion was laughable because it was only one sentence, "Sociology is everywhere."
if only i had more than 20mins to write it!
oh well. right now, honestly - there's no sense in trying to guess whether i wrote enough to pass or not. if i fail it. there's no point in going to sit for the rest of my papers because Juris is my core paper for the year.
so next up JUNE 1st - Company Law.
signing off, the commonjack.
yesterday's paper started at 2 pm till 5 pm.
bascially i could answer all 4 of my questions. i was quite happy to see everything i wanted to write about. but i guess not enough practice writing a full answer within 45 mins hurt me big time. 20 mins into the 1st question, i knew i was going to need a whole lot more than 45 mins to finish it.
so i decided to keep to my 45 min mark (but i didn't. i overshot it by almost 10 mins and was nowhere near the end!) i wrote whatever i could. and then moved on to my next question. and what do you know? i overshot the time i set for myself in that one too. by the time i was attempting my 3rd question it was 3.40 pm. (it took me almost 2 hours to finish my 1st two questions!)
i knew i had to start on my 4th question by 4.15 pm. so it was a real rush in that last leg. it wouldn't have been too bad if i had finished my earlier 2 questions. but technically i only did just about three quarters of the 1st 2 questions. there was so much more left to write!
at 4.45 pm, not even halfway through my 4th question, i went back to my 1st 2 questions and tried to write much more. i wrote and i wrote and it felt endless. then i went back to the last 2 questions and tried to fill it up with more substance. and suddenly - "You have 5 minutes left."
my mind went, "hai lat ..."
so i went back to my last 2 questions to try and at least get halfway through them and finish them up point form.
the other shitty thing is that the invigilators decided to get their act together this year and actually fixed where each student would sit. i was right up in front. meaning, my paper would be collected 1st. fortunately, the guy must have noticed me going, "hai lat ...", because he let me continue writing when the announcement to 'Stop writing' had already been given. i had to conclude on whatever it is i wrote at the very least. so in the last desperate 10 minutes after the 5pm mark, i was trying to write legible and logical conclusions to whatever i wrote.
(which is really tough especially since i didn't really expand on many points.)
on my last question, which i only managed to write 1 page on ... "Explain what has sociology done to help in our understanding of law." there was so much to write! i could have written about Prof.Hart, Karl Marx, Hans Kelsen, Austin - how all of these Jurists have an element of sociology even when they tried to play down the importance of the element. i'm so sure i could have 'aced' this question. instead i only mentioned briefly all their names and the element of sociology prevalent in each of their theories. like maybe 2 sentences each. and my conlcusion was laughable because it was only one sentence, "Sociology is everywhere."
if only i had more than 20mins to write it!
oh well. right now, honestly - there's no sense in trying to guess whether i wrote enough to pass or not. if i fail it. there's no point in going to sit for the rest of my papers because Juris is my core paper for the year.
so next up JUNE 1st - Company Law.
signing off, the commonjack.
Jurisprudence and Legal Theory
it's 12.40 am. Jurisprudence and Legal Theory (it's like a study on the philosophy of law for the uniniated) aka my Juris paper is today. and how apt, the 'quote of the day' is by Aristotle, "The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet."
yeah ... rub it in my face why don't ya?
so here i am. my 1st day of my dreaded exams. 1st paper jitters have hit me since early Saturday. i'll feel better once i get it over with. but till then, the jitters will remain i guess. no way to shake it off.
i tried going to play basketball yesterday in the evening after studying for most of the afternoon. it didn't work. i still felt as jittery as ever. that's why i figured it won't go away till i get my 1st paper over and done with i s'pose.
pardon my *french. that helped a little. *smiles. oh well - i've just got a little more studying to do. then i'll go to sleep.
time is gonna start flying by once i get past the first paper. i might or might not keep blogging updates as it goes along. we'll see.
ok - i'm out.
signing off, the commonjack.
yeah ... rub it in my face why don't ya?
so here i am. my 1st day of my dreaded exams. 1st paper jitters have hit me since early Saturday. i'll feel better once i get it over with. but till then, the jitters will remain i guess. no way to shake it off.
i tried going to play basketball yesterday in the evening after studying for most of the afternoon. it didn't work. i still felt as jittery as ever. that's why i figured it won't go away till i get my 1st paper over and done with i s'pose.
X
fuck.
pardon my *french. that helped a little. *smiles. oh well - i've just got a little more studying to do. then i'll go to sleep.
time is gonna start flying by once i get past the first paper. i might or might not keep blogging updates as it goes along. we'll see.
ok - i'm out.
signing off, the commonjack.
Friday, May 19, 2006
quick quick stuff.
ok ok - i should be studying. i know. i know. but i've decided to post some stuff up just to get it out of the way.
1. Shattered Lives & Broken Dreams ... James O'Barr and Ed Kramer.
i know who's been reading my blog properly now. i know how you (you know who you are!) knew that i would just *die if someone got this for me! (refer to post entitled, "THE CROW - the graphic novel") nevertheless, you've made it into my list of 'most favourite people in the world'. in fact, rest assured - you're spot on that list is secured for life. barring nothing! no exceptions unlike all those freakin' law principles that *always have exceptions!
call me when you get back! dinner, lunch, movie - whatever, on me. *grin.
2. Proud Uncle in the house.
if you've just hopped on the "New Generation of Chen's bandwagon" ... previous posts are...Friday, February 10, 2006 entitled, "New Chen" and Monday, February 27, 2006 entitled, "More on My Nephews."
3. Exam woes.
you know, all this while i've been bitching and wailing about how i'm scared shitless about Law and why i hate it. the reasons being i'm not handling it well and that doesn't say much about what kind of person i am.
then it hit me the other day, this isn't me. the lousy way i'm going about doing Law. it's not the real me. there are a lot of things in life i make myself do regardless of whether i enjoy doing it or not. i do things cause it is the right thing to do. cause that is my driving force. it leads me to things i'm passionate about most of the time. some things that seem wrong to most, i sometimes do because i know that the ultimate end will be right. i've always taken pride in myself that the right thing by others are not necessarily right with me.
(sure i've made mistakes - i admit. i'm not perfect. i make my apologies where i have to. the rest, i make none.)
sure - i may not be facing down Law in the best possible fashion. it says something. sure it does. it says exactly just that. that with this particular thing, i'm not faring so well. but that doesn't mean it'll apply to everything else in my life for the rest of my life. that's just my brain going on overdrive.
maybe i'm just naive and this is just me trying to justify myself or whatever ... you're entitled to an opinion. i'm just sticking with mine for now.
anyway: exam schedule ...
MAY 23rd, Tues at 2.30pm till 5.30pm - i've got Jurisprudence.
JUNE 1st, Thurs at 2.30pm till 5.30pm - i've got Company.
JUNE 7th, Wed at 9am till 12pm - i've got Family.
JUNE 9th, Fri at 9am till 12pm - i've got Succession.
then FREEDOM ... (sing it with me now...) FREEDOM... *grin.
take care y'all.
signing off, the commonjack.
1. Shattered Lives & Broken Dreams ... James O'Barr and Ed Kramer.
i know who's been reading my blog properly now. i know how you (you know who you are!) knew that i would just *die if someone got this for me! (refer to post entitled, "THE CROW - the graphic novel") nevertheless, you've made it into my list of 'most favourite people in the world'. in fact, rest assured - you're spot on that list is secured for life. barring nothing! no exceptions unlike all those freakin' law principles that *always have exceptions!
call me when you get back! dinner, lunch, movie - whatever, on me. *grin.
