Ushering in 2006.

this is the last day of 2005. what a year ... i guess all in all - the year has been OK. fair share of ups and downs. i shan't go into it. i don't feel like it. but i shall quote today's Calvin & Hobbes strip that i read...it pretty much sums up my feeling for ushering in 2006...

Hobbes: Are you making any resolutions for the New Year?

Calvin: Yeah, I'm resolving to just wing it and see what happens.

Hobbes: So you're staying the course?

Calvin: I stick to my strengths.

yep. that pretty much sums it up for me. *Grin.

Happy New Year y'all!

i'm out.

the commonjack.

Julius Caesar Highlights.

ok, i know i promised a day by day posting regarding each performance as they came. however, obviously that didn't happen. the primary reason for this is that the shows took more out of me than i thought as it wore on ... and as such - here i am.

honestly speaking - i might be able to give a day by day analysis of each show but i won't. simply because then this entry will be a lot longer than necessary and also because - You (*my dear readers) probably wouldn't give a shit about all the little details i'd be obliged to express in such an analysis right? :)

as such, i will now attempt to give you HIGHLIGHTS of the show - as i remember them ...

*note: this is my account of what i was aware happened during the staging of Julius Caesar (2005) ... and therefore it may not be absolutely accurate and i apologise beforehand should there be any inconsistencies with what actually took place ...

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HIGHLIGHTS ...

1. the Patrick Teoh 'moment'.

if i am not mistaken, the moment happened on Day 4 of the staging ... on a Tuesday. we had a break on Monday and came back.

what basically happened is that in one of the opening scenes between Cassius (Patrick) and Brutus (Ari) - Patrick forgot his lines in one of Cassius' long speeches and got completely stuck. there was at least 30 seconds of silence on stage. Patrick looked at Ari and Ari looked back at Patrick and they continued looking at each other.

*it is said that such black outs are known to happen to every actor at some point in time ... the best an actor can do is hope that he / she finds a way out by saying something else (similar) to what he / she is supposed to say and get on with the scene ... ie do some impromptu work lah ... but this would be tricky to do in a Shakespearean play (at least - i think so!)

it was a scary moment. it took a while before it sunk in with us back stage that Patrick, of all people, could forget his lines! you could see some of us backstage, hands clasped together, eyes closed and mouths mouthing the lines ... hoping that somehow Patrick would telephatically pick up the signal. Colin (who played Decius) was jumping at the side of the backstage trying to signal to Patrick what the next line was ... (ie, "He hath a fever when he was in Spain ..."), putting his hand on his forehead.

but of course, all this was to no avail for it was impossible for Patrick to hear any of us and with all the lights, it would be impossible for Patrick to see us backstage either.

so, the situation was finally resolved when the sound guys cued in a sound cue (which was supposed to come in after Patrick finished his lines) earlier so that Ari could pick up with his own lines. and then the play continued as usual.

of course the people watching the play all thought it was either the fault of the sound guys or Ari's. nobody thought it was Patrick! haha. funny how things work out.

so that was the Patrick Teoh *moment. :)

2. no difference if Julius Caesar is dead or alive!

i believe this happened on opening night. Brutus goes into the pulpit after the murder of Julius Caesar. he addresses the Roman public of why he, who loved Caesar as he stabbed him, did so. there is a part in his speech where he is supposed to say,

"Had you rather Caesar were living and die all as slaves, than that Caesar were dead, to live all free men? ..."

and he actually slipped and said, "Had you rather Caesar be dead and live all as slaves, than that Caesar were dead, to live all free men? ..." lol.

from what i heard, not many people actually noticed this. i thought it was hilarious though. *Grin.

3. the laughter in the audience.

there was one show in particular where a known local theater personality came to watch - and although i didn't see it myself (i only heard laughter coming from the audience) - i was told later that it was indeed the person in question who laughed out loud disrupting the *feel of the show.

you may be wondering why would this seem to be a bad thing? well, reason being, the laughter came at serious moments of the play and the laugh sounded more *malicious (as if scoffing at the performance) rather than laughter in appreciation of the play. (although i could be wrong ...)

further, it seemed that the person in question walked in and out of the theater several times during the show and the person did not seem to do so in a discreet fashion.

i must say that i did not see any of this happen as i was mostly backstage and even when i was out on stage, i didn't look out to the audience enough to notice such things.

i know not why this person behaved in such a manner for i remember meeting this person on several occasions when this person used to come to my school's theater club and conduct free workshops. this person would even recognise me if i were to bump into this person on the street and almost never fails to say "hi" or at least give a friendly nod of acknowledgement. i am therefore quite puzzled as to this person's behaviour during that particular performance.

*sigh. i guess it is one of those things that i'll never know about.

4. my shuffling feet and my soft voice.

a constant criticism i received most of the time before most of the shows was my volume during performance. during sound check, my voice would ring through loud and clear but according to the sound guys and joe and even faridah - my volume seemed to be lacking during performance!

fortunately not severely so...but there was a relatively marked difference between my own volume and the others i shared my speaking scenes with ... such as Brutus (Ari Ratos) and Portia (Samantha Schubert).

it troubles me for i've never had problems in terms of projection. i did manage to raise my levels as the shows progressed. i hope i don't encounter such problems again in future productions.

another problem i thought i was done with is my own personal trait that i've had ever since i was a small boy. i shuffle my feet and i look as if i am constantly moving even when i *Think i am standing still! even my first theater teacher (Ms Sukania) saw this in me way back then and every peformance i did for her, she had to constantly remind me to remind myself NOT TO MOVE! lol. (it's not immediately obvious, but because of my restless nature, i tend to shift my weight from one foot to the next even when i have to stand still...*grin.)

the rest of the cast all had their own little quirks and it looked as if i was going to be spared from *teasing since my role was relatively small and i didn't have much stage time to be teased about. however, towards the end of the production - i "kena" also lah. Gavin (who plays Marc Anthony) was the 1st to bring it up and everyone else keenly agreed that i did indeed have that habit. *sigh ... oh well ... guess i couldn't escape it.

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there are more 'Highlights' - i could go on and on ... but i guess this should be enough for this entry.

needless to say, this has been truly a great experience for me. to be able to act in a production with names i used to only ever read about - and never thought that i'd ever get a chance to be with on the same stage ... much less even perhaps label such people: acquaintances or friends even! ... i guess you *could go so far as to say ... it's like a dream come true.

but i wouldn't really say that ... i aim for greater heights. where that is exactly? good question. i'll tell you when i get there. *Grin.

for those of you - dear friends, who'd like to know more about my great experience, give me a ring, buy me a cup of coffee and we can catch up. for the rest of you ... i guess, some things you'll just never know about me. haha.

signing off, the commonjack.

p/s: click on the link below to read what other people thought about the play.

http://www.kakiseni.com/events/theatre/NzY4Mw.html

out of sorts.

wow. i did something this morning that i've never done before.

i totally, completely, utterly forgot the fact that i had a class to teach this morning. my mind is all over the place. i can't focus. the weight of pressure i feel from the fact that i have more than i'd like to catch up with in terms of studies has been weighing heavily on my mind since "Julius Caesar" came to an end ... and i think that pressure has finally taken its toll on me. my brain crashed.

in fact, if my manager didn't text me and asked me about class this morning - i would have been completely oblivious of the fact that i had a class to teach this morning. after he called me, i immediately called my Boss - who was obviously not very pleased to hear about the news.

i f**ked up. no excuses.



it has never happened to me before ... brain crashing on me. and i think i should have seen it coming since monday (the day after my last show). today's show of utter irresponsibility just serves as a bloody *kick in the freakin' head.

gotta shape up. gotta get back into the flow of things. don't panic.

i'm actually still feeling very shell shocked at myself. damn...i don't even know what to say anymore.

i'm out.

signing off ... the lost commonjack.

back to real life.

the fantasy is over. now i'm headed back to real life.

being a part of Julius Caesar has been an experience that i'll have with me for a looooooong time.

i know i haven't been updating daily as promised but i shall come up with a summary on the performances i didn't write about soon. until then...

for those of you who came to watch - thank you so much. it really does mean a lot to me that you showed up.

for those of you who didn't - well, hopefully you'll get another chance to catch me in action in the near future.

signing off, the commonjack.

Day 3.

