Revised TOP 5.

my top 5 list is finally revised. it's been years since i last edited my top 5...however, recently i have seen one whom without a shadow of a doubt has to be put into my list. regretably, that means one has to go. we shall observe a moment of silence for the exit of one who has occupied a spot on my top 5 list for a very, very long time.

(for a peek at my previous top 5 list...go to entry entitled 'eye candy'.)

alrights...here you go... commonjack's new top 5...*drum roll...

1. her place in number 1 has not been compromised by the recent revision of the list. here she stays unshake'd and constant...Miss Sarah Tan.



2. her place in number 2 also has not been compromised but in fact further strengthened when i watched 'Alfie' recently...Miss Marisa Tomei. i'll always have her in mind from the movie "Only You".



3. there has been a slight change with this number. Miss Angelina Jolie has now moved up from number 4 to number 3...no particular reason. i just feel like it. *grin (p/s: i love this picture of her.)



4. her position from number 3 has been taken but she is far from being dropped out of the list...Miss Scarlett Johansson.



now, as you can see...the 4 ladies above were also from my long-standing previous list...thus, if you have viewed or remember who number 5 was...well - you guessed it then...Miss Jeniffer Aniston. she is one who was on my very 1st list and has braved many a newcomer...when Miss Jolie came in after i watched her in 'Girl Interrupted' ... there was even a stiff battle with Miss Tea Leoni at one point. alas, she has finally lost and as such...a moment of silence pls... (pause).

alrightey then...for those of you who give a shit... *grin... here she is...new number 5...the newest and latest addition to Commonjack's top 5...i wonder whether she'll stay on for as long as Miss Aniston has...only time will tell...if you please...a warm welcome for...

5. Miss Sienna 'Rose' Miller! watched her in the movie 'Alfie' - not only is she great on the eyes...but she can act too. that one scene where she bares it all ... asking for another chance ... promising to change ... i fell in love. *sighs wistfully.



thats it. i'm out.

signing off...the commonjack.

constancy.

there are many things that are constant in this world. both scientifically & spiritually. it is an odd & unfortunate fact that we often do not appreciate these things that are constant. however, even if you do learn to appreciate the constant things - methinks you might not yet achieve true happiness.

actually, i think a person would be most happy if he/she is able to truly appreciate the inconsistent nature of things as well.

friends, family, & even loved ones are inherently inconsistent. as they say, 'death' is the one thing that is truly constant. we will all 'die' at some point. it is a check & balance mechanism that allows us to appreciate the advent of 'life'.

therefore, if you learn to embrace the inconsistency - which is an unalienable element of everything, you may be able to convert that element of inconsistency into one of constancy. allow me to explain ...

learn how to be in the 'here & now'. truly know what you have and then allow yourself to 'let it go' so that you remember what it was you had; not because its gone or that it left you - but because you actually truly had it at one point in your life.

that way - you'll always have it within you. that way, it becomes constant.

X

so how's that for a theory eh?

signing off - the commonjack.

for a friend.

dear 'all who read this blog',

if you remember a past entry titled, 'the good stuff' - i posted up something a friend (Poesy) wrote about me on Friendster.

well, i won't waste anymore of your time - just read what's below - and ... i don't know what to say...

X

Hi, I am Poesy. What I have to say might be news to some of you, but I shall try to make it short.

I am due for a CyberKnife surgery asap to remove/zap tumours left in my spinal cord during my last spinal surgery. These growths has persisted over the last 13 years and I have had to deal with paralysis and/or disabilities countless times. Over the years, my neurosurgeons have performed 2 major removals of these spinal tumours. I have fought hard to walk again every time. Due to having had those intrusive spinal surgeries, I am not to open up my spine again. In layman's terms, it is a big mess inside - with the old scar tissues, new scar tissues, damaged nerves, affected blood vessels and scattered residues of tumours - everything fused together. It is now practically impossible to do much with physical surgery, but the tumours will continue to affect me as they grow. These medical ordeals have left me with some permanent disabilities, albeit that I work hard at them to go as unnoticeable as possible. I am clearly lucky to even be walking again, and am determined to continue doing so.

After extensive research and obtaining different opinions from the most capable neurosurgeons around, I have been advised to seek a stereotactic radiosurgery called CyberKnife before I lose further functions of my legs. CyberKnife is a medical technology invented in Stanford 9 years ago and is the only one which is currently fit to operate on the spine. During my recent visit to Stanford University, it was decided that I am to undergo treatment within the period of Dec 05/Jan 06. This procedure will eliminate and disable reproduction of tumour cells, but it is not without risks.