2. Proud Uncle in the house.
X
my youngest nephew at 3 months! (Johnathan) such a poser pic lah this one. but cute as hell. aww heck - this is one helluva good pic.X
X
this is the most recent pic i have of the older nephew (2 years old), Alex at his new place! (my bro and family in S'pore moving on to a bigger and better future...have fun and good luck with the move! will come down and help out with loose ends when i finish my exams.if you've just hopped on the "New Generation of Chen's bandwagon" ... previous posts are...Friday, February 10, 2006 entitled, "New Chen" and Monday, February 27, 2006 entitled, "More on My Nephews."
3. Exam woes.
you know, all this while i've been bitching and wailing about how i'm scared shitless about Law and why i hate it. the reasons being i'm not handling it well and that doesn't say much about what kind of person i am.
then it hit me the other day, this isn't me. the lousy way i'm going about doing Law. it's not the real me. there are a lot of things in life i make myself do regardless of whether i enjoy doing it or not. i do things cause it is the right thing to do. cause that is my driving force. it leads me to things i'm passionate about most of the time. some things that seem wrong to most, i sometimes do because i know that the ultimate end will be right. i've always taken pride in myself that the right thing by others are not necessarily right with me.
(sure i've made mistakes - i admit. i'm not perfect. i make my apologies where i have to. the rest, i make none.)
sure - i may not be facing down Law in the best possible fashion. it says something. sure it does. it says exactly just that. that with this particular thing, i'm not faring so well. but that doesn't mean it'll apply to everything else in my life for the rest of my life. that's just my brain going on overdrive.
maybe i'm just naive and this is just me trying to justify myself or whatever ... you're entitled to an opinion. i'm just sticking with mine for now.
anyway: exam schedule ...
MAY 23rd, Tues at 2.30pm till 5.30pm - i've got Jurisprudence.
JUNE 1st, Thurs at 2.30pm till 5.30pm - i've got Company.
JUNE 7th, Wed at 9am till 12pm - i've got Family.
JUNE 9th, Fri at 9am till 12pm - i've got Succession.
then FREEDOM ... (sing it with me now...) FREEDOM... *grin.
take care y'all.
signing off, the commonjack.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Success AND Luck.
had a rough night last night. tossing and turning in bed. anxious and scared. was in bed at about close to 1am. but couldn't get to the actual 'sleeping' bit. i gave up. i got up and turned on the tv. i watched Sleepers on Astro. i almost forgot about how much i liked that movie.
some exerps from the movie,
Lorenzo: "This is a true story of how friendships run deeper than blood. This is my story of the only three friends in my life that have truly mattered. Two of them were killers that never made it past the age of 30. The other is a non-practicing attorney, living within the pain of his past, too afraid to let go, finding reassurance instead of confronting its horror. I was the only one that could speak for them, and for the children we were."
Fat Mancho: "You want a Rolls-Royce, you don't come here, no no. You go to England, or wherever the fuck they make it. If you want champagne, you go see the French. If you need money, you find a Jew. But, if you want dirt, or scum buried under a rock somewhere, or some secret nobody wants anybody to know about, there's only one place to go: right here, Hell's Kitchen. It is the lost and found of shit. They lose it and we find it. Forget about it, man."
but i'm not going to talk about Sleepers.
(click on *Sleepers above and visit the website if you have the time.)
after finishing the movie at about 3.40 am - i tried to sleep again. as i was lying in bed, a thought occured to me. and it's now 3.05 pm - i'm still thinking about it. i figured i'd get it off my chest before i hit the books again.
i think there is a difference between a Successful person and a Lucky person. (this may seem obvious to most - but hey, i just decided to put it into words.)
Successful person: in many cases (though not necessarily so in all circumstances), a successful person is someone who can set aside whatever personal problems he or she may have and just perform whatever task incumbent on them. and not just perform it in a rudimentary sense, but whole-heartedly as if he/she actually wanted to do it and enjoyed doing it. in effect, that person would 'just do it' and 'do it well'. whether or not it was something he/she wanted to do, well - quite frankly, is not the point. the point is to actually just do it really well.
Lucky person: in this case, a Lucky person would end up doing what he/she enjoys doing more than anything in the world. and he/she would also be doing it better than anybody else! so well in fact, that he/she would be able to carve a living out of it. (and if he/she is really lucky, then he/she would also be making lots and lots of money!)
contrary to the popular belief that if you enjoy doing what you're doing, you will be excellent at it - i don't think that that is always the case. for example, many people love singing. but that doesn't necessarily mean they're any good. forget about being excellent at it or actually making any kind of living from it.
now, taking my interpretation above as accurate. the observation one can make is that it takes a whole lot more to be a Succesful person. taking away nothing from the Lucky person who deserves everything he/she can get - a Successful person merely has to be given a lot more credit.
for in my opinion (yeah, yeah - i know everybody has one), a Successful person is a lot stronger. for he/she would be someone you can count on under almost any circumstance.
i could elaborate further, but that would be a mere act of *pleonasm. i'm sure you get the picture.
*Pleonasm is the use of more words than necessary to express an idea. The word comes originally from Greek πλεονασμóς ("excess").
one of my own personal pet peeves (regarding my own personal characteristics), is that thus far, i have not proven myself strong enough to be a Successful person.
but i guess i'm stubborn that way, cause i'll keep trying. that means i won't shy away from something just cause i don't like doing it. if it is a task incumbent on me, i will face it head on regardless of whether i'd do terribly or not. i'll figure out how to be strong enough one day.
and who knows? maybe along the way, i'll get Lucky. grin.
sigining off, the commonjack.
X
some exerps from the movie,
Lorenzo: "This is a true story of how friendships run deeper than blood. This is my story of the only three friends in my life that have truly mattered. Two of them were killers that never made it past the age of 30. The other is a non-practicing attorney, living within the pain of his past, too afraid to let go, finding reassurance instead of confronting its horror. I was the only one that could speak for them, and for the children we were."
Fat Mancho: "You want a Rolls-Royce, you don't come here, no no. You go to England, or wherever the fuck they make it. If you want champagne, you go see the French. If you need money, you find a Jew. But, if you want dirt, or scum buried under a rock somewhere, or some secret nobody wants anybody to know about, there's only one place to go: right here, Hell's Kitchen. It is the lost and found of shit. They lose it and we find it. Forget about it, man."
but i'm not going to talk about Sleepers.
(click on *Sleepers above and visit the website if you have the time.)
after finishing the movie at about 3.40 am - i tried to sleep again. as i was lying in bed, a thought occured to me. and it's now 3.05 pm - i'm still thinking about it. i figured i'd get it off my chest before i hit the books again.
i think there is a difference between a Successful person and a Lucky person. (this may seem obvious to most - but hey, i just decided to put it into words.)
Successful person: in many cases (though not necessarily so in all circumstances), a successful person is someone who can set aside whatever personal problems he or she may have and just perform whatever task incumbent on them. and not just perform it in a rudimentary sense, but whole-heartedly as if he/she actually wanted to do it and enjoyed doing it. in effect, that person would 'just do it' and 'do it well'. whether or not it was something he/she wanted to do, well - quite frankly, is not the point. the point is to actually just do it really well.
Lucky person: in this case, a Lucky person would end up doing what he/she enjoys doing more than anything in the world. and he/she would also be doing it better than anybody else! so well in fact, that he/she would be able to carve a living out of it. (and if he/she is really lucky, then he/she would also be making lots and lots of money!)
contrary to the popular belief that if you enjoy doing what you're doing, you will be excellent at it - i don't think that that is always the case. for example, many people love singing. but that doesn't necessarily mean they're any good. forget about being excellent at it or actually making any kind of living from it.