Show number 3: Dec 4th, Sunday - 3pm matinee.

call time today was at 12.30pm. i woke up at about 10.30 am. i had brunch and i was good to go. met up with Calvyn at his place at 11.40am and he drove. picked Roshan up afterwards and we were on our way. Colin didn't join the car-pool today.

we arrived at KLPAc by 12.15pm ish. then all us started up with personal warm-ups just as we did yesterday. after a while, we all got together and did some exercises together.

for those of you not in the know ... the group warm-up sessions serves as a good indicator to how well the actors are in *tune with each other (the more in tune with each other we are - chances are - the better the performance). however, for some reason, the group exercises weren't played as well as normal and the whole *energy / feel was kinda iffy. Joe immediately spotted this and after allowing us some time to attempt a *retuning - Joe headed up an exercise for all of us to follow. after which, things still felt a little *off but we were a bit more centered as a group after doing Joe's exercises methinks.

then all of us sat down to get last nights notes. in a nutshell, Joe told us that he believed last night's performance to be one of our best ever. see, our last Full Dress Rehearsal we had last Thursday night was a very good performance ... everything worked, from the actors to the lighting and the sound cues. so the Thursday night Full Dress was our bench mark to beat. and last night we beat it. as i said in the last entry, i felt good about that performance and i was absolutely right to think so.

so, the challenge all of us faced today ... was to repeat the same standard or do even better! talk about pressure man ...

personally speaking, i thought i did well today as well. although, just as our warm-ups ... the energy / feel felt iffy. it felt "up & down" to me - but fortunately - possibly more ups than downs lah.

and i noticed that not many people came today. i heard that it was a small audience (less than 120 people) as opposed to opening night (350 odd ++), 2nd night (i believe was close to 200, perhaps more) ...

although, at the end of it, before leaving, Joe said that he thought we did well today ... but he didn't elaborate further.

tomorrow, there is no show slated. we get the day off. and we begin again on Tuesday and continue every night till Saturday and one more matinee on Sunday. so, i guess i'll have to wait till Tuesday to hear Joe's notes about today's performance.

a bit of good news is that Tuesday night and next Sunday's matinee show is sold out already! cool...

ok lah - that's it for now. later.

the commonjack.

Day 2.

Show number 2: Dec 3th, Saturday night - 8.30pm

my family came to watch tonight.

once again, the day started innocently enough. i woke up at around 11 ish am. i bummed around a bit. had lunch. in the afternoon, at 2.30 pm - i decided to go work out (kickboxing) a bit. looking to rid myself of some of the opening night's jitters. and i believe it worked. i felt a lot more relaxed after kickboxing.

after kickboxing - i went to pick Roshan up. had a quick drink with him and as usual went to Calvyn's house where we met Colin as well. the Saturday traffic was very mild and as such we got to KLPAc at about 5.35 pm ... and since we only left Calvyn's house at 5.15 pm - that was good time. met up with the rest of the cast. joked about for a bit. then at 6 pm, we all started with our own personal warm-ups first. then we got together and did many physical warm ups together and together we also did a vocal warm up with Joe. the opening night jitters were not really there anymore. things felt more comfortable.

after the warm ups - Joe sat us all down and we received his 'notes' from last night's performance. as i expected, we were told that we put up an overall good performance the night before. but of course, we all know that we are capable of doing a whole lot better. Joe shared with each of us what he thought we lacked in particular scenes and how we can remedy the shortcomings from the night before.

taking in everything he said, i believe that we put a much stronger show tonight as compared to the night before. personally speaking, i felt that i did a whole lot better than yesterday - so i'm quite happy. some quirks here and there ... very subtle quirks that i of course hope to remedy. i was basically told that my character came across very lethargic the night before ... as opposed to a more energetic interpretation of the character as how i normally play it. so i believe that i managed to slip back into my energetic self tonight and am quite happy.

however, i felt i lacked a little in terms of being more sure of my body language - which is my next goal to remedy.

in fact, i felt everybody gave very strong performances tonight. the heated scene between Brutus (Ari Ratos) and Cassius (Patrick Teoh) close to the end was exceptionally stronger tonight - in my opinion ... well - as i said earlier lah - i felt we put on a better show tonight. and hopefully the curve continues along those lines...

i feel good tonight. and my family liked the play. i'm not sure what my Father thought of it. he is known to sleep through all my other plays. he didn't really say much about the play except that he thought that nobody in the cast sounded M'sian (said in a very neutral manner - so not sure if he meant it in a bad way or a good way) ... except for me ... apparently i sounded very M'sian. (i honestly don't know what to make of that comment).

anyway, it felt good tonight. i look forward to hearing Joe's notes tomorrow about our performance.

that's it for now. g'night y'all.

The Day.

Show number 1: Dec 2th, Friday night - 8.30pm

well, the opening night of JULIUS CAESAR has now come to pass. and what a night.

it started innocently enough. didn't have any nightmares about tripping over lines and etc. had sound sleep. and woke up at 10.15 am on the dot. went for lunch with some good 'ole form 6 friends since one of 'em is leaving the country for a year or so. came back home. bummed around - watched a little tv, jammed with my guitar for a bit ... and come 4 pm, i left to pick up a fellow actor, Roshan. had a drink at sentosa mamak stalls - then met up with Colin and Calvyn at the latter's house at 5.15 pm.

the 4 of us are taking turns to drive and car-pooling for the duration of the play.

call time at KLPAc is 6 pm. we managed to get there just in time. the whole cast then did a warm up session together. and then all of us got into costumes and got *mic'd up (the mics aren't at full level and the actors still need to fully project their voices in order to be heard). once mic'd up - we went through sound checks with the sound guys.

then we got our notes from our director, Joe.

this was then followed by a period of silence. all the actors kinda went their own way ... preparing for their own role. nobody spoke to each other. and this went on for about 3o minutes or so (but it felt a whole lot longer!).

most of the day, i was quite relaxed and calm - more than i thought i should be in fact. but when it came to those last few moments - my heart was racing and my palms became sweaty. the butterflies finally hit me. and this was evident right from the get-go for even in the opening scene, which is a scene in which i do almost nothing - my heart felt like it was beating its way right out of my chest!

my first entrance to my speaking scene was not executed as well i as hoped. the moment i walked off stage from that 1st entrance, i immediately knew myself that i was not projecting my voice enough. and i found this out later to be true. i consciously raised my level for my next few entrances but apparently, i was still not as loud as i could have been. i hope to remedy this for my next few shows.

also, my final scene, in which i rush on to the stage and witness my Lord Brutus about to kill himself. it basically goes like this, i rush on to the stage and Brutus and i share a *look, i realise what he's about to do, i get down on one knee and kiss his hand (wielding the dagger he is going to use) as a farewell gesture and i run off the stage again.

i f**ked up by taking too much time with the *look ... aih...

anyway, joe did not give us any notes about the show that night. for it was followed by a post opening night reception with lots of wine, whiskey, a little beer and some nuts and crackers. met a lot of the local theater/tv personalities ... Ben Tan, Nell Ng, Afdlin Shauki ... i didn't really talk much. i'm really lousy at these sort of social stuff ... i end up just standing by myself in some corner most of the time. once in a while, somebody calls to me and i sit with them - but still don't say much.

oh well, maybe i'll get used to these sort of things ... eventually. :)

Ok lah - that's more or less my 1st night. overall, i believe it was a good night. and the performance was of a relatively high standard. and i guess that is what counts.

rights ... will add on more if anything else comes to mind.

later ... the commonjack.

the day is tomorrow.

by my watch, it is now 2.45 am, Dec 1st - Thursday. that means, Julius Caesar will open tomorrow night. i don't think it's hit me yet - the fact that i am going to be in this major play.

it all feels rather subdued, since i am quite possibly the only person who's really excited about it. but i suppose that's the person who counts. if i'm not excited about what i'm doing - then who will be right?

anyway, in the spirit of things - i'll try and write about each show as they come. more so for self indulgence than anything else ... :)

Shameless advertising.

refer to my previous post, "Julius Caesar" for my 1st shameless advertising effort.

and you may refer to "just a story" for a tremendously veiled attempt at shameless advertising. if you bothered to read the long ass entry (which is actually a short story - you'd realise that the setting is actually a rip off from Julius Caesar - and the story of Jin is just my own reading into the character that i'll be playing in the play).

if you are in the country, go buy a ticket. watch this play! it's been adapted and i daresay - that it has been adapted quite well. so much so that people from Shakespeare enthusiasts to non Shakespeare enthusiasts would genuinely enjoy the play!