I am writing this e-mail as an appeal for help. The surgery is going to cost USD$85,000. My insurance agency are not keen to speak to me at all. I am a little stuck at this point but am not willing to give up hope. Hence I am reaching out to friends for any form of contribution - be it help on raising this amount in such a short time or a personal/institutional donation. Every penny counts at this point to make up the amount!

I will be grateful for any kind of response. Thank you for your time. For further information on my condition, please feel free to contact me with the contact details listed below.

X

erm, i didn't feel right about posting up her contact details. so ... if you have any queries - leave a comment and we'll see what we can do eh?

signing off, the commonjack.

Julius Caesar.

for those of you who are in the country -

... lend me your ears ... (or rather - lend me your eyes?)

my attempts at breaking into the local theater scene is finally bearing some fruit. i've been casted in Julius Caesar (click to find out showtimes). if you're wondering who i'm playing, well - i'm not the Caesar himself ... but i've got a nice little role. :)

if you are free on any one of the said dates and more importantly, if you're interested, go on then - buy a ticket and come watch me - at the same time you'd be supporting the m'sian arts scene! *Grin.

take care y'all.

signing off - the commonjack.

good people?

i heard someone say, "There's no such thing as bad people. Just good people who do bad things."

the rationale behind the statement is that we all have a conscience. whether we choose to acknowledge it or not is of course another issue. but we all instinctively *know when we do something wrong. there's this faint alarm (for some it's louder) that goes off in the back of your head...sometimes it sends down a tingling sensation down your spine that some people mistakenly interpret as a 'adrenalin rush'. regardless, it's easy to ignore this alarm simply because most people do. the herd mentality affects most of us i guess.

however, that being said, i must admit that i myself sometimes react in the wrong ie 'bad' way 1st too. sometimes the bad thing is the 1st thing that comes out. and it takes a split second later for the good thing to see the light. the way i look at it, at least it comes out.

here's a little exerp from a book i'm currently writing which should illustrate what i mean by the last paragraph above:-

a little background before you read what is to follow ... Lucid is my main character of the story DREAM REALM in which i basically create this fictional world simply called the 'Dream Realm'. this world's source of energy are 'our' dreams from the mortal realm. as such, there's a body created specifically to watch over our dreams as there are 'evil' forces at work - supernatural beings who want to destroy the Dream Realm by destroying 'our' dreams and as such destroy us as well. so, Lucid is from the mortal realm who crossed over.

this is an exerp where Lucid is basically just keeping tabs of the girl he loved (Sarah) whom he had to leave in the mortal realm when he was forced to flee into the Dream Realm.

the story is not finished yet, so if you'd like to know more about this story...let me know. *Grins.

anyway, here it is, the exerp:

(parts of the exerp highlighted in RED are just interesting thoughts worth thinking about even if for just a moment and the part highlighted in BOLD RED is the part of the exerp that is directly related to the present blog entry.)

Lucid’s office …

Sarah’s file popped up, “Video playback or Report?” said the computer.

“Video playback please.” And Sarah’s dream from last night started. She was visiting me again. Well, my grave that is. And as always, it was raining. It always rained when she came to see me. She would be standing by my grave, dressed in black mourning clothes holding a black umbrella and she would proceed to tell me about what she’s doing at present. This would always be my favourite part.

X

“Hey Tiger, …” that’s my nickname, “…guess what? I’ve finally got my 1st novel published. Yup, it’s finally happened.” She stops and smiles, closing her eyes as she did so – I loved it when she did that because I could almost literally see the memory she was recalling in her head etched in her smile and glowing from her face. “I told you I’d get a book out before I was 40. I’m only 36 now and that means I’m right on schedule to get my first international best seller by 45.” She laughs again. I miss her laugh.

Suddenly, the expression on her face changes and her smile faded with a soft subtlety, “Tiger, there’s something I feel I should tell you. I’ve been keeping it from you for a long time now and I used to think it was unnecessary to let you know. But I feel things have changed now and well … you should know.”

The rain started to pour even harder and I suddenly saw myself standing right next to her. Sarah must have something really important to tell me. I only appear in her dreams when there’s something big like when her mother passed away or when she quit her law firm to concentrate on writing. She already just told me that her 1st book has been published – what else could be bigger?