X
now, taking my interpretation above as accurate. the observation one can make is that it takes a whole lot more to be a Succesful person. taking away nothing from the Lucky person who deserves everything he/she can get - a Successful person merely has to be given a lot more credit.
for in my opinion (yeah, yeah - i know everybody has one), a Successful person is a lot stronger. for he/she would be someone you can count on under almost any circumstance.
i could elaborate further, but that would be a mere act of *pleonasm. i'm sure you get the picture.
*Pleonasm is the use of more words than necessary to express an idea. The word comes originally from Greek πλεονασμóς ("excess").
one of my own personal pet peeves (regarding my own personal characteristics), is that thus far, i have not proven myself strong enough to be a Successful person.
but i guess i'm stubborn that way, cause i'll keep trying. that means i won't shy away from something just cause i don't like doing it. if it is a task incumbent on me, i will face it head on regardless of whether i'd do terribly or not. i'll figure out how to be strong enough one day.
and who knows? maybe along the way, i'll get Lucky. grin.
sigining off, the commonjack.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
nothing to say.
X
that's a picture of me wearing a t-shirt with my name on it (but you can't see my name), the t-shirt is part of a collection of t-shirts that a few close friends and i share (each with a different picture that sorta represents it's owner) - like our own little club.
X
i started this entry with every intention to bitch and complain about how hopeless i feel at this very moment. but i change my mind.
X
on the other hand, i believe this is the very first time i've actually posted up a picture of myself on this blog. just a picture of myself for no particular reason.
X
that's an occasion to blog about i guess.
X
"Life is an incurable disease - birth and death the symptoms."
X
signing off, the commonjack.
Monday, May 01, 2006
hell on earth.
well, here we go, i've got about 3 weeks before i have to endure my own little personal hell on earth (probably self imposed).
i say self imposed for obvious reasons - but if you don't know me very well - then to elucidate matters for you - it is self imposed because:
1. it was my decision to do law in the end. as much as i'd like to blame anyone. i can't.
2. but more importantly, i'm not stupid, if i had prepared myself properly during the course of the year i wouldn't be feeling this shitty or worried. but i didn't.
so, here i am.
related exam fever posts below ...
shit. i see a rather uncomfortable pattern here. the worry that i carry with me is that this pattern may branch out to other aspects of my life. i tell myself that that can't happen. but i don't really have anything to show for it. not really.
and that's my main concern. it dawned on me the other day that next year, i' m going to hit 25. that's like a quarter of a decade. in fact, my Mum and i had a conversation the other night ...
i tell myself that this pattern can't continue because if it did - as my Mum said very aptly - i'm already an adult ... and if this continues - i could just die. literally. it'll be a slow painful death. but if i don't start achieving something ... anything that i can be proud of - i might just *die. i wouldn't be able to function like this for the rest of my life - hoping to scrape by. i just can't.
oh well - here we go.
signing off - the commonjack.
i say self imposed for obvious reasons - but if you don't know me very well - then to elucidate matters for you - it is self imposed because:
1. it was my decision to do law in the end. as much as i'd like to blame anyone. i can't.
2. but more importantly, i'm not stupid, if i had prepared myself properly during the course of the year i wouldn't be feeling this shitty or worried. but i didn't.
so, here i am.
ok, so the picture above looks a little extreme. but i have to admit - sometimes i feel like i'm not that far off when it comes to this. and it's mostly because of a particular worry i make reference to below.
related exam fever posts below ...
Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - "it's crunch time baby"
Tuesday, May 24, 2005 - "the really real world"
Sunday, May 29, 2005 - "i am an idiot"
and most recently ...
Thursday, March 30, 2006 - "i'm ashamed"
shit. i see a rather uncomfortable pattern here. the worry that i carry with me is that this pattern may branch out to other aspects of my life. i tell myself that that can't happen. but i don't really have anything to show for it. not really.
and that's my main concern. it dawned on me the other day that next year, i' m going to hit 25. that's like a quarter of a decade. in fact, my Mum and i had a conversation the other night ...
"How old are you this year?" Mum asked when i went up to her room to say good night.
"24 lah..." wondering if i should be worried that my own Mother can't remember how old i am.
she forms this grin and starts laughing to herself a little, "You know you're an adult already you know!" continues little chuckle...
"Yeah - I know lah ... so?" i replied in a somewhat defensive tone but not knowing why i sounded 'defensive' for.
i tell myself that this pattern can't continue because if it did - as my Mum said very aptly - i'm already an adult ... and if this continues - i could just die. literally. it'll be a slow painful death. but if i don't start achieving something ... anything that i can be proud of - i might just *die. i wouldn't be able to function like this for the rest of my life - hoping to scrape by. i just can't.
oh well - here we go.
signing off - the commonjack.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Extraordinary Machine
Fiona Apple is the bomb.
this is the latest song of hers that has found a place with me for many years to come.
i love the chorus. it's like the story of my life.
i'll let the lyrics speak for me. listen to it with the music and you'll fall for it too. in fact, go ahead, buy the album. you know you want to.
Extraordinary Machine.
Chorus:
I am the baby of the family, it happens, so
If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
If there was a better way to go then it would find me
this is the latest song of hers that has found a place with me for many years to come.
i love the chorus. it's like the story of my life.
i'll let the lyrics speak for me. listen to it with the music and you'll fall for it too. in fact, go ahead, buy the album. you know you want to.
Extraordinary Machine.
I certainly haven't been shopping for any new shoes
-And-
I certainly haven't been spreading myself around
I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb,
But I'm good at being uncomfortable, so
I can't stop changing all the time
I notice that my opponent is always on the go
-And-
Won't go slow, so's not to focus, and I notice
He'll hitch a ride with any guide, as long as
They go fast from whence he came-
But he's no good at being uncomfortable, so
He can't stop staying exactly the same
Chorus:
If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
I seem to you to seek a new disaster every day
You deem me due to clean my view and be at peace and lay
I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way, and say,
I've been getting along for long before you came into the play
I am the baby of the family, it happens, so
- Everybody cares and wears the sheeps' clothes
While they chaperone
Curious, you looking down your nose at me, while you appease
- Courteous, to try and help - but let me set your
Mind at ease
If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
Bridge:
-Do I so worry you, you need to hurry to my side?
-Do I so worry you, you need to hurry to my side?
-It's very kindBut it's to no avail; I don't want the bail
I promise you, everything will be just fine
If there was a better way to go then it would find me
I can't help it, the road just rolls out behind me
Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
signing off, the commonjack.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
this morning,
my handphone alarm rang at 9 am. i wake up and go through my early morning routine lah. i go downstairs to my kitchen - make myself a cup of coffee and get some sandwiches toasted in the sandwich toaster. the initial plan was - have a little breakfast, freshen up and read up a little on Jurisprudence (a subject i'm doing) before going to lectures which were to begin at 2pm at college.
i turn on the tv and was flipping channels as i was eating my breakfast. i hit ChannelV and the new video with Will.I.Am with Erykah Badu was playing ("That Heat" from Sergio Mendes). in it, Will was putting out some smooth moves which reminded me of the days i used perform dance stuff when i was a teen.
i always used to put up a front as if i didn't wanna do it - but inside i actually really wanted to! haha - yep, the secret's out.
anyway, this move he does in the video - real smooth like ... if you can imagine, he starts out with some fancy footwork then he slides out his right leg straight and his left leg bends and he touches ground with his right hand and immediately flips over on the right straight leg standing up again and does some more fancy footwork. damn cool. if you can picture it lah. :)
my signature move was somewhat similar, i used to start with some fancy footwork - cut into a MC Hammer style split, flip over to my stomache, do a push up, flip over and kick at the same time and if i could, i'd do a one handed somersault flip backwards on to my feet again! i wonder if i can still do that.
anyway, so there i was thinking about it ... and i suddenly get this itch to see if i could still do it. i finish up my breakfast and rush back into my room. now, there's not much space in my room so i couldn't try what i wanted to do. instead i tried to do what Will.I.Am did in the video and i ended up adding on my own little choreography since i couldn't remember what was the fancy footwork he did. what fun!
