Anti Climax

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Myself.
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Well, I am now officially a Law Graduate. I have graduated with a 3rd Class honours LLB Degree. By the way, LLB is short for Legum Baccalaureus which is Latin for Bachelor of Laws. In case you cared to know lah. I figured I should at least know since I am holding an honours degree in it. And at one point, I believe I did. I just forgot about it for 2+ years and have now decided to dig it up again. So there.

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My Parents & I.

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I am very glad to be done with it and am very happy with the current path I am on. I am convinced that I am in the right line. Just what exactly I'll end up doing - for example,

a) Will I strictly be a Producer (which is what I'm gunning for now)?
b) Will I branch out into Directing (which I am working on trying my hand at with some personal projects)? Or
c) Will I end up just acting (in tv and theatre) and hopefully create some kind of a 'celebrity' status for myself so that I can make a living by emcee-ing events ... blah blah - you get my drift.

To be honest, I'd love it if I could just do option (c). Unfortunately, I haven't been blessed with that sort of luck yet. Maybe it'll come one day. I don't know. But I know that I can't be counting on that happenning and just wait around for it. I have to get my hands dirty doing something else now. Which is essentially what I'm doing.

Anyway, all that is one kettle of fish. Something which I believe will sort itself out eventually since I feel like I'm on the right track.
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My Brothers & I.
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This entry is not about all that. This entry is supposed to be about my 'anti-climax' of an end to me studies in Law.

If you know me, you'd immediately know that I was never into doing Law. It was something I ended up doing because I was convinced into believing that it was the best thing to do. And to a certain extent, I agree that studying law was indeed the best thing to do under my circumstances. The fact remains however that I could have done much better at it. But that is also, another story which I am not bothered to deal with since there is pretty much nothing I can do about it.

Moving on, my Graduation Ceremony was, to put it in a nutshell, 'anti-climatic'. There was no swelling pride in my belly for having finished law with an honours degree. No tearful display or any hint of such when I held my scroll in hand, wearing my graduating robe - shaking the hand of the person wishing me congratulations for a job well done.

Even when the Dean of External Studies from the University of London (UOL) said in his speech that graduating was no mere simple feat and that the UOL External LLB degree is easily one of the toughest degree programmes in the world. And touting statistics like,

"There are about 1 000 students graduating today. The number of students who registered for the external programme 3 or 4 years ago was approximately 3000 ++. That means only 1/3rd of you from that batch are graduating tonight. Think about that."

For a blink of a second, I thought about it, and I felt like ... "Wow. That's true. When you look at it that way , graduating at all is a cool thing." But I grounded myself immediately, knowing full well that I told myself from the very beginning, I didn't want to just graduate with a 3rd Class. Anyone can get a 3rd Class. It is not really that hard. And I know I'm better than that. Oh well.

At any rate, the anti-climatic feeling was not because the Graduation Ceremony and Dinner was a bore and terribly unorganised. (Although, that could have attributed to and compounded the feeling even further.) The reason for my feeling that way was more due to my utter feelings of detachment from the entire proceeding. In fact, I guess, throughout my 4 years of Law studies, I was never in it fully, I was always detached. I didn't feel like I was apart of that 1/3rd that was graduating that night. So, I couldn't feel proud of it.

It was a f*cked up feeling to feel.

I went home feeling like nothing happened. And this was supposed to be a sweet victory over my struggles with Law. And because of that, I did feel a little like I gained nothing from my 4 years of Law. Sure I got some insight and understanding with the mechanics of law. Sure I can now write better because of my practice with writing law essays and such. Sure there are other things too...But it still felt like nothing.

The next day I had a talk with my Dad. And he gave me one of those 'talks'. He did mention one thing that made more sense to me than anything else he said. He gave me a good idea on how not to feel like I've wasted my last 4 years studying Law. He advised me that, graduating with a Law Degree - although not planning on being apart of the practicing community, I am now inadvertently part of the fraternity. That because of that, I should keep abreast with the Bar Council. That I should be more aware about the legal surroundings of Malaysia and the world. Because I have studied it and have a grasp on the concept of law - better than that of a layman, that will set me apart from the next guy ... in whatever it is I end up doing.

You must think I'm silly for not thinking about that in the 1st place. But you must understand. I hated Law. I hated studying it. I hated myself for doing badly in it. I just wanted to get out of it.

But here I am, out of it - and still feeling like shit. Maybe I should do what my Dad advised. Maybe that way, I won't feel like I wasted 4 years of my life. Maybe then I can feel proud about being part of that 1/3rd that graduated that night.

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Anrie & I.