this is a train of thought that's been pulling at my insides lately. and i decided to blog it. i lay no claim to being a good person. i used to think that i was at some point of my life but now i dare not lay claim to such a label. i am no different from the next guy. i do not 'know' any better.
i just try my best to do the 'right' thing. that doesn't necessarily mean that it shows though. me saying that, "i try my best to do the right thing", are merely words. and to some people, who have been witness to my attempts may attest to the validity of such words. however, it may be fair to say that those who have been privy to such attempts are truly in their minority.
thus far, i've had my share of mistakes. i've wronged my fair share of people. i have also wronged myself. some of these negatives i greatly regret. others, i feel - are matters of inevitable consequence. i truly feel that some of the 'wrongs' i've committed were wholly unavoidable. some of those 'wrongs' HAD to happen. call it fate - call it any bloody thing you want. to me, it's because at that given time the 'wrong' was committed, given my personal circumstance as well as the other person plus the conditions surrounding the 'wrong' - there was no other way to go BUT the 'wrong' way.
they say 'you always have a choice' and i'd agree, but the choice available to me at the time of the 'wrongs' were not to fix the situation but only to delay the inevitable or to just let the inevitable happen. and since i am a person who would prefer to have things 'cut and dry' - if at all possible - i opted to just let the inevitable happen.
i have failed in my efforts to garner the only mantle of 'greatness' i thought was available to me; ie to be a 'good person'. i always figured, in my journey to attain such a status, in life i would probably 'NOT' be many things ... but at least no one can say that i was NOT a good person. at least, after all was said and done, i would always have that with me.
alas, i suppose that is not to be. for i am NOT a good person.
but i just try my very best to do the 'right' thing. i still do. and will always try - especially with matters and people that matter. i do *try. does that make me a 'good person'? i don't know.
oh well.
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