(i must sound so lame at this point. but what the heck...)
anyway, i do the whole move a few times and my Mum comes knocking on my door. i sit myself back down on my chair all sweaty and open the door.
Mum looks at me and goes, "What are you doing?"
and i of course say, "Nothing." and grinned back with beads of sweat on my forehead and sliding down my neck.
Mum says, "Ooooook..." and closes the door.
then i took a shower and tried to do my reading. :)
it was a cool little piece of dance i choreographed though. lol - one day, if i'm drunk enough and the opportunity arises for me to do it - i just might show it off.
signing off, the commonjack.
i turn on the tv and was flipping channels as i was eating my breakfast. i hit ChannelV and the new video with Will.I.Am with Erykah Badu was playing ("That Heat" from Sergio Mendes). in it, Will was putting out some smooth moves which reminded me of the days i used perform dance stuff when i was a teen.
i always used to put up a front as if i didn't wanna do it - but inside i actually really wanted to! haha - yep, the secret's out.
anyway, this move he does in the video - real smooth like ... if you can imagine, he starts out with some fancy footwork then he slides out his right leg straight and his left leg bends and he touches ground with his right hand and immediately flips over on the right straight leg standing up again and does some more fancy footwork. damn cool. if you can picture it lah. :)
my signature move was somewhat similar, i used to start with some fancy footwork - cut into a MC Hammer style split, flip over to my stomache, do a push up, flip over and kick at the same time and if i could, i'd do a one handed somersault flip backwards on to my feet again! i wonder if i can still do that.
anyway, so there i was thinking about it ... and i suddenly get this itch to see if i could still do it. i finish up my breakfast and rush back into my room. now, there's not much space in my room so i couldn't try what i wanted to do. instead i tried to do what Will.I.Am did in the video and i ended up adding on my own little choreography since i couldn't remember what was the fancy footwork he did. what fun!
(i must sound so lame at this point. but what the heck...)
anyway, i do the whole move a few times and my Mum comes knocking on my door. i sit myself back down on my chair all sweaty and open the door.
Mum looks at me and goes, "What are you doing?"
and i of course say, "Nothing." and grinned back with beads of sweat on my forehead and sliding down my neck.
Mum says, "Ooooook..." and closes the door.
then i took a shower and tried to do my reading. :)
it was a cool little piece of dance i choreographed though. lol - one day, if i'm drunk enough and the opportunity arises for me to do it - i just might show it off.
signing off, the commonjack.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Torn
"Any man can do any amount of work at any given time provided that it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing."
i think some guy named Robert Frost said that (or at least something to that effect lah).
anybody can relate to this quote. i am notoriously known to be doing many things all at once. from being a Law student, a kickboxing instructor, acting, writing, singing - etc ... i could be doing all these things at once. unfortunately, i'll be the first to admit that as a law student, i don't have much to show for it.
i guess - because i' m a little 'direction-less', i run on a day to day basis. thinking too far into the future takes me away from the present and leaves me worrying far too much about things that may nevre come about. a theory i've come up with, since i couldn't cope with being a Law student very well, i picked up whatever made me happy along the way.
acting, singing, writing, kickboxing ... all appealed to me on some substantial level some way or another - so whenever an opportunity arose to participate, i took them. initially, i didn't go looking very hard for opportunities. if they came up - cooland if not, no harm done. then, when things got a little miserable and i felt useless, i looked harder.
i'm thankful for understanding parents and family who allow me to indulge, knowing full well that something like my Law would probably suffer. they trusted me and that even if i fu**ed up - it was my life.
so that's how i ended up where i am now. being in 'it' here and now - i'd say that it isn't a good place to be in. (For various reasons.)
but that all depends on where i end up after innit? if i end up in a good place - i'd probably look back on being at this place as being necessary? who knows?
i have a friend who is conflicted about whether to pick up an offer to indulge or to stick with what pays the bills. i was hesitant to say anything because - i'd say 'indulge'. but then again - that's how i ended up where i am now. i wouldn't want to advise anyone to be where i am. i blabbered a little but i suppose in the end i threw the question back at my friend - "Up to you lah" - providing absolutely no help probably.
life's short. gotta do what you enjoy right? such an irresponsible lass i am.
aih...
signing off, the commonjack.
i think some guy named Robert Frost said that (or at least something to that effect lah).
anybody can relate to this quote. i am notoriously known to be doing many things all at once. from being a Law student, a kickboxing instructor, acting, writing, singing - etc ... i could be doing all these things at once. unfortunately, i'll be the first to admit that as a law student, i don't have much to show for it.
i guess - because i' m a little 'direction-less', i run on a day to day basis. thinking too far into the future takes me away from the present and leaves me worrying far too much about things that may nevre come about. a theory i've come up with, since i couldn't cope with being a Law student very well, i picked up whatever made me happy along the way.
acting, singing, writing, kickboxing ... all appealed to me on some substantial level some way or another - so whenever an opportunity arose to participate, i took them. initially, i didn't go looking very hard for opportunities. if they came up - cooland if not, no harm done. then, when things got a little miserable and i felt useless, i looked harder.
i'm thankful for understanding parents and family who allow me to indulge, knowing full well that something like my Law would probably suffer. they trusted me and that even if i fu**ed up - it was my life.
so that's how i ended up where i am now. being in 'it' here and now - i'd say that it isn't a good place to be in. (For various reasons.)
but that all depends on where i end up after innit? if i end up in a good place - i'd probably look back on being at this place as being necessary? who knows?
i have a friend who is conflicted about whether to pick up an offer to indulge or to stick with what pays the bills. i was hesitant to say anything because - i'd say 'indulge'. but then again - that's how i ended up where i am now. i wouldn't want to advise anyone to be where i am. i blabbered a little but i suppose in the end i threw the question back at my friend - "Up to you lah" - providing absolutely no help probably.
life's short. gotta do what you enjoy right? such an irresponsible lass i am.
aih...
signing off, the commonjack.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
a creed to live by indeed.
i try my best to do so. but almost impossible in reality innit?
feck this - i should be studying.
signing off - the commonjack.
i try my best to do so. but almost impossible in reality innit?
feck this - i should be studying.
signing off - the commonjack.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Morality?