*Tickets cannot be reserved in advance but can be purchased over the telephone (and eventually online) using credit cards. Please call KLPac Box Office on (03) 4047 9000 or The Actors Studio @ BSC on (03) 2094 9400. (or go to www.klpac.com)

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JULIUS CAESAR
Executive Producer: Dato' Faridah Merican
Director: Joe Hasham
Cast: Ari Ratos, Patrick Teoh, Gavin Yap, Kennie Dowle, Clare Dedic, Samantha Schubert, Kurt Crocker, Colin Kirton, Pavanjeet Singh, Roshan Narayan, Calvyn Wong, Michael Chen and Amsalan Doraisingam

Synopsis:
Julius Caesar is a tale of conspiracy, power, death and destruction.

When Caesar returns victorious to Rome, he is offered the crown by the populace and unwillingly he rejects it, three times. Cassius, wary of Caesar's foibles and ambitions conspires to have Caesar assassinated; but for his conspiracy to be accepted by the populace he must, and does, win the noble Brutus over to his side.

The pre-determined day for the assassination, the Ides of March (15th March), is prophesised by a soothsayer. On that day, Caesar is mercilessly stabbed to death on his way to the Senate House. One by one the conspirators, in the form of a ritualistic sacrifice, thrust their daggers into Caesar's body. The final thrust is delivered by Caesar's beloved Brutus... 'Et tu Brute'.

What follows is a disastrous series of events, culminating in the double suicides of Cassius and Brutus.

Status : Active

Category : Play

Duration : 2 December - 11 December 2005

Venue : Pentas 1 KLPac Price : RM60 & RM40 (inclusive of RM2 ticket handling charge) 50% discount for students below 18 (Not applicable on promotional nights).

TICKETS ON SALE NOW!

Presenter : KLPac

p/s: for more info - go to http://www.klpac.com/Welcome.asp or straight for my play, http://www.klpac.com/Welcome.asp?c=whatsontheatreview&theatreID=5&theatrecatID=5 ...

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rehearsals for this play has been amazing. most of the cast have been in the theater scene for quite a while and watching the creation process night after night has been a real experience. i feel like i'm getting better just by being around them!

obviously, there's some serious acting involved in this play and with all the dying happening in the end ... my character being very closely connected with Brutus ... in the last few rehearsals - my final scene with Brutus ( in which my character is the last person with whom Brutus speaks with - and my character who is very close to Brutus...knowing that he is about to kill himself and can do nothing about it ... ) - well, it's quite an emotional scene lah.

so with each passing rehearsal i work on creating the proper emotions for the scene - building up to it and this is one of the toughest things for me. i am after all still a real freshie when it comes to acting. however, in the last few rehearsals, i've found that i not only can work up the emotions inside but actual tears form and i begin to cry - and i feel *genuinely sad!

i'm not just acting it anymore. i'm genuinely sad! i know ... it doesn't sound too exciting reading it here ... but it means a lot to me. in the past year and half - i've improved as an actor...and i'm loving it. *Grin.

hopefully - by the time i'm done with my damn Law course next year in July - i'll get more acting gigs. i can't even imagine what it'd be like having to work on plays and act without having to worry about studying for exams, etc... *sighs wistfully.

anyway, below are postcards they made to publicise the play...

alrights. thats it for now. laters.

just a story ...

*warning

: 'the setting' you will read below is a complete rip-off from a project i am currently involved in. this i am sure you would be immediately aware of from the get go if you have been paying attention - but the bit after 'the setting' is my own spin-off from the rip-off.

imagine if you will the story of this character i shall name Jin.

the setting

:
this story happens in a fictional kingdom i shall call Gawdsland. Gawdsland is but a small portion of this huge Continent and is country ruled by one King - whom i shall refer to very simply as - King.

on this continent, there are many other kingdoms run by several monarch families. the continent is plagued by great wars among kingdoms for such a long time that people have lost track of how long the wars have been going for. King himself remembers his Great Grandfather telling him stories of wars that were told to him as his own Great Grandfather himself was a child. the continent has been at war for so long that its people have forgotten what it was they were fighting for.

it is King's dream to unite all of them in order to create ONE great kingdom. King then joined the army at a young age. he proved himself to be a great soldier and was promoted up the ranks very quickly and became one of the youngest and greatest generals Gawdsland has ever had.

King was a celebrated hero in Gawdsland and was eventually appointed to ascend the throne when the previous ruler King himself served passed on. he made it his personal goal to conquer the whole continent as King before he dies. his dream was swallowed whole by all the people of Gawdsland, which was now a very strong kingdom because of all the wars that King himself has won.

but King was not alone in this endeavour. he had with him 2 men whom he held close to his heart.

one of them, named Ny'tad - who is King's childhood friend. Ny'tad was a good man, a humble man who was loyal to King and believed in King's dream of uniting the whole continent. Ny'tad was a fierce warrior and was well respected as a general as well. however, Ny'tad was nevertheless a simple man who would have led a happy life even if he was just a mere farmer. after all the years of fighting, Ny'tad was glad that the whole of the continent is now finally won - and he can now finally live a peaceful life in the dream of a united continent - made into one true Gawdsland.

the 2nd, named Rafael. he is much like King. a younger version. bold, courageous and headstrong - he too believed in King's dream and fought like a lion to make the dream a reality. he would follow King to his own death. his loyalty is boundless.

Jin is a young man. he has been a servant to Ny'tad for the past 10 years. he is actually an orphan - for in one of the battles that took place near a village, Jin's entire family was killed. he was merely a child of 10 years of age at the time. it was a battle in which Ny'tad won. as Ny'tad's army passed through the devastated village - he saw Jin - a 10 year old boy on his knees crying in front of the remains of his family and his ruined home. Ny'tad took Jin in. and although Jin was taken initially as a servant - Jin formed a bond with Ny'tad and Ny'tad's beloved wife, Karena (who could not bear children). Jin is loyal to his masters whom he regarded as his own parents. Jin grew up to be a serious young man. and although he regards both Ny'tad and Karena as his parents, being a part of a society that held 'status' to be an important norm - Jin drew a line in which he never crossed. his love for them was clear but he could not demonstrate shows of love as a normal child would to his or her parents for after all was said and done, Jin knew his place - as a servant.

upon conquering the final kingdom that stood against the mighty Gawdsland - King returned to the Capital with both Ny'tad and Rafael. the dream was now real. the deed has been done. however, new threats from neighbouring continents were beginning to rise. and King wanted to quash these threats as well before they became a bigger problem.

this led to his downfall for the other leaders of Gawdsland had grew weary of war. a faction was formed and they conspired to assasinate King. the faction managed to convince Ny'tad (whom they knew was war weary as well - and did not want to see Gawdsland go through more wars). the faction preyed on the fact that King would always go to war for there would always be threats. upon getting Ny'tad to join them, the faction could carry out the assasination plans for next to King, there was only one other man most of the people of Gawdsland would die for - and he was Ny'tad.

however, the faction underestimated the influence of Rafael - and how the people loved him too for he was a great warrior and leader - much like King himself. Rafael turned the people against Ny'tad and the faction.

and this is where the story of Jin begins...

"Jin! Come to me!" Karena sounded distraught. She had just received word that the angry mobs were now combing the streets looking for members of the Faction and were working their way up to Ny'tad himself. They were leaving him for the last.

Just moments before that Ny'tad told Karena that he needed to go see someone, 'a member of the Faction' I thought to myself.

"Yes my Lady?" I can see the fear Karena felt. But I realised the fear was not for her own life but it was for Ny'tad.

"I want you to seek Ny'tad! I know not who he went to see ... but I have just received word that the mobs are nearly upon us..." She paused and looked to me, her eyes welling up with tears, her face and skin pale - sick with worry, "...You must find Ny'tad and bring him back here. We must escape while we still have a chance..."

There was something about the way she spoke that made me think that she did not really believe that we could escape. But she was clinging on to the notion by a very, very thin piece of string and she was not about to let it go.

"I will be back shortly my Lady." Before I could turn to leave, Karena reached out for me and hugged me. This was the first time in a long time since she had done this. I could feel her body tremble. As she held me, not wanting to let me go - I had to pull myself away by uttering these words, "...My Lady, you are the mother I never had and Lord Ny'tad is my father. I will be back..." At that, she let me go and I ran out into the streets of Gawdsland looking for Ny'tad.

The mobs were working their way up the Faction killing by rank - from the lowest to the highest. I know not how long I was out on the streets but by the time I found Ny'tad - it was already midnight dark. He was at the docks with one of the remaining members of the Faction who had a ship. Clearly, he was trying to arrange for us to escape. However, it was difficult simply because they could not find a crew that would still serve any member of the Faction.

I walked into a room to find Ny'tad in mid-conversation with Lord Sretin, the owner of the ship Ny'tad intended to escape with. I saw Lord Sretin on his knee in front of Ny'tad.

