giving up.

it's 12.15pm. i wrote this a few days ago on my little organiser. i decided to post it up. so here it is...

Giving Up.
This must be the worst feeling in the world. What happens when you give up? You get angry. You feel useless. There are no more possibilities. It's over. That's all she wrote. And that's it.
When it gets to that stage, you will feel drained. There's nothing that's within reach. Everything is a million miles away and the first step just takes too much and you don't even feel like the effort to take that step is worth it.
You lose hope.
It must be the worst feeling in the world. I believe I get my strength from my stubborness. I am stubborn. I refuse to believe that things are the way they are and that's that. I refuse to just 'accept' things and be done with it. I don't impose this stubborness on others. But I've come to realise that being like that makes other people feel uncomfortable sometimes because they would naturally feel 'pressured' in a sense.
That can't be helped. People are going to feel the way they are going to feel. I just have to keep doing what I believe I should do.
I'd rather keep knocking my head against a 10 foot wall than to give up. If it's a lost cause - I cannot let that affect me. I must keep going. Because giving up cannot be an option.
There's this whole thing with me and changes that I've gone through. I don't feel as strong as I used to be. I don't feel like I can take on the world now. And I was wondering what the hell went wrong. Now I know.
I gave up.
Plain and simple. I gave on certain aspects of my life. I started to accept things the way they were although that wasn't the way they were supposed to be. There are things in life that have to be accepted the way the are. But some things turn into something entirely different. They become shadows of what they're supposed to be. And these are the things I refuse to accept. However, I have.
That's why I've changed. I gave up.
It's the worst f**king feeling in the world.

signing off, the common jack amongst the kings and queens.