"you think you know yourself boy? let me tell you something. you have no idea. "
that's more or less what Matt Dillon's character said to Philippe's character in the movie CRASH.
i watched that movie a long, long time ago before all the 'hoo-haa' of the awards and such. and i loved it. i put it in on a night i couldn't sleep and stayed up right to 4 am watching it. the opening line by Cheadle caught me and i was trapped. although the movie centred on the ugly issue of racism in the USA, the fact that racism is such a strong ugly element of human nature - it has a very universal flavour. anyone can identify with it in some way or other.
but i'm not going into a full on review on CRASH. obivously, it's a good movie. so, if you haven't watched it - it's a recommended watch for sure.
i just wanted to say, that the one thing that'll keep me humble is my belief that i have my own set of beliefs and moral standards - but i am acutely aware that, so does everyone else - and much akin to my view on 'opinions', just like assholes, everybody has one.
however, i always thought that people i am close friends with - well, i always thought that we'd share some semblance of that standard. recent events have made me realise that that is not necessarily true. a 'semblance' would perhaps be too strong a word - perhaps 'appreciation' for each others' standard would be more apt.
that led me to question, "Is that enough?" would you be able to still regard someone as a close friend if he/she did not share a 'semblance' of your own standard of morality?
would an 'appreciation' of your stand on matters be adequate?
it disturbed me for for awhile. this little anal train of thought which certainly is the product of one who is desperately avoiding doing what he is supposed to be doing (i should be studying!). but i believe i've reached a definitive conclusion on this matter.
i truly believe that i was asking a non-consequential question ie "Is that enough?"
surely, the question of consequence, the real bottom line, the one that counts is, "Regardless of whether that person shares your belief or so-called standard - would that person be someone you can count on?"
and that's when i realised, that regardless of whether people whom i regard as close friends share my beliefs/standards or not - they are people i can count on - no matter what. they'd go out of their way to help me do something i believe in even if they didn't themselves.
so, what do i then make of people who say things like, "I can't be friends with someone who does not share my beliefs/standards" ?
honestly, i think that is a very fair thing to say. but then again, that's not the pivotal statement is it? it should be, "I am friends with anyone I can truly count on to help me in anything I need help in. And I do mean anything."
oh well - i was just musing.
signing off, the commonjack.
that's more or less what Matt Dillon's character said to Philippe's character in the movie CRASH.
i watched that movie a long, long time ago before all the 'hoo-haa' of the awards and such. and i loved it. i put it in on a night i couldn't sleep and stayed up right to 4 am watching it. the opening line by Cheadle caught me and i was trapped. although the movie centred on the ugly issue of racism in the USA, the fact that racism is such a strong ugly element of human nature - it has a very universal flavour. anyone can identify with it in some way or other.
but i'm not going into a full on review on CRASH. obivously, it's a good movie. so, if you haven't watched it - it's a recommended watch for sure.
i just wanted to say, that the one thing that'll keep me humble is my belief that i have my own set of beliefs and moral standards - but i am acutely aware that, so does everyone else - and much akin to my view on 'opinions', just like assholes, everybody has one.
however, i always thought that people i am close friends with - well, i always thought that we'd share some semblance of that standard. recent events have made me realise that that is not necessarily true. a 'semblance' would perhaps be too strong a word - perhaps 'appreciation' for each others' standard would be more apt.
that led me to question, "Is that enough?" would you be able to still regard someone as a close friend if he/she did not share a 'semblance' of your own standard of morality?
would an 'appreciation' of your stand on matters be adequate?
it disturbed me for for awhile. this little anal train of thought which certainly is the product of one who is desperately avoiding doing what he is supposed to be doing (i should be studying!). but i believe i've reached a definitive conclusion on this matter.
i truly believe that i was asking a non-consequential question ie "Is that enough?"
surely, the question of consequence, the real bottom line, the one that counts is, "Regardless of whether that person shares your belief or so-called standard - would that person be someone you can count on?"
and that's when i realised, that regardless of whether people whom i regard as close friends share my beliefs/standards or not - they are people i can count on - no matter what. they'd go out of their way to help me do something i believe in even if they didn't themselves.
so, what do i then make of people who say things like, "I can't be friends with someone who does not share my beliefs/standards" ?
honestly, i think that is a very fair thing to say. but then again, that's not the pivotal statement is it? it should be, "I am friends with anyone I can truly count on to help me in anything I need help in. And I do mean anything."
oh well - i was just musing.
signing off, the commonjack.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
i'm ashamed.
i'm ashamed to admit it. but the one thing that really scares me now. is my impending final exam. what a foolish thing to be afraid of ... something that i actually have the opportunity to prepare for and face down.
don't get me wrong. if you're thinking, "hey, everybody is afraid of exams." i'm talking about fear at another level. i've always been afraid of exams. academics - has never been my strong suit. however, that being said - normally i study sufficiently for an exam - the last time i think i was at least properly prepared to give an exam a good go was when i was doing STPM.
every other exam after that - i have to say - i didn't do myself justice.
since getting in law - my results have been significantly short of satisfactory. in fact, if you had to judge me on paper. i'm a dumbass. truly. my grades speak volumes - and nothing positive. you'd be thinking along the lines of..."This guy didn't do well at his course at all. He might as well just not have graduated." or if you were really nice, "This guy didn't study for his exams at all." - and the latter isn't saying much either is it?
i'm so afraid about how i'll do for this exam - that sometimes i feel incapacitated. for days at a time even. they all say that it really doesn't matter how you do. then again - they usually only say that to people who don't do well at all.
i'm ashamed to be afraid of a stupid thing like an exam. that's why i don't let it show. i make like i don't care.
but the truth is - it scares me.
signing off. the commonjack.
don't get me wrong. if you're thinking, "hey, everybody is afraid of exams." i'm talking about fear at another level. i've always been afraid of exams. academics - has never been my strong suit. however, that being said - normally i study sufficiently for an exam - the last time i think i was at least properly prepared to give an exam a good go was when i was doing STPM.
every other exam after that - i have to say - i didn't do myself justice.
since getting in law - my results have been significantly short of satisfactory. in fact, if you had to judge me on paper. i'm a dumbass. truly. my grades speak volumes - and nothing positive. you'd be thinking along the lines of..."This guy didn't do well at his course at all. He might as well just not have graduated." or if you were really nice, "This guy didn't study for his exams at all." - and the latter isn't saying much either is it?
i'm so afraid about how i'll do for this exam - that sometimes i feel incapacitated. for days at a time even. they all say that it really doesn't matter how you do. then again - they usually only say that to people who don't do well at all.
i'm ashamed to be afraid of a stupid thing like an exam. that's why i don't let it show. i make like i don't care.
but the truth is - it scares me.
signing off. the commonjack.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
THE CROW - the Graphic Novel.
finally, i've got my very own copy of The Crow. (Thanks babe!)
just in case you have absolutely no idea what The Crow is about (which is unliikely cause if you know me - you're bound to have heard about it before - but then again why would you care to remember right?) here's a little sypnosis ...
This is the story of a young man named Eric who along with his fiance, Shelly is murdered on an abandoned road, by a gang of junkies, led by T-Bird. Due to the pain suffered by their souls, Eric is sent back to put the wrong things right. It is very dark and violent, it is recommended for mature readers. The movie was based on this comic book. This story was born out of James O'Barr's personal tragedy.
James O'Barr's own words on Eric, the main character of the story, "I don't believe Eric is a hero. He can be absolutely cold-blooded and ruthless at times. When he goes into a room to get one person, everyone else in the room is probably going to die as well. I think what he's doing is terribly romantic, but I wouln't call him a hero."
The Crow dramatises O'Barr's belief that "an absolute, pure love does exist" and that "there are no boundries between good and evil where love is concerned."
The following extracts are from the Boston Phoenix:
O'Barr on the graphic novel;
"Writing The Crow didn't help at all. I thought it would be cathartic, but as I drew each page, it made me more self-destructive, if anything. There is pure anger on each page, little murders. I was more messed up by the time I was done with the book. There was a rumour going around when there was a delay between the third and fourth issues that I had committed suicide. I was annoyed by that, because God's had his elbow on my nech for this long, I feel I can stick it out. I'm not ready to put a period on that sentence yet."
On the death of Brandon Lee, and referring to Brandon's fiancé, Eliza (Lisa Hutton);
"I relived the same pain and anger as before. I wished I had never written the thing, though if I hadn't, I probably wouldn't be here, having been consumed by my very self-destructive behaviour. I was fueled by rage and fury for years and years. My soul felt like a hurrcane. I was raised in orphanages and foster homes, and I felt, like, "When is God gonna give me a break?" When Brandon died, I felt like, "Is God trying to test my limits or what?" Why let me become best friends with the guy and take him senselessly from me? God is a bastard, if there is one."