"Yes it's true Sir. My servant has just returned from your home. He saw her himself", said Lord Sretin.

"...I...I cannot believe it...God...no..." and it was at that Ny'tad turned to me. And he rushed at me with his sword drawn, grabbed my shoulder and pushed me against the wall with the sword's edge dangerously close to my neck, "WHERE WERE YOU BOY?! WHY WERE YOU NOT BY KARENA'S SIDE?!!!" his voice quivering with anger. No...not just anger - but a sadness and unparalled pain.

"Si...Sir...I was sent to seek you out by Lady Karena. She arranged with her Uncle for horses and a carriage to take us away into hiding. She believed that it was the only way for us to escape." As I finished, Ny'tad lowered his sword and he released his grip on me. He closed his eyes and looked to me again ...

"Come boy. You have found me. Let us go home..."

"But my Lord, ..." I tried to stop myself but couldn't - knowing full well what the answer was to the question in my mind, I asked anyway, "...Is she dead?" Ny'tad did not answer me as he walked out of the room and I immediately followed suit.

We took an alternative route to avoid the angry mobs that were making their way to our home. From what I could gather, Karena was so sick with worry - and heard rumours that Ny'tad was already murdered by the angry mobs. Overcome with anguish, she swallowed poison in the absence of all attendants who had fled - in fear of the impending mobs.

Ny'tad assured me that it was not my fault - knowing that I would never have left her side had he himself been there. Ny'tad blamed himself.

And I listened to him but blamed myself as well. I should have known that Ny'tad would be at the docks. I should have found him earlier. I should have checked on Karena to let her know not to believe the rumours.

I blamed myself for her death. I should have been there. I lost the only mother I've known - for the second time.

Upon arriving at our doorstep. We walked into the master bedroom where we found Lady Karena sprawled, motionless on the bed. The bottle of poison which was now empty, there by her side. Ny'tad moved to hold her close and cried silent tears. I wanted to hold her too but I stopped myself - knowing my place. However, inside was a pain so sharp I could barely bring myself to breathe. There in the room we remained for a very long time. Me, standing by the door and Lord Ny'tad holding his beloved Karena on the bed - stuck in a moment.

The moment was broken when we could hear the chants of the angry mob getting closer. If there was a time to escape. This was it.

Lord Ny'tad looked to me, "It is time. Jin - escape. Go. You have served myself and Lady Karena well. We have lived out our lives and it is time for our fires to burn out. You are young and your fire is still strong. You are no longer my servant. You are a free man. Go."

I knew for a fact that there was no way he was going to allow himself to be taken by the angry mobs. He was far too proud for that. He knew that if the mobs caught hold of him and Karena, they would hack their bodies up and leave them for the vultures to devour. I knew he was not going to let that happen. I knew what he was about to do.

I was going to lose both my Mother in Lady Karena and my Father in Lord Ny'tad - in a single night.

And all I could say was, "Yes my Lord." And I ran out. As I made my way into the forest behind my home for the last 10 years of my life, I turned to find a fierce fire consuming it. The source of the fire was from the master bedroom where it burnt strongest as the fire made its way to the rest of the house. I saw the angry mobs just standing outside the burning gates chanting Rafael's name - to be their new ruler.

I uttered my final prayer for Lord Ny'tad and Lady Karena. And then I turned away and walked on - alone with absolutely nobody left to call family nor any place I can call my home.

X

and that's it. hope you liked it. i enjoyed writing it.

take care.

signing off, the commonjack.

food for thought...

ok...so what you'll read below is probably rather cheesy...but i like it.



this 1st one is taken from the movie Second Hand Lions. this is a conversation between the character Walter (played by Haley Joel Osment - far left of pic above) and his Great Uncle Hub (played by Robert Duvall - far right in pic above). and for those of you who give a damn, Michael Caine is Walter's other Great Uncle Garth (in the middle).

X

Great Unlce Hub: If you want to believe in something,then believe in it. Just because something isn't true,that's no reason you can't believe it.

Walter: Alright.

Great Uncle Hub: There's a long speech I give to young men, sounds like you need to hear a piece of it. Just a piece.
Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most.
That people are basically good; that honour... courage and virtue mean everything; that power and money mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love... true love never dies.
You remember that, boy. You remember that.
Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because... those are the things worth believing in.
Got that?

Walter: That was a good speech.

X

if you want to read more of the Second Hand Lions Script ... (click here).

X

Riddick (played by Vin Diesel in pic above)

Imam (played by Keith David in pic above)

2nd thought is from the movie Pitch Black. (click on movie title for a relatively cool website on the movie.)

the thought that is addressed is - Riddick is supposed to be this bad ass mofo who kills without hesitation - cold blooded - mean as hell - grew up in touch neighbourhoods - had a hard life being a baddie...etc...one would think he wouldn't be the kind of person to believe in God innit? but check out this exchange between Riddick and Imam.

Riddick: What are you doing?

Imam: Blessing you like the others. It's painless.

Riddick: And pointless.

Imam: (beat) I see. Well, even if you don't believe in God. That doesn't mean HE won't be ...

Riddick: You don't see. 'Cause you don't spend half your life in lock-down with a horse bit in your mouth and not believe. And you surely don't start out in a liquor store trash bin with an umbilical cord wrapped around your neck and not believe. Oh absolutely, I believe in God. And I absolutely hate the f**ker.

Imam: HE will be with us nonetheless.

Riddick: Give my blessing to the girl...she'll need the spare.

X

i would say that a guy who's been through shit like a character such as Riddick went through and still believes - shows that he truly believes. now that there's faith. some would say that he should then be thankful and that saying something like, '...absolutely hate...' is well, for the lack of a better word, inappropriate. but then again, think about it, he didn't say he wasn't thankful.

forget about Riddick. think about a person who has had life hard. i mean really, really hard. and he still believes. the fact that he is still alive (and hopefully well) and still believes despite going through 'hell on earth' for most of his life shows that he is in actual fact, thankful. his thanks is shown through conduct - ie the fact that he still believes.

that there is what i call, "real".

oh well, that's it for now.

signing off, the commonjack.

Japanese Story.

i just watched this movie today. miss parts here and there but caught most of it. and even though i missed bits and pieces, i still found the movie ultimately captivating. this is 'lost in translation-esque', and is therefore utterly unconventional. this of course, for me, makes it damn cool already.

this quote (below) is a very good description of the movie. (click on it to read the review.)

"It's a poignant, unsettling motion picture that will baffle those who have become used to Hollywood's compact, tidy endings."

it's a 2003 movie, and i've only just watched it. so i'm a little late on the bandwagon. but hey, better late than never. to find out other miscellaneous info (like trailers and actors and such) - click here.

X

the movie is basically about an Aussie gal played by the magnificent Toni Collette falling in love with a Japanese dude (played by Gotaro Tsunashima) who seems a little stereotyped in the sense that he is described as 'only being used to docile women' & 'imperialistic' with the Australian Pilbara Desert as the background setting. sounds like an excellent romantic little hollywood outing right? however, as described above, it far from the conventional hollywood treatment type of movie. in a nutshell, i'd say, "It's quite deep lah." lol

2 trains of thought basically stuck on me after watching the movie, besides the fact that i think it's a bloody good movie...

1. Promote and show M'sia to the world! : movies are an excellent way to introduce something to the world at large. remember the hype that people were going on about when Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones came to M'sia all those years ago for the movie Entrapment?

in the context of the the movie, Japanese Story, i googled Pilbara Desert and the movie came out instantly. i knew the Australian deserts can be quite harsh and beautiful but to be absolutely honest (because i'm shite with Geography) - i didn't know of Pilbara Desert per se...but after watching this movie, now i do.

if we were to use this formula in Japanese Story, lets get some international star who is not *that famous yet - so that he/she wouldn't cost a bomb to hire and have that star act alongside a true blue local actor. the reason i say 'true blue' is that this person playing the local has to be identifiable with the general demographic of what is M'sia. that being said, the dude doesn't have to be a Malay - he could be Chinese or Indian. in fact, it shouldn't matter. he could even be a mixture of anything - as long as he's lived in M'sia for most of his life. as long as he loves going to the 'mamak', familiar with what it's like in Petaling Street (our very own Chinatown), semi familiar(at the very least) with all the cultures of all the races in M'sia besides his own, appreciates M'sian forests, our food!... etc.

i'd hate to see some actor or actress who's lived most of their lives overseas who speaks with an 'ang moh' accent try and play a 'true blue' local. it just wouldn't work as well.

if the movie is good - hopefully, that means no Hollywood type treatment, it'd be excellent publicity for the country.

oh well, it's a thought...