Seeing myself in her dreams was always a treat. You see, when you see yourself in someone else’s dream – it feels really weird because there you are but not really. Since the last time I saw her was when I was 21, that was how I appeared to her. As fucked up as I was at that age, I would only appear to her with an aura of peace and serenity. I appear as how she perceived me to be and it’s always nice to see myself through her eyes because she saw the best in me and she brought out the best in me.

Everything that was ‘wrong’ with me was ‘right’ to her and when someone embraces your flaws with as much ease as they would your good qualities – you become ‘perfect’ in their eyes and mind. And that was how I appeared to her in her dreams – ‘perfect’.

“I’m engaged.” The words stung me right through and through. Sitting in my office, my whole surroundings faded away and I felt like I could not even breathe. “It’s that guy I talk to you about every now and again – Gary. Remember him?” she stopped to look at me (myself in her dream that is) and I just stood there looking lost and confused.

“I’m sorry Tiger, I don’t want to hurt you but Gary proposed to me and I said yes. He’s been good to me Tiger and I know that he loves me. I can see it in his eyes. And I guess I love him too. Not like I love you – it’s different but I do care for him.” She stops a moment to see how I would react, “…Come on Tiger, you have to say something.” She was going to cry.

I watched myself in her dream and saw myself walk over to her and hugged her almost without any hesitation. And I saw myself say, “Don’t cry. All I wish for you is for you to be happy. Don’t worry about me. I will always love you. And I will never forgive myself if you denied yourself happiness because of me. Live your life. Love and be loved. I will always be with you. And you will always be with me.” And I saw us both just stand there in the rain – holding each other.

She definitely saw the best in me. I would never react that way initially if it were really me standing there hearing that sort of news. The right thing to do in my case was always the 2nd thing I’d do rather than the 1st – if I did the right thing at all. And then she turned away and walked off as I let her go. I then saw myself fall to the ground on my knees and I watched myself trying very hard not to cry as tears formed and started rolling down my cheeks. Now that’s me.

Sarah really knew me, at my best. She knew that I would do the right thing and tell her to be happy. And she also knew that I would hurt. But she knew for a fact that I would never let her see me hurt. I’d wait till she would go.

That was me. On my knees, in the rain by my own grave – hurting.

that's it.

take care y'all.

signing off, commonjack.

'good person'

i am not a good person.



this is a train of thought that's been pulling at my insides lately. and i decided to blog it. i lay no claim to being a good person. i used to think that i was at some point of my life but now i dare not lay claim to such a label. i am no different from the next guy. i do not 'know' any better.

i just try my best to do the 'right' thing. that doesn't necessarily mean that it shows though. me saying that, "i try my best to do the right thing", are merely words. and to some people, who have been witness to my attempts may attest to the validity of such words. however, it may be fair to say that those who have been privy to such attempts are truly in their minority.

thus far, i've had my share of mistakes. i've wronged my fair share of people. i have also wronged myself. some of these negatives i greatly regret. others, i feel - are matters of inevitable consequence. i truly feel that some of the 'wrongs' i've committed were wholly unavoidable. some of those 'wrongs' HAD to happen. call it fate - call it any bloody thing you want. to me, it's because at that given time the 'wrong' was committed, given my personal circumstance as well as the other person plus the conditions surrounding the 'wrong' - there was no other way to go BUT the 'wrong' way.

they say 'you always have a choice' and i'd agree, but the choice available to me at the time of the 'wrongs' were not to fix the situation but only to delay the inevitable or to just let the inevitable happen. and since i am a person who would prefer to have things 'cut and dry' - if at all possible - i opted to just let the inevitable happen.

i have failed in my efforts to garner the only mantle of 'greatness' i thought was available to me; ie to be a 'good person'. i always figured, in my journey to attain such a status, in life i would probably 'NOT' be many things ... but at least no one can say that i was NOT a good person. at least, after all was said and done, i would always have that with me.

alas, i suppose that is not to be. for i am NOT a good person.

but i just try my very best to do the 'right' thing. i still do. and will always try - especially with matters and people that matter. i do *try. does that make me a 'good person'? i don't know.

oh well.

the case of a glorious night.

last night, my acting class with Joe Hasham was officially concluded. you may remember me mentioning my involvement with this class in 'the acting saga continues'.

anyway, last night was the culmination of the class - we (myself and my fellow 'actors') basically put on a 'presentation'. it wasn't a play. it wasn't a show. it was a 'presentation'.

what we presented was what we have been working on throughout the course of 10 weeks (slightly more actually - but it generally comes up to 10 classes lah).

here is the program for the night.