"Brandon and Eliza helped me make something positive finally come out of this. The helped me a great deal. And I had a lot of guilt associated with the money I made from this movie. It felt like blood money to me, so I've kept nothing for myself. I used the money to help a lot of people; international children's organisations, and hip replacement surgery for a 10 year old Brazilian girl who thinks I'm some big rock star or something over here - some money to my family."
the book is now a permanent fixture on my bedside table. when i can't stand to look at another law related book. i pick it up. i love the art work. i love the words. good example of both and 
like this one for instance - Eric (The Crow) goes into a room to kill "Funboy", one of the guys who killed and raped his fiancee, and it was full of Funboy's men ... and he says...
"Seven Blackbirds in a tree, count them and see what they be. ONE for SORROW, TWO for JOY, THREE for a girl and FOUR for a boy. FIVE for SILVER, SIX for GOLD and SEVEN for a secret that's never been told. - (pause) - You're all going to die."
cool.
i love the way the story is laid out in the book. i love the whole concept. and i think i'm gonna fall head-first into a new hobby to collect graphic novels!
in fact, i know what's next! THE CROW - Shattered Lives & Broken Dreams. (my b'day is in July - HINT HINT!) go look at it! remember it! lol.
i digress...anyway...poring through the pages in this book has reinforced my yearning to pick up art classes! i want to learn how to draw. it'll be another way for me to express myself! and who knows? i might be good at it?
and i was immediately inspired to write my own little 'angry poem' after finishing it the 1st time. :)
it's called, "My Gain."
Round and round we go.
Where we stop?
Nobody knows,
Listen to me and listen close,
Pay attention -
It is a rhyme of which you are to be told,
It's time for you to feel the cold,
The chill in the wind and the shiver in the rain,
I present to you the pain, Your death - My Gain.
signing off, the commonjack.
just in case you have absolutely no idea what The Crow is about (which is unliikely cause if you know me - you're bound to have heard about it before - but then again why would you care to remember right?) here's a little sypnosis ...
This is the story of a young man named Eric who along with his fiance, Shelly is murdered on an abandoned road, by a gang of junkies, led by T-Bird. Due to the pain suffered by their souls, Eric is sent back to put the wrong things right. It is very dark and violent, it is recommended for mature readers. The movie was based on this comic book. This story was born out of James O'Barr's personal tragedy.
James O'Barr's own words on Eric, the main character of the story, "I don't believe Eric is a hero. He can be absolutely cold-blooded and ruthless at times. When he goes into a room to get one person, everyone else in the room is probably going to die as well. I think what he's doing is terribly romantic, but I wouln't call him a hero."
The Crow dramatises O'Barr's belief that "an absolute, pure love does exist" and that "there are no boundries between good and evil where love is concerned."
The following extracts are from the Boston Phoenix:
O'Barr on the graphic novel;
"Writing The Crow didn't help at all. I thought it would be cathartic, but as I drew each page, it made me more self-destructive, if anything. There is pure anger on each page, little murders. I was more messed up by the time I was done with the book. There was a rumour going around when there was a delay between the third and fourth issues that I had committed suicide. I was annoyed by that, because God's had his elbow on my nech for this long, I feel I can stick it out. I'm not ready to put a period on that sentence yet."
On the death of Brandon Lee, and referring to Brandon's fiancé, Eliza (Lisa Hutton);
"I relived the same pain and anger as before. I wished I had never written the thing, though if I hadn't, I probably wouldn't be here, having been consumed by my very self-destructive behaviour. I was fueled by rage and fury for years and years. My soul felt like a hurrcane. I was raised in orphanages and foster homes, and I felt, like, "When is God gonna give me a break?" When Brandon died, I felt like, "Is God trying to test my limits or what?" Why let me become best friends with the guy and take him senselessly from me? God is a bastard, if there is one."
"Brandon and Eliza helped me make something positive finally come out of this. The helped me a great deal. And I had a lot of guilt associated with the money I made from this movie. It felt like blood money to me, so I've kept nothing for myself. I used the money to help a lot of people; international children's organisations, and hip replacement surgery for a 10 year old Brazilian girl who thinks I'm some big rock star or something over here - some money to my family."
the book is now a permanent fixture on my bedside table. when i can't stand to look at another law related book. i pick it up. i love the art work. i love the words. good example of both
and like this one for instance - Eric (The Crow) goes into a room to kill "Funboy", one of the guys who killed and raped his fiancee, and it was full of Funboy's men ... and he says...
"Seven Blackbirds in a tree, count them and see what they be. ONE for SORROW, TWO for JOY, THREE for a girl and FOUR for a boy. FIVE for SILVER, SIX for GOLD and SEVEN for a secret that's never been told. - (pause) - You're all going to die."
cool.
i love the way the story is laid out in the book. i love the whole concept. and i think i'm gonna fall head-first into a new hobby to collect graphic novels!
in fact, i know what's next! THE CROW - Shattered Lives & Broken Dreams. (my b'day is in July - HINT HINT!) go look at it! remember it! lol.
i digress...anyway...poring through the pages in this book has reinforced my yearning to pick up art classes! i want to learn how to draw. it'll be another way for me to express myself! and who knows? i might be good at it?
and i was immediately inspired to write my own little 'angry poem' after finishing it the 1st time. :)
it's called, "My Gain."
Round and round we go.
Where we stop?
Nobody knows,
Listen to me and listen close,
Pay attention -
It is a rhyme of which you are to be told,
It's time for you to feel the cold,
The chill in the wind and the shiver in the rain,
I present to you the pain, Your death - My Gain.
signing off, the commonjack.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
My CAR For SALE!
hey people. i'm trying to sell off my car. if you know of anyone looking for a car. pretty decent condition if i may say so myself. or if you know of anyone who can help me sell it. let me know.
thanks.
Citroen ZX (Year of make 1997), 2.0 Litre metallic Green.
Asking price: RM 11,200 - (price negotiable).
Front View
Back View
Driver's Seat
Side Profile
signing off, commonjack.
thanks.
Citroen ZX (Year of make 1997), 2.0 Litre metallic Green.
Asking price: RM 11,200 - (price negotiable).
Front View
Back View
Driver's Seat
Side Profile
signing off, commonjack.
I was so nervous.
wow. yesterday, i went for an audition - for a musical. yes folks, i did indeed say 'musical'. and i couldn't have done worse for an audition if i tried!
first of all, i was so nervous - my lips were trembling. my stomache felt empty, light and airy (is this what they mean by 'butterflies in the stomache'?), i was quivering slightly (but just enough to make me feel like i'm not in control of my body and voice) ... it was like food poisoning without the puking!
i've neever been that nervous in my entire life. i've been more scared than that. i've been more excited that that. but i think yesterday was the 1st time i've ever felt truly nervous. either that, or i've achieved a new level of nervousness i never thought i'd ever reach!
basically, i went in - met a panel of about 7 or 8 people. amongst them, some of the most notable people in m'sian theatre (i'm not going to drop names at this point). said my "hello-s' and was told, "Ok, Michael. Just sing for us. I don't even want to know what the song is."
and i sang, "I Could Have Danced All Night". or - i think it'd be more apt to say that i 'attempted' to sing it. it was so bad. i was forgetting the lyrics. my lips were still trembling. i didn't know what to do with my hands. i didn't know where to look (eye contact or close my eyes or look at the ceiling or the floor? what where who how???!!!) and i was told to stop before i could finish it. i must have looked like one of those seriously bad people who try to go for those IDOL try-outs.