2. crying / pain : as we grow up, i believe we grow a healthy respect (or fear) for pain. i'm referring to the emotional distress type of pain, not the pain you get from a 'cut' or a 'bruise'. i'm talking about those emotional scars you never really totally shake off.

i'm talking about that pain you feel when it hurts to even cry. when you bawl your eyes out and you're sobbing inconsolably and your mouth is open (but no sound comes out) because you're crying so hard, you can't even breathe. it's those tears that you can't stop and you're sniffing your damn nose off and you struggle to breathe but the tears won't stop and your body convulses even when you try to stop yourself from crying.

the first time this type of pain hits you - you grow to fear it. you begin to protect yourself by not allowing yourself to open up so easily for this kind of hurt to come in again. you build walls. you become more afraid. no longer the wide eyed child who feared little - life becomes a rather dangerous entity to be approached timorously rather than with intense anticipation and excitement. you grow up.

the pain Toni Collette's character felt in this movie reminded me of this pain. it reminded me that the experience that caused the pain caused that much *pain to begin with because it was worth something. an experience that causes that kinda pain is an experience that *meant something, it was real and it would last a lifetime.

would you rather have something that probably wouldn't hurt you at all but you would probably forget about, the week after it ended?

that would just be a waste of time innit? oh well. i guess i'm just a sucker for punishment. *grin.

signing off, the commonjack.

Revised TOP 5.

my top 5 list is finally revised. it's been years since i last edited my top 5...however, recently i have seen one whom without a shadow of a doubt has to be put into my list. regretably, that means one has to go. we shall observe a moment of silence for the exit of one who has occupied a spot on my top 5 list for a very, very long time.

(for a peek at my previous top 5 list...go to entry entitled 'eye candy'.)

alrights...here you go... commonjack's new top 5...*drum roll...

1. her place in number 1 has not been compromised by the recent revision of the list. here she stays unshake'd and constant...Miss Sarah Tan.



2. her place in number 2 also has not been compromised but in fact further strengthened when i watched 'Alfie' recently...Miss Marisa Tomei. i'll always have her in mind from the movie "Only You".



3. there has been a slight change with this number. Miss Angelina Jolie has now moved up from number 4 to number 3...no particular reason. i just feel like it. *grin (p/s: i love this picture of her.)



4. her position from number 3 has been taken but she is far from being dropped out of the list...Miss Scarlett Johansson.



now, as you can see...the 4 ladies above were also from my long-standing previous list...thus, if you have viewed or remember who number 5 was...well - you guessed it then...Miss Jeniffer Aniston. she is one who was on my very 1st list and has braved many a newcomer...when Miss Jolie came in after i watched her in 'Girl Interrupted' ... there was even a stiff battle with Miss Tea Leoni at one point. alas, she has finally lost and as such...a moment of silence pls... (pause).

alrightey then...for those of you who give a shit... *grin... here she is...new number 5...the newest and latest addition to Commonjack's top 5...i wonder whether she'll stay on for as long as Miss Aniston has...only time will tell...if you please...a warm welcome for...

5. Miss Sienna 'Rose' Miller! watched her in the movie 'Alfie' - not only is she great on the eyes...but she can act too. that one scene where she bares it all ... asking for another chance ... promising to change ... i fell in love. *sighs wistfully.



thats it. i'm out.

signing off...the commonjack.

constancy.

there are many things that are constant in this world. both scientifically & spiritually. it is an odd & unfortunate fact that we often do not appreciate these things that are constant. however, even if you do learn to appreciate the constant things - methinks you might not yet achieve true happiness.

actually, i think a person would be most happy if he/she is able to truly appreciate the inconsistent nature of things as well.

friends, family, & even loved ones are inherently inconsistent. as they say, 'death' is the one thing that is truly constant. we will all 'die' at some point. it is a check & balance mechanism that allows us to appreciate the advent of 'life'.

therefore, if you learn to embrace the inconsistency - which is an unalienable element of everything, you may be able to convert that element of inconsistency into one of constancy. allow me to explain ...

learn how to be in the 'here & now'. truly know what you have and then allow yourself to 'let it go' so that you remember what it was you had; not because its gone or that it left you - but because you actually truly had it at one point in your life.

that way - you'll always have it within you. that way, it becomes constant.

X

so how's that for a theory eh?

signing off - the commonjack.

for a friend.

dear 'all who read this blog',

if you remember a past entry titled, 'the good stuff' - i posted up something a friend (Poesy) wrote about me on Friendster.

well, i won't waste anymore of your time - just read what's below - and ... i don't know what to say...

X

Hi, I am Poesy. What I have to say might be news to some of you, but I shall try to make it short.

I am due for a CyberKnife surgery asap to remove/zap tumours left in my spinal cord during my last spinal surgery. These growths has persisted over the last 13 years and I have had to deal with paralysis and/or disabilities countless times. Over the years, my neurosurgeons have performed 2 major removals of these spinal tumours. I have fought hard to walk again every time. Due to having had those intrusive spinal surgeries, I am not to open up my spine again. In layman's terms, it is a big mess inside - with the old scar tissues, new scar tissues, damaged nerves, affected blood vessels and scattered residues of tumours - everything fused together. It is now practically impossible to do much with physical surgery, but the tumours will continue to affect me as they grow. These medical ordeals have left me with some permanent disabilities, albeit that I work hard at them to go as unnoticeable as possible. I am clearly lucky to even be walking again, and am determined to continue doing so.

After extensive research and obtaining different opinions from the most capable neurosurgeons around, I have been advised to seek a stereotactic radiosurgery called CyberKnife before I lose further functions of my legs. CyberKnife is a medical technology invented in Stanford 9 years ago and is the only one which is currently fit to operate on the spine. During my recent visit to Stanford University, it was decided that I am to undergo treatment within the period of Dec 05/Jan 06. This procedure will eliminate and disable reproduction of tumour cells, but it is not without risks.

I am writing this e-mail as an appeal for help. The surgery is going to cost USD$85,000. My insurance agency are not keen to speak to me at all. I am a little stuck at this point but am not willing to give up hope. Hence I am reaching out to friends for any form of contribution - be it help on raising this amount in such a short time or a personal/institutional donation. Every penny counts at this point to make up the amount!

I will be grateful for any kind of response. Thank you for your time. For further information on my condition, please feel free to contact me with the contact details listed below.

X

erm, i didn't feel right about posting up her contact details. so ... if you have any queries - leave a comment and we'll see what we can do eh?

signing off, the commonjack.

Julius Caesar.

for those of you who are in the country -

... lend me your ears ... (or rather - lend me your eyes?)

my attempts at breaking into the local theater scene is finally bearing some fruit. i've been casted in Julius Caesar (click to find out showtimes). if you're wondering who i'm playing, well - i'm not the Caesar himself ... but i've got a nice little role. :)

if you are free on any one of the said dates and more importantly, if you're interested, go on then - buy a ticket and come watch me - at the same time you'd be supporting the m'sian arts scene! *Grin.

take care y'all.

signing off - the commonjack.

good people?

i heard someone say, "There's no such thing as bad people. Just good people who do bad things."

the rationale behind the statement is that we all have a conscience. whether we choose to acknowledge it or not is of course another issue. but we all instinctively *know when we do something wrong. there's this faint alarm (for some it's louder) that goes off in the back of your head...sometimes it sends down a tingling sensation down your spine that some people mistakenly interpret as a 'adrenalin rush'. regardless, it's easy to ignore this alarm simply because most people do. the herd mentality affects most of us i guess.

however, that being said, i must admit that i myself sometimes react in the wrong ie 'bad' way 1st too. sometimes the bad thing is the 1st thing that comes out. and it takes a split second later for the good thing to see the light. the way i look at it, at least it comes out.

here's a little exerp from a book i'm currently writing which should illustrate what i mean by the last paragraph above:-

a little background before you read what is to follow ... Lucid is my main character of the story DREAM REALM in which i basically create this fictional world simply called the 'Dream Realm'. this world's source of energy are 'our' dreams from the mortal realm. as such, there's a body created specifically to watch over our dreams as there are 'evil' forces at work - supernatural beings who want to destroy the Dream Realm by destroying 'our' dreams and as such destroy us as well. so, Lucid is from the mortal realm who crossed over.

this is an exerp where Lucid is basically just keeping tabs of the girl he loved (Sarah) whom he had to leave in the mortal realm when he was forced to flee into the Dream Realm.

the story is not finished yet, so if you'd like to know more about this story...let me know. *Grins.

anyway, here it is, the exerp:

(parts of the exerp highlighted in RED are just interesting thoughts worth thinking about even if for just a moment and the part highlighted in BOLD RED is the part of the exerp that is directly related to the present blog entry.)

