humour me.

it's Aug! shit. reality is knocking at the door and come Sept - my holidays will be over...and then i'll have to deal with some shit. oh well...in that vein - continue reading...

X

okok - here's how its gonna work. i'm gonna give you guys, *my dear readers, a scenario. and at the end of it. i'ma gonna ask a question. if you feel like it - answer it in all honesty. there's no censoring here. and i try not to judge. so you can say anything you want. wokay? here goes...

SCENARIO:
life is going well for X. doesn't have a 1st class family. nobody really communicates. rare family meals. everyone's got their own thing. family breaks apart every now and then. but push come to shove - the family trudges along through it all.

X is a generally nice person. X could be described as a guy who's a bit of an extrovert but shy all the same. not a pure extrovert. X is far from what people would refer to as 'a social butterfly' but is outspoken in 'small doses'.

leads a rather active and diversified lifestyle in the sense that - he can find it within himself to appreaciate the finer things like art - although in a very rudimentary sense (X is not exactly one of those people you see at art galleries going, "I think this particular tree at the corner of this painting symbolises life and how it seems far away in the corner but growing strong..." etc...).

X appreciates literature and is familiar with names like Kafka, Austen, Shakespeare, Pablo Neruda, Joyce, Yeats, John Keats, etc...but also in a very rudimentary sense. X may know these names but has not read most of them and is most likely gonna face great difficulty to fully appreciate the greatness that these literary greats possess when X attempts to pick these greats up and try to read them.

but put all that arty, finer things in life aside - X is also just a regular person. for example, X likes sports. X plays everything from badminton to squash, from golf to basketball to football, from pool to snooker etc.

X enjoys having a midnight teh tarik at the mamak. X loves great food and this encompasses everything from the things you get at 5 star hotels to what you can get from hawker stalls set up on the streets or back alleys of Malaysia...

so you get the picture of what X is like - this may or may not be helpful in answering the question.

so now X is leaving school. X is not one of those people who know exactly what they want to be like a doctor, lawyer, teacher, police officer, singer, actor, barber -. but X seemed a little partial towards a degree in Mass Comm.

however, X was advised by Father and Brother that Law is a good way to go too. it's a degree that attaches with it some 'class' and prestidge. and it'd be challenging. you'd be learning something with more 'substance'. you'd be trained to think at another level. and once you graduate - you can still go into lines of work that the study of Mass Comm degree prepares you for!

(note: i am in no way putting down the course of Mass Comm and glorifying the study of Law - i'm just givin' ya a scenario. =>)

X agreed.

X did rather well in the 1st year of the study of Law. but all the while - X's heart wasn't in it. it was like studying Chemistry, Physics, Geography, Add Math in secondary school. it felt like it's just something that X needed to study and get it over with.

and with that - things just got worse in the 2nd year. subjects were 'drier' and 'bulkier' but unfortunately in no way simpler. X ended up failing the year and had to re-do it all over again.

X experienced the same problems. couldn't seem to rise above it to do well. if possible, X became even more 'dis-interested'. X began to detest Law. X got irritated easily, flustered and extremely disheartened at the fact of not being able to rise above it all to just 'do' the damn course. X knew that if X could just put in the work - X could pass and do well even. X knew it wasn't because X was stupid. X looks at some of the clowns who get through and that being the case, why can't X get through?

so X experienced moments of 'light' and felt as though it was do-able at some times. but X found that it was a difficult energy to sustain and fell short time and again. X felt like X was walking against the currents of a river and it was getting stronger and stronger the further up-river he got. and up to a certain point - X kept on getting swept back down the river only to get up and trudge along again.



X failed again.
___________________________________________________________________

now the question: X has already spent 3 years doing Law. X should be graduated by now. it's a 3 year course. but X is stuck in the 2nd year.

Would you do the year again? or Would you throw in the towel and go for another course?

neither answer will be easy. doing it again would mean going through the same shit and worse still - for the 3rd time. throwing in the towel would mean learning new subject matter right from the 1st year. and most degree courses would take another 3 to 4 years. it'd be some time before X can get out of 'student' status and join the 'rat race'. and not too mention numerous other remonstrances from family, society, himself, etc.

Note: we all know who X is - but i don't like to use names here. i'll refer to you as whatever you refer yourself to be. so like i said in the title of this entry - *humour me. :)

signing off - the commonjack.