then i was asked, "Michael, what were you singing?" the answer stumbled out of my mouth, myself feeling like i was in way over my head feeling quite foolish for even thinking that i could sing that song and then i was asked, "Who told you to sing that?" clearly, he knew it wasn't my idea to sing it. once again, the answer stumbled out and i asked, "Could I maybe sing something I'm more comfortable with?"
the resounding reply was, "YES!"
feeling a lot more relieved that i didn't have to try and sing some musical piece. i sang Bon Jovi's "Bang A Drum". i was still shaking, but my lips weren't trembling this time around. i made it through the 1st verse and finished the 1st chorus before a hand wsa put up to indicate "that's good enough". personally, i felt like i could have delivered the song a lot better than i did - but i suppose i did adequately.
however, i was still a nervous wreck. then came the dreaded 'range testing'. i went next to the piano. and tried desperately to follow the "la La LA la la..." going terribly off key. off the note. off everything! (*i'm admittedly quite tone deaf and am only comfortable hitting notes on my guitar. put me next to a piano - and everything goes to shit for some reason!) the best i could do was that i actually hit ONE note but on a different KEY! sigh... *hangs head in shame.
then came the dancing bit. the choreographer came out and said, "Do you dance?"
"Er, besides what I used to do in school with friends ie looking at MTV clips and following what they did ... and the occassional clubbing ... nope."
nodding her head, she told me to try and follow her. the 1st particular move was simple enough. there was a huge mirror for in front of us. and i just kept looking at her and did the move - even adding my own little 'flavour' to it. then i tried to make myself look more convincing by taking my eyes off her and just look straight forward and she picked up the pace and i almost immediately screwed up of course! - but i focused my eyes on her again and managed to follow.
then music came on. and i was asked to walk like i was walking in the rain - (as in performing wise - the mental picture i got from her demonstrating it was like some ballet thing...hands gracefully moving and elegant steps making use of the space available, eyes up to the imaginary sky moving to the flow of the music...) needless to say, i felt weird doing it. i need to get into a certain frame of mind to pull something like that off, and i believe i was getting into it...kinda...before i was told to stop and center myself again. then she started doing the simple move we started with ... this time with the music. and then she said, "Just do as I do ok?"
and the roller coaster ride began! there was a lot of elegant arm and hand movements ... the graceful twist of the body ... some soft leg movements ... and i had a real tough time following! i'm used to pulling some one handed somersault or the MC Hammer split (ie Hammer Time!) or some simple fancy footwork ... this was more ballet-ish stuff and i felt like a kickboxer in tights. once again feeling like i was way out of my league!
then it finally ended. as i left the floor and went back to the chair to face down the panel ..., "OK Michael. Lets get your schedule sorted out. We start rehearsals May 1st..."
"Er, I've got exams till June 9th."
"Really AH? Well then - (he writes down under comments in my form in big BIG Letters - NOT AVAILABLE) Cannot la Michael. You need to learn the songs and dancing. June 9th is too late."
feeling even more foolish, "Yes, I understand. I was just trying my luck. Didn't mean to waste your time."
"No, no. It's good that you came. At least now you have a lesson learned. Next time sing something you're comfortable with. And since you're more comfortable with your guitar ... bring it along next time...ok?"
so it ended with the shaking of hands and hugs - and i walked out of the audition space feeling like a complete *idiot.
the positive person in me still wonders (if i could have accomodated the rehearsal schedule) whether i would have been casted in this musical...for any role really. but the realist in me steps over my positive side and towers above it and says, "With an audition like that?! Hell no!"
oh well. good thing i'm a stubborn mutha too. i'll try again. the next chance i get.
on an entirely separate note ... go this site - HOMECOMING - the play. it's about 2 days from opening night. looks like a good one. so go get your tickets quick!
first of all, i was so nervous - my lips were trembling. my stomache felt empty, light and airy (is this what they mean by 'butterflies in the stomache'?), i was quivering slightly (but just enough to make me feel like i'm not in control of my body and voice) ... it was like food poisoning without the puking!
i've neever been that nervous in my entire life. i've been more scared than that. i've been more excited that that. but i think yesterday was the 1st time i've ever felt truly nervous. either that, or i've achieved a new level of nervousness i never thought i'd ever reach!
basically, i went in - met a panel of about 7 or 8 people. amongst them, some of the most notable people in m'sian theatre (i'm not going to drop names at this point). said my "hello-s' and was told, "Ok, Michael. Just sing for us. I don't even want to know what the song is."
and i sang, "I Could Have Danced All Night". or - i think it'd be more apt to say that i 'attempted' to sing it. it was so bad. i was forgetting the lyrics. my lips were still trembling. i didn't know what to do with my hands. i didn't know where to look (eye contact or close my eyes or look at the ceiling or the floor? what where who how???!!!) and i was told to stop before i could finish it. i must have looked like one of those seriously bad people who try to go for those IDOL try-outs.
then i was asked, "Michael, what were you singing?" the answer stumbled out of my mouth, myself feeling like i was in way over my head feeling quite foolish for even thinking that i could sing that song and then i was asked, "Who told you to sing that?" clearly, he knew it wasn't my idea to sing it. once again, the answer stumbled out and i asked, "Could I maybe sing something I'm more comfortable with?"
the resounding reply was, "YES!"
feeling a lot more relieved that i didn't have to try and sing some musical piece. i sang Bon Jovi's "Bang A Drum". i was still shaking, but my lips weren't trembling this time around. i made it through the 1st verse and finished the 1st chorus before a hand wsa put up to indicate "that's good enough". personally, i felt like i could have delivered the song a lot better than i did - but i suppose i did adequately.
however, i was still a nervous wreck. then came the dreaded 'range testing'. i went next to the piano. and tried desperately to follow the "la La LA la la..." going terribly off key. off the note. off everything! (*i'm admittedly quite tone deaf and am only comfortable hitting notes on my guitar. put me next to a piano - and everything goes to shit for some reason!) the best i could do was that i actually hit ONE note but on a different KEY! sigh... *hangs head in shame.
then came the dancing bit. the choreographer came out and said, "Do you dance?"
"Er, besides what I used to do in school with friends ie looking at MTV clips and following what they did ... and the occassional clubbing ... nope."
nodding her head, she told me to try and follow her. the 1st particular move was simple enough. there was a huge mirror for in front of us. and i just kept looking at her and did the move - even adding my own little 'flavour' to it. then i tried to make myself look more convincing by taking my eyes off her and just look straight forward and she picked up the pace and i almost immediately screwed up of course! - but i focused my eyes on her again and managed to follow.
then music came on. and i was asked to walk like i was walking in the rain - (as in performing wise - the mental picture i got from her demonstrating it was like some ballet thing...hands gracefully moving and elegant steps making use of the space available, eyes up to the imaginary sky moving to the flow of the music...) needless to say, i felt weird doing it. i need to get into a certain frame of mind to pull something like that off, and i believe i was getting into it...kinda...before i was told to stop and center myself again. then she started doing the simple move we started with ... this time with the music. and then she said, "Just do as I do ok?"
and the roller coaster ride began! there was a lot of elegant arm and hand movements ... the graceful twist of the body ... some soft leg movements ... and i had a real tough time following! i'm used to pulling some one handed somersault or the MC Hammer split (ie Hammer Time!) or some simple fancy footwork ... this was more ballet-ish stuff and i felt like a kickboxer in tights. once again feeling like i was way out of my league!
then it finally ended. as i left the floor and went back to the chair to face down the panel ..., "OK Michael. Lets get your schedule sorted out. We start rehearsals May 1st..."