Lucid’s office …

Sarah’s file popped up, “Video playback or Report?” said the computer.

“Video playback please.” And Sarah’s dream from last night started. She was visiting me again. Well, my grave that is. And as always, it was raining. It always rained when she came to see me. She would be standing by my grave, dressed in black mourning clothes holding a black umbrella and she would proceed to tell me about what she’s doing at present. This would always be my favourite part.

X

“Hey Tiger, …” that’s my nickname, “…guess what? I’ve finally got my 1st novel published. Yup, it’s finally happened.” She stops and smiles, closing her eyes as she did so – I loved it when she did that because I could almost literally see the memory she was recalling in her head etched in her smile and glowing from her face. “I told you I’d get a book out before I was 40. I’m only 36 now and that means I’m right on schedule to get my first international best seller by 45.” She laughs again. I miss her laugh.

Suddenly, the expression on her face changes and her smile faded with a soft subtlety, “Tiger, there’s something I feel I should tell you. I’ve been keeping it from you for a long time now and I used to think it was unnecessary to let you know. But I feel things have changed now and well … you should know.”

The rain started to pour even harder and I suddenly saw myself standing right next to her. Sarah must have something really important to tell me. I only appear in her dreams when there’s something big like when her mother passed away or when she quit her law firm to concentrate on writing. She already just told me that her 1st book has been published – what else could be bigger?

Seeing myself in her dreams was always a treat. You see, when you see yourself in someone else’s dream – it feels really weird because there you are but not really. Since the last time I saw her was when I was 21, that was how I appeared to her. As fucked up as I was at that age, I would only appear to her with an aura of peace and serenity. I appear as how she perceived me to be and it’s always nice to see myself through her eyes because she saw the best in me and she brought out the best in me.

Everything that was ‘wrong’ with me was ‘right’ to her and when someone embraces your flaws with as much ease as they would your good qualities – you become ‘perfect’ in their eyes and mind. And that was how I appeared to her in her dreams – ‘perfect’.

“I’m engaged.” The words stung me right through and through. Sitting in my office, my whole surroundings faded away and I felt like I could not even breathe. “It’s that guy I talk to you about every now and again – Gary. Remember him?” she stopped to look at me (myself in her dream that is) and I just stood there looking lost and confused.

“I’m sorry Tiger, I don’t want to hurt you but Gary proposed to me and I said yes. He’s been good to me Tiger and I know that he loves me. I can see it in his eyes. And I guess I love him too. Not like I love you – it’s different but I do care for him.” She stops a moment to see how I would react, “…Come on Tiger, you have to say something.” She was going to cry.

I watched myself in her dream and saw myself walk over to her and hugged her almost without any hesitation. And I saw myself say, “Don’t cry. All I wish for you is for you to be happy. Don’t worry about me. I will always love you. And I will never forgive myself if you denied yourself happiness because of me. Live your life. Love and be loved. I will always be with you. And you will always be with me.” And I saw us both just stand there in the rain – holding each other.

She definitely saw the best in me. I would never react that way initially if it were really me standing there hearing that sort of news. The right thing to do in my case was always the 2nd thing I’d do rather than the 1st – if I did the right thing at all. And then she turned away and walked off as I let her go. I then saw myself fall to the ground on my knees and I watched myself trying very hard not to cry as tears formed and started rolling down my cheeks. Now that’s me.

Sarah really knew me, at my best. She knew that I would do the right thing and tell her to be happy. And she also knew that I would hurt. But she knew for a fact that I would never let her see me hurt. I’d wait till she would go.

That was me. On my knees, in the rain by my own grave – hurting.

that's it.

take care y'all.

signing off, commonjack.

'good person'

i am not a good person.



this is a train of thought that's been pulling at my insides lately. and i decided to blog it. i lay no claim to being a good person. i used to think that i was at some point of my life but now i dare not lay claim to such a label. i am no different from the next guy. i do not 'know' any better.

i just try my best to do the 'right' thing. that doesn't necessarily mean that it shows though. me saying that, "i try my best to do the right thing", are merely words. and to some people, who have been witness to my attempts may attest to the validity of such words. however, it may be fair to say that those who have been privy to such attempts are truly in their minority.

thus far, i've had my share of mistakes. i've wronged my fair share of people. i have also wronged myself. some of these negatives i greatly regret. others, i feel - are matters of inevitable consequence. i truly feel that some of the 'wrongs' i've committed were wholly unavoidable. some of those 'wrongs' HAD to happen. call it fate - call it any bloody thing you want. to me, it's because at that given time the 'wrong' was committed, given my personal circumstance as well as the other person plus the conditions surrounding the 'wrong' - there was no other way to go BUT the 'wrong' way.

they say 'you always have a choice' and i'd agree, but the choice available to me at the time of the 'wrongs' were not to fix the situation but only to delay the inevitable or to just let the inevitable happen. and since i am a person who would prefer to have things 'cut and dry' - if at all possible - i opted to just let the inevitable happen.

i have failed in my efforts to garner the only mantle of 'greatness' i thought was available to me; ie to be a 'good person'. i always figured, in my journey to attain such a status, in life i would probably 'NOT' be many things ... but at least no one can say that i was NOT a good person. at least, after all was said and done, i would always have that with me.

alas, i suppose that is not to be. for i am NOT a good person.

but i just try my very best to do the 'right' thing. i still do. and will always try - especially with matters and people that matter. i do *try. does that make me a 'good person'? i don't know.

oh well.

the case of a glorious night.

last night, my acting class with Joe Hasham was officially concluded. you may remember me mentioning my involvement with this class in 'the acting saga continues'.

anyway, last night was the culmination of the class - we (myself and my fellow 'actors') basically put on a 'presentation'. it wasn't a play. it wasn't a show. it was a 'presentation'.

what we presented was what we have been working on throughout the course of 10 weeks (slightly more actually - but it generally comes up to 10 classes lah).

here is the program for the night.

8 - 8.30 pm: Arrival of guests made up of friends and family.

8.30 - 9.15 pm: The Presentation:- which was made up of ...

1stly, 'Dear Bosie'. this is our interpretation of a 30,000 word letter that the famous Oscar Wilde to his lover, Alfred Douglas whose nickname was, 'Bosie'. of course, the letter we used was an abbreviated version of the original. it's quite difficult to explain what we did, but what we basically tried to do was to convey the letter to the audience with musical accompaniment (i played the guitar - Sheryl Crow's 'Strong Enough' was the music i chose to play) and *appearances (more on this later) so that the audience can 'feel' how Oscar must have felt when he wrote the letter. Or at least, our interpretation of how he might have felt from the extracts of the letter which we presented.

for more info on this whole Oscar Wilde and Bosie ... you may go to http://drake.marin.k12.ca.us/stuwork/comacad/poets/WILDE/bio.html OR this one for more a more detailed explanation: http://members.tripod.com/Barry_Stone/wilde.htm.

so through the Dear Bosie presentation, our aim as a group was to convey the emotions of Sadness, Anger, Disappointment, Love and Closure. once again, this was done via reading the letter aloud with music and appearances.

2ndly, we then performed our very own personal monologues. there are 13 of us and each of us basically related a personal story which has impacted our lives. here, as an audience, you would have been privy to moments of pure and unadulterated truth. some very private and revealing stuff were talked about and shared. through this exercise, we (as students) learned how to express ourselves or more importantly, learned not to be afraid of expressing ourselves.

3rdly, we each did *appearances. this is an exercise where a person would walk out to center stage and using only the body ... from facial expression to posing ... that person would want to convey an emotion.

each of us had the difficult task of conveying 4 emotions ie LOVE, ANGER, SORROW and LUST. this is a difficult exercise, even for seasoned theater performers simply because it's a full and complete exposure of one's self to a bunch of people. and you'd be amazed at what you can discover about someone when that person attempts to 'appear' in front of you as LOVE, ANGER, SORROW and especially LUST. you'd be able to see if someone is insecure about his or herself with any one of those emotions.

