exam season is nigh...

i've started with my revision course. this is my final year.

i can't afford to dwell on whether it was a *mistake choosing to do law in the 1st place. it's too late for that now. or rather, it's not the time to do that now. i can reflect on it later. although, in my mind and heart - right here and now - i can't help but feel that it was and is.

but - maybe that'll change after proper reflection and with more of my life unfolding without this veil of 'hate' covering my eyes and mind for what i'm *forcing myself to do.

they all tell me, "You don't get to do what you want to in your life. Not usually at least. So get used to it."

so that's what its all about eh? it makes me think of this James O'Barr quote, "Life is an incurable disease, birth and death being the symptoms."

anyway, if that's what its all about, the rational and mature person in me believes that 'How you deal with the things you are forced to do in life shows what you are made of'. and if that's the case, then i'm not very proud of the stuff i'm made of.

i didn't set out to be where i'm at right now. and i did want to do better. but now i'll do what i can - and give it a proper go here on in. and leave it at that. and move on.

this is my little prayer (of sorts) i say to myself most nights before i go to sleep.

"Hey God. What's up? It's me again. And again, I ask for strength, will, patience and wisdom to face down my life's challenges. Right now the biggest hurdle - my exam. (sounds so juvenile doesn't it? biggest hurdle being an exam.) Strength to rise to the occasion. Will to see myself through all the way. Patience to keep the pace. Wisdom to do my best.

Not forgetting, watch over those I love. All of them. No need to worry too much about me. No matter what happens to me - I'm good.

Give a break to those who need it. Not just the deserving - but those who *need it. Everyone deserves a break.

Thanks for listening."

my previous blogs when facing my exam last year below...(some directly related - some not really...)

i'm an idiot.

the really 'real' world.

depression?

signing off, the commonjack.