"Er, I've got exams till June 9th."
"Really AH? Well then - (he writes down under comments in my form in big BIG Letters - NOT AVAILABLE) Cannot la Michael. You need to learn the songs and dancing. June 9th is too late."
feeling even more foolish, "Yes, I understand. I was just trying my luck. Didn't mean to waste your time."
"No, no. It's good that you came. At least now you have a lesson learned. Next time sing something you're comfortable with. And since you're more comfortable with your guitar ... bring it along next time...ok?"
so it ended with the shaking of hands and hugs - and i walked out of the audition space feeling like a complete *idiot.
the positive person in me still wonders (if i could have accomodated the rehearsal schedule) whether i would have been casted in this musical...for any role really. but the realist in me steps over my positive side and towers above it and says, "With an audition like that?! Hell no!"
oh well. good thing i'm a stubborn mutha too. i'll try again. the next chance i get.
on an entirely separate note ... go this site - HOMECOMING - the play. it's about 2 days from opening night. looks like a good one. so go get your tickets quick!
Monday, March 20, 2006
Conversations that don't understand.
people can forget how to talk to each other. it's a scary thought. but it's true. i'm not saying anything particularly earth shattering here. family, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends...no relationship is spared from this. even just people in general.
it's sad especially when i'm trying to talk to these people i see everyday. or when i see them try and talk to each other. they are committing to the act of 'speaking to each other' but little things get in the way and the intended message is lost and all the ugly stuff comes up because of what is lost.
i call this phenomenon "Conversations that don't Understand".
maybe it is best to just shut up sometimes. and stick with my guitar.
'nuff said.
signing off, the commonjack.
it's sad especially when i'm trying to talk to these people i see everyday. or when i see them try and talk to each other. they are committing to the act of 'speaking to each other' but little things get in the way and the intended message is lost and all the ugly stuff comes up because of what is lost.
i call this phenomenon "Conversations that don't Understand".
maybe it is best to just shut up sometimes. and stick with my guitar.
'nuff said.
signing off, the commonjack.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
exam season is nigh...
i've started with my revision course. this is my final year.
i can't afford to dwell on whether it was a *mistake choosing to do law in the 1st place. it's too late for that now. or rather, it's not the time to do that now. i can reflect on it later. although, in my mind and heart - right here and now - i can't help but feel that it was and is.
but - maybe that'll change after proper reflection and with more of my life unfolding without this veil of 'hate' covering my eyes and mind for what i'm *forcing myself to do.
they all tell me, "You don't get to do what you want to in your life. Not usually at least. So get used to it."
so that's what its all about eh? it makes me think of this James O'Barr quote, "Life is an incurable disease, birth and death being the symptoms."
anyway, if that's what its all about, the rational and mature person in me believes that 'How you deal with the things you are forced to do in life shows what you are made of'. and if that's the case, then i'm not very proud of the stuff i'm made of.
i didn't set out to be where i'm at right now. and i did want to do better. but now i'll do what i can - and give it a proper go here on in. and leave it at that. and move on.
this is my little prayer (of sorts) i say to myself most nights before i go to sleep.
"Hey God. What's up? It's me again. And again, I ask for strength, will, patience and wisdom to face down my life's challenges. Right now the biggest hurdle - my exam. (sounds so juvenile doesn't it? biggest hurdle being an exam.) Strength to rise to the occasion. Will to see myself through all the way. Patience to keep the pace. Wisdom to do my best.
Not forgetting, watch over those I love. All of them. No need to worry too much about me. No matter what happens to me - I'm good.
Give a break to those who need it. Not just the deserving - but those who *need it. Everyone deserves a break.
Thanks for listening."
my previous blogs when facing my exam last year below...(some directly related - some not really...)
i'm an idiot.
the really 'real' world.
depression?
signing off, the commonjack.
i can't afford to dwell on whether it was a *mistake choosing to do law in the 1st place. it's too late for that now. or rather, it's not the time to do that now. i can reflect on it later. although, in my mind and heart - right here and now - i can't help but feel that it was and is.
but - maybe that'll change after proper reflection and with more of my life unfolding without this veil of 'hate' covering my eyes and mind for what i'm *forcing myself to do.
they all tell me, "You don't get to do what you want to in your life. Not usually at least. So get used to it."
so that's what its all about eh? it makes me think of this James O'Barr quote, "Life is an incurable disease, birth and death being the symptoms."
anyway, if that's what its all about, the rational and mature person in me believes that 'How you deal with the things you are forced to do in life shows what you are made of'. and if that's the case, then i'm not very proud of the stuff i'm made of.
i didn't set out to be where i'm at right now. and i did want to do better. but now i'll do what i can - and give it a proper go here on in. and leave it at that. and move on.
this is my little prayer (of sorts) i say to myself most nights before i go to sleep.
"Hey God. What's up? It's me again. And again, I ask for strength, will, patience and wisdom to face down my life's challenges. Right now the biggest hurdle - my exam. (sounds so juvenile doesn't it? biggest hurdle being an exam.) Strength to rise to the occasion. Will to see myself through all the way. Patience to keep the pace. Wisdom to do my best.
Not forgetting, watch over those I love. All of them. No need to worry too much about me. No matter what happens to me - I'm good.
Give a break to those who need it. Not just the deserving - but those who *need it. Everyone deserves a break.
Thanks for listening."
my previous blogs when facing my exam last year below...(some directly related - some not really...)
i'm an idiot.
the really 'real' world.
depression?
signing off, the commonjack.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
James O'Barr quote.
"Things will change. You can do very little with faith. But you can do nothing without it."
this just hit me. i'm not the most religious person around. but i wouldn't call myself a faithless person either.
on another note ...
anyway, people who've known me for a while - you know i've been entertaining the thought of getting a tattoo for the longest time. i've thought of various places to put it...shoulder blade, chest, on the arm...etc. currently, i seem to be leaning towards getting a small little one on my left wrist - just on the underside and making it about the size of a regular watch strap - with the size i'm imagining, you probably wouldn't be able to see it if i wear a watch (that's the size i'm considering at the moment).
i've considered many types of designs - from some tribal designs, to chinese characters, to images i've liked - i've also considered something of "The Crow" - if you've noticed the pictures on this site - i'm somewhat of a *fan.
below are some of the designs i'm thinking about - pitch a comment on what you think would look cool?
the mask at
the 'spread out crow' at
or
"A crow" at
"A tribal Crow" at
"Crow Eye" at
or
i'm still very much toying with the idea. as such, i might not even end up ever getting one. but really, who knows? so, getting some 2 cents would be very much welcomed.
see ya'all.
this just hit me. i'm not the most religious person around. but i wouldn't call myself a faithless person either.
on another note ...
anyway, people who've known me for a while - you know i've been entertaining the thought of getting a tattoo for the longest time. i've thought of various places to put it...shoulder blade, chest, on the arm...etc. currently, i seem to be leaning towards getting a small little one on my left wrist - just on the underside and making it about the size of a regular watch strap - with the size i'm imagining, you probably wouldn't be able to see it if i wear a watch (that's the size i'm considering at the moment).
i've considered many types of designs - from some tribal designs, to chinese characters, to images i've liked - i've also considered something of "The Crow" - if you've noticed the pictures on this site - i'm somewhat of a *fan.
below are some of the designs i'm thinking about - pitch a comment on what you think would look cool?
the mask at
the 'spread out crow' at
or "A crow" at
"A tribal Crow" at
"Crow Eye" at
or i'm still very much toying with the idea. as such, i might not even end up ever getting one. but really, who knows? so, getting some 2 cents would be very much welcomed.
see ya'all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)