4thly, we presented some smaller group skits. there are basically 2 scripts with the same words and we were split into 5 groups. and these scripts, if read directly on paper, in which you are not given any type of context in which there words are supposed to be used - literally mean NOTHING. it was up to us as actors to use our creativity to invent scenarios and give meaning to the words. and i suppose the shock factor here was how different each group interpreted the same words and how absolutely different each scenario was.

and that was it. all in all, i would say it was a good presentation. nothing flashy. just honest, down to earth and cosy. no hamming it up for the crowd. it was more about us than trying to cater to the masses and that was the 'cool' factor about it.

oh well, on a more personal note - the only downer for me was that i really didn't have someone to share the glorious night with. it shouldn't be like that. it should be about self satisfaction and all that jazz right? yeah, but i guess i'm not that self sufficient. i guess for me to feel truly satisfied with something, i need to be able to share my success with someone. and i'm not just talking about a lover...friends to share in with would be ultra cool too, family...you know somebody...

so that when i come home after a glorious night and after i take my shower and get ready to go to bed, i won't wake up the next morning feeling as if 'nothing happened'.

oh well, it was a good night.

MY LOMO PICS!

dear ladies and gents,

visit commonjackslomo.blogspot.com for my very own collection of lomo pics.

in the future, you may click on MY LOMO PICS! under my links.

hope it keeps you reasonably entertained.

signing off - the commonjack.

Mortality.

according to dictionary.com - mortality is "the quality or condition of being mortal".

i come from a family in which i am 13 years and 10 years younger than my 2 other elder siblings. unlike most of my friends, my parents are not merely in their 50's - but are now well on their way into mid 60's. its scares me a little to think that when i arrive at my 30's like my brothers, i will not have the benefit of my parents being as 'keen' and 'alert' as they are now.

when i arrive at my 30's - which would be a solid 10 years from now - my parents would be in their 70's.

i'm not too sure but isn't the average life expectancy up to about 70-ish?

my brothers - in their 30's currently have only just begun their journey into the next phase of life...my eldest brother has started his own family. with one wife, one kid and another one on the way. methinks my 2nd brother has also begun to leave his 'playboy' days and is now properly looking. both of them already having a rather steady career path to trod along on - having their own homes...etc...

it's a little disconcerting to imagine myself being at that stage of my life later on - but without my parents around.

X

on a separate train of thought...

these days, i can see changes in the older generation of my family. people like my 'Ah Pak' ie my eldest uncle - my father's brother. there has been so much change in him. he used to be the guy in charge. he was the guy who would organise and get things going. from our 'cheng beng - where we go visit our ancestors graves and clean them and pay respect to their memory' to little dinners throughout the year. in a span of a mere 3 years, he now can barely stay awake if he is seated for too long. he can barely even walk up a small little hill at times without losing his balance.

another uncle of mine, on my father's side as well - 'Sei Pak' which basically means 4th uncle. he is a self made man. he started his own business and made his millions. always ready with something intelligent to say and would shoot down the brightest of scholars in a heartbeat because of his years of experience. age has slowed him down a lot. especially when it resulted in a fall which led to an operation to deal with a blood clot in his brain. after the operation - he is now almost like a child. it is quite sad.

basically - i can see a similar trait in all the men of my family regardless of generation. we are all very headstrong and strongwilled which can come across as just mere stubborness. we have a lot of pride in ourselves which allows us to carry ourselves with class and dignity which can also come across as stubborness.

one trait i find utterly similar in my father and his two brothers is the fact that they all have their pride and firmly believe that to be a leader of their own families, they have to be hard men. in the case of my uncles, i perceive them to be rather too hard on their children which to me - only makes it look as if they have very little faith in their own children.

that is the only difference between my father and his 2 brothers, he affords us more faith.

now that the tables are turned on my uncles ie the fact that they are no longer able to be in 'control' and order their children around - their children have taken over and seem to be 'ordering' him around instead. and its pitiful to see that because - my uncles don't seem to be treated with 'fatherly respect' right now.

i hope when the tables are turned on my own dad, my brothers and i will not do the same. hopefully, we will treat him with the 'fatherly respect' he deserves ... if only because unlike my 2 other uncles, he afforded in us more faith.

*sigh...

for those of you who don't already know and for those of you who actually wanna know,

i've received my results.

after all the shit i've had to go through to get them ie:

1. having to go down to college in KL - stressed as hell. as per the entry 'giler stress'.

2. then playing the waiting game for a phone call fr college. waited fr tues till fri - and i called them again as per 'update on results' - just to be told to wait till monday.

3. monday came - and i had to call London up to be greeted by nobody - which then resulted in me emailing them. only to be told to get in touch with the Examinations Syndicate in M'sia as per 'the results fiasco continues'.

4. when i went to their building - as per 'the results fiasco continues' - i am told that they've moved from Jalan Duta to Putrajaya(bloody on the other end of the world). so i call up their new number only to be told that they've sent my results to me via post.

so, technically, i went from KL to London to the Examinations Syndicate in Jalan Duta and then to the Examinations Syndicate in Putrajaya only to get my results sent to my very own house. i got it last friday, 9th Sept. and i only read it at 4 am on saturday, the 10th - cause i was out all day and most of the night.

and i guess - you'd be wondering how i did...

well - i passed. by the skin of my teeth. but who gives a shit? one more year. lets hope i can get my act together this time and do well.

till then.

later.

this is for the boys.

boys - we're all f**ked up in some way or another. we all know it. but the cool thing is - we don't really give a shit about that. we're all very different and it's becoming even more apparent these days than ever before. our personalities seem to clash and if you put our characteristics down on paper - it's a wonder we've all been friends for this long.

but as much as we clash - we blend well.

we never cared when other 'normal' people thought us useless or 'weird' or whatever negatives then can be thought up ... life was OK.

from the days when it was just a small group of us in Alisan, before we could drive, before we had work, before leaving school ... to the days when the small group became a bigger group at Zahir when all of us could drive and some of us had to work and all of us had left school ... and now.

this is a small tribute to all of you - people who i knew as boys and now are all becoming men. may life return to you guys all the 'companionship', 'ties' and 'connection' that all of you gave to me.















thanks boys. you know who you are.

ciao.
p/s: i just put up random photos lah. sorry guys - don't really have that many photos of all of us in my comp. i ain't the one with the digital camera. no favouritism going on here. heh.

this can't be it.

i'm pissed off all the time. just the other day my friend spongy said, "you ever get to a point in your life where you feel things are so good, you feel like testing it? like tryin' to phuck up on purpose and see whether things still turn out good??"

well - he didn't say that exactly lah, but thats the gist of it.

and the reply that i came up with was rather disturbing - although i just laughed it off at the time.

i said, "no. i've never been at such a point before. most of the time - for me - things are so bad that i think it can't get any worse. so, to test whether it could get any worse - i try and f**k up some more just to see if it does get any worse."

well, i don't have anything to say anymore.

funny how that works.

i'm just pissed off. who isn't?



enough of this shit. later.

the results fiasco continues.

monday came. no results. i decided to get in touch with someone in London. tried calling. nobody picked up. so i sent an email. i received the reply in the afternoon. i was told to get in touch with the M'sian Examinations Syndicate. i called up my college and they gave me a number.

tried calling and couldn't get through. so, today i drove to the Examinations Syndicate building over at Jalan Duta. turns out, they've moved to Putrajaya! i wasn't about to take a 45 minute drive there and take another 45 mins back! so i asked for a number to call and called.

took me about 15 mins to explain to the clueless person on the other side of the line what it is i wanted - only to be told that they had received the results from London but have only just posted them to the relevant recepients (such as moi) yesterday!

"do you all have a copy of the results?" i ask.

"no." they answer.

"so how?" i ask.

"wait lah." they say.

f**king hell.

the good stuff.

when times get tough - a wise man said, "try and remember the good stuff..."


so here i am trying to remember the good stuff. and i came across my own friendster account. but before i there - allow me a little trip off tangent for a moment...

the art of writing a testimonial for another person.

according to dictionary.com - testimonial means:
A written affirmation of another's character or worth; a personal recommendation.

its quite a meaningful thing. its a PERSONAL recommendation. an AFFIRMATION of another's character or worth ... geez - i don't know about you, but i think it's quite a big deal. what i personally feel about another person's worth - the testimonials i write for others are well thought up and are not written or given for the mere sake of doing a testimonial. if i do one, i'd wanna try my utmost to make it worth something.

and yet you get a lot of people out there writing stuff like - "...he's nice, she's sweet, yada yada...". i guess it's just me making a mountain out of a molehill but i think those sort of adjectives make me go, "oh really? well, thanks."

when i write a testimonial, i want to try and make the recepient of it go, "WOW. i never knew he thought of me that way..." and hopefully give the person a little smile.

at that - i digress. back to "the good stuff".

reading some of the good stuff friends wrote about me are really cool. most of them put a little smile on my face. but the best was one that came from an unlikely source. someone whom i didn't think knew me that well and yet she saw parts of me i never really noticed myself. (LOL - i just realised this last sentence sounds a little dodgy...but nevermind...)

reading what she wrote about me always puts a smile on my face...so here it is for you guys to have a little read.

