Friends.

it's 12.10 pm. i figured i'd write something more hopeful or less depressing. :) so, this is dedicated to all my real friends out there (even if you never read this)...

sometimes, when you lose yourself. you wonder why would people want to associate with you. heck even you yourself don't feel like associating with yourself.

it is times like that when the classic stuff happens - like drinking yourself silly hoping to forget yourself for a while. or you go ahead and do something crazy to get that adrenaline rush just to take your mind off things. some people resort to drugs. personally, i like to go running or playing some form of sport.

i used to run when i was really stressed out. jog. sprint. till i couldn't do it anymore. then i would come home. upon reaching home, if i still find that i have some more energy left - i'd do push ups, sit ups, etc... just to really tire myself out so that i'd be too tired to even think. so that the first thing that comes to mind would be the most practical solution to whatever that was stressing me out. 'cause i'd be too tired to think about doing other 'useless' things. well - it works for me.

these days, i get to go for kickboxing to release that stress. that helps.

anyway, getting back to the subject at hand. at the end of the day, good company of people i'm comfortable with and whom are loyal to me really helps to cap off the whole road to recovery. among other things, that's what friends are for.

i mean, when i'm having problems and i don't even feel like associating with myself - it helps when my friends still want to associate with me. :)

but when you're really down - you get to a point when you think you don't deserve the friends you have. and you might be right. however, here's the thing, friendships don't just happen in a blink of an eye. although it feels like that's the way it happens sometimes. friendships is a form of relationship that develops. it's a living organism. it has a life of its own. it grows and dies and is reborn sometimes. it changes and transforms. with some people, you don't need that much time for all these things to happen whilst with others - it takes time. you know how it is - sometimes you've known this one person for years and 5 years later - you find yourself closer to that one person(out of the blue). it happens.

my point is- even you feel you don't deserve the friendship of such wonderful people because the part of you (that you believe that person made friends with) has changed - it doesn't matter. you already have it (the friendship).

i just heard this line today, "It doesn't matter how we got here; we're already here."

in other words, sometimes, it doesn't matter why or how 2 people become friends in the first place - so even if something in you has changed - regardless - if a bond is strong - then the friendship will grow or transform into something else (for better or for worse).

it won't die.

signing off, the common jack amongst the kings and queens.