*Commonjack is my ever-ready most dependable guy in law school - although I started off thinking that he was a flake for flaking off our attempts of study-meets so many times. Little did he suspect, I was actually quite happy to flake off myself too, but will never allow myself the indulgence unless someone else flaked off the meeting.. ooh, what a blah..

anyway, *Commonjack and his occasional 'out of the blue', 'no reason at all', 'though it seems like a very good reason to join him' chuckles, halfway through class, makes me want to sit next to him every single time.

Plus he is always following what is going on in class if I ever get lost. And he doesn't gossip or complain or blab incessantly like most people his age, *Commonjack was my appointed shepherd for my law studies.. but alas I was the lost sheep without the brains to find my way. It shows that I am the bigger flake..

For all his wonderfully mad stories, which he installed at my website .http://poesyliang.net has no doubt entertained lots of idiots out there, me included. Fellow idiots, do click here to read Shawn John Michael here .http://www.poesyliang.net/Article_view.asp?CatID=18. for hours of wonderfully idiotic pleasure. You will find yourself achieving that 'idiotic no reason at all' chuckle that Michael has perfected. The danger is it WILL be infectious. Oh well, perhaps the world needs more chuckling idiots than angry 20-somethings...

All in all, *Commonjack, thanks for standing out during the first day of the Criminal Law lectures or I wouldn't have spotted you like the bossy bitch vulture I am.
Little did I know that you are an aspiring stage performer. Thank god you don't have that naturally vain personality or I would have to delete you from my Friendster. Keep up the great job in being the earnestly good boy you try to be.
Good luck for your exams. Pass me all your notes and sell me all your books after that please? Haha..

that was testimonial number 1. then she wrote me a second one! (after i wrote her a pretty good one myself! heh)

Thanks for writing one of the best testimonials for me. It was thought provoking.

*Commonjack is generously helpful too. He got my registration forms and sent it all the way to my house with a crazy companion one night. If he didn't do that, I would probably be a law school drop-out (although there is no saying that I wouldn't be, just that with his help I won't drop out this year).

GURLSSSSS. This is the man! The epitome of a sensitive gay man in a heterosexual being. Goodlooking (a bit hitam manis), gentleman, potentially dresses well (he doesn't seem to care), smart, very sensitive, earnest to goodness.

Don't you ever turn gay or I won't have an example of good guys out there who likes women. And don't ever be a two-timing bastards like so many guys out there who has it all. Anyway, hang in there bloke with your studies.

Don't tear your hair out cos I think you look better with hair!

yep. that's it. poesy, if you ever read this - thank you.

aih - f**kin' exam results...i still don't have 'em!

update on results.

for those of you who actually wanna know lah...

some massive cock-up going on... long story short - they are sending my results to me via email.

"when?" i ask.

"if not this week then by next Monday" they say.

"oh" i say.

and that's it. what to do? bum around some more lah!

f**k - i'm not even sure whether i'm worried anymore. i don't know what to feel about it.



it's like i'm waiting for the 'knife' to fall ... but i don't even know whether i should be afraid of it anymore...

later.

giler stress. (f**king results)

ok - here's what happened. this entry is directly connected to the previous entry entitled 'humour me'. this entry would be about my results.

basically, on the Aug 29th - i received a text letting me know that the much dreaded results of my bloody exam were being released. but i was working and i couldn't go get them. so i figured i go get it early the next day and beat the masses lah.

couldn't sleep the whole night - worried like a sick little idiot, wondering what would happen if this or that or this or that happened...

however, i did fall asleep eventually. and as such - woke up later than i wanted to. so i ended up at college at around 12 ish pm instead of in the morning. then i was told that my results were with the vice principal. so i had to go and see him. went into his office and had to wait around for about 10 minutes before he could speak to me because he was busy speaking to other people on the phone.

after which - he asked me for my candidate number - which i of course forgot. he tried looking for my name but couldn't find it. so i was instructed to go home and look for it and call him back.

geez - as if it didn't take so much out of me just to bloody drive to college by myself to get my results in the 1st place. now i was being forced to wait even longer. so i reach home. got my number and called the college up again.

just to be told that they couldn't find my results again, "...oh i'm sorry. it looks like you're one of those students whose results have been misplaced. give me your name and number, i will calling the Uni of London up to source out your results. and we'll be in touch with you within the next few days."

within the next few days!?? what the hell does that mean! geez. so, yeah. thats what happened.



f**ks.

La Vita e Bella.

taking a cue from my dear friend habitualdamnation - i have decided to do a little review - simply because i don't feel like blogging anything too personal at the moment. i'm in a fragile state right now - i just might reveal more than i'd like. see ... i'm doing it right now!

i digress.



as i was saying, this is an entry about La Vita e Bella which is italian for Life is Beautiful. (click to read a proper full on review. what you will read here is merely my own opinion which is obviously rather biased.) The movie is the product of Italian comic sensation Roberto Benigni, who wore three hats for Life is Beautiful: director, co-writer, and star.

this movie holds some sentimental value for me in fact. for i bagged my 1st ever girlfriend watching this movie at TGV 1U at the tender age of 16. it is rather unfortunate that the ensuing relationship was far less memorable if compared to the movie. haha.

at any rate, i believe that this movie is excellent. you could split this movie down in half because there are 2 very separate tones to the movie.

the 1st half would be about Roberto's character, Guido travelling to the city. i myself grew fond of his character for his 'life' and energy. believing he could do anything simply because he wanted to. life was - in a sense - just that simple for him. Guido was a very intelligent and yet very modest man who only needed a few things to be happy. all he wanted was his own bookshop, a woman whom he could love as a wife and a child whom he could love and care for as well. and he wasn't settling - that's just all he wanted - and you gotta respect that.

whilst you get to know Guido - you also become witness to how he meets with his love interest Dora who is played by Nicoletta Brashi, who happens to be Roberto's real life wife. how he then continues to woo Dora off her feet may come across as rather corny and even perhaps 'lame' at some points because of the 'unrealistic' nature of how things seemed to just 'happen' for him. i think it was done rather tastefully and 'just right'. it is after all just a movie and the intended effect of this particular part of the movie is (i would imagine) to make you smile to yourself and go 'hmm...' wistfully - knowing full well that it is totally unbelievable but it would be nice if something like that actually did happen. and actually, why not right?

the slapstick comedy and played out skits that i can only describe as 'Mr.Bean-ish' because of their elaborate nature may make you roll your eyes but i think it never crossed the line of 'lame-ness' and remained funny. intelligently so even.

then, once he successfully woos Dora, you fastforward a few years later to 1945 - and you arrive at the 2nd half of the movie - where the whole tone changes entirely. it becomes more serious, although in a light sort of way - there are many sub-text to be revealed if you think about it while watching. Guido now has his bookshop, a wife he loves and a 5 year old son. WWII is coming to an end and Jewish families were all being rounded up and being sent to concentration camps. the too young and the too old were sent to their deaths while the able bodied men and women were made to carry out 'slave' work.

Guido then feeds his son an illusion that they were actually all playing a game - so that the reality of the situation didn't sink in. Guido maintains this facade throughout their stay in the concentration camp while hiding his son from their captors since children were put to death as well. he does so even in the most dire of circumstances, even after he had a full days worth of 'slave' work and at the same time he reaches out to his wife, Dora whenever he got the chance. you see, men and women were separated in this camp and weren't allowed to see each other. Dora didn't even know whether Guido and her son were dead or alive. but Guido made sure that she knew - by stealing moments on the public announcement system or playing her favourite opera music and making sure the women's quarters could hear it.

it's truly an inspiring movie. Guido keeps up the facade right up to the very end - giving his wife, Dora and his son one of the most important things one must have but struggles to hold on to under such circumstances - hope.

i won't spoil the movie for you - if you haven't watched it - you should. let me re-iterate that - you simply must.

because despite all of life's flaws and tribulations - life can be truly beautiful. La Vita e Bella.

signing off, the commonjack.

p/s: memorable lines: off the top of my head right now...

"...we may be waiters who serve but we are never servants. just as God is the ultimate servant, He serves us but is not our servant. remember that."

there are more - but i can't remember the exact words at the moment - heh - will add them on later.