8 - 8.30 pm: Arrival of guests made up of friends and family.

8.30 - 9.15 pm: The Presentation:- which was made up of ...

1stly, 'Dear Bosie'. this is our interpretation of a 30,000 word letter that the famous Oscar Wilde to his lover, Alfred Douglas whose nickname was, 'Bosie'. of course, the letter we used was an abbreviated version of the original. it's quite difficult to explain what we did, but what we basically tried to do was to convey the letter to the audience with musical accompaniment (i played the guitar - Sheryl Crow's 'Strong Enough' was the music i chose to play) and *appearances (more on this later) so that the audience can 'feel' how Oscar must have felt when he wrote the letter. Or at least, our interpretation of how he might have felt from the extracts of the letter which we presented.

for more info on this whole Oscar Wilde and Bosie ... you may go to http://drake.marin.k12.ca.us/stuwork/comacad/poets/WILDE/bio.html OR this one for more a more detailed explanation: http://members.tripod.com/Barry_Stone/wilde.htm.

so through the Dear Bosie presentation, our aim as a group was to convey the emotions of Sadness, Anger, Disappointment, Love and Closure. once again, this was done via reading the letter aloud with music and appearances.

2ndly, we then performed our very own personal monologues. there are 13 of us and each of us basically related a personal story which has impacted our lives. here, as an audience, you would have been privy to moments of pure and unadulterated truth. some very private and revealing stuff were talked about and shared. through this exercise, we (as students) learned how to express ourselves or more importantly, learned not to be afraid of expressing ourselves.

3rdly, we each did *appearances. this is an exercise where a person would walk out to center stage and using only the body ... from facial expression to posing ... that person would want to convey an emotion.

each of us had the difficult task of conveying 4 emotions ie LOVE, ANGER, SORROW and LUST. this is a difficult exercise, even for seasoned theater performers simply because it's a full and complete exposure of one's self to a bunch of people. and you'd be amazed at what you can discover about someone when that person attempts to 'appear' in front of you as LOVE, ANGER, SORROW and especially LUST. you'd be able to see if someone is insecure about his or herself with any one of those emotions.

4thly, we presented some smaller group skits. there are basically 2 scripts with the same words and we were split into 5 groups. and these scripts, if read directly on paper, in which you are not given any type of context in which there words are supposed to be used - literally mean NOTHING. it was up to us as actors to use our creativity to invent scenarios and give meaning to the words. and i suppose the shock factor here was how different each group interpreted the same words and how absolutely different each scenario was.

and that was it. all in all, i would say it was a good presentation. nothing flashy. just honest, down to earth and cosy. no hamming it up for the crowd. it was more about us than trying to cater to the masses and that was the 'cool' factor about it.

oh well, on a more personal note - the only downer for me was that i really didn't have someone to share the glorious night with. it shouldn't be like that. it should be about self satisfaction and all that jazz right? yeah, but i guess i'm not that self sufficient. i guess for me to feel truly satisfied with something, i need to be able to share my success with someone. and i'm not just talking about a lover...friends to share in with would be ultra cool too, family...you know somebody...

so that when i come home after a glorious night and after i take my shower and get ready to go to bed, i won't wake up the next morning feeling as if 'nothing happened'.

oh well, it was a good night.

MY LOMO PICS!

dear ladies and gents,

visit commonjackslomo.blogspot.com for my very own collection of lomo pics.

in the future, you may click on MY LOMO PICS! under my links.

hope it keeps you reasonably entertained.

signing off - the commonjack.

Mortality.

according to dictionary.com - mortality is "the quality or condition of being mortal".

i come from a family in which i am 13 years and 10 years younger than my 2 other elder siblings. unlike most of my friends, my parents are not merely in their 50's - but are now well on their way into mid 60's. its scares me a little to think that when i arrive at my 30's like my brothers, i will not have the benefit of my parents being as 'keen' and 'alert' as they are now.

when i arrive at my 30's - which would be a solid 10 years from now - my parents would be in their 70's.

i'm not too sure but isn't the average life expectancy up to about 70-ish?

my brothers - in their 30's currently have only just begun their journey into the next phase of life...my eldest brother has started his own family. with one wife, one kid and another one on the way. methinks my 2nd brother has also begun to leave his 'playboy' days and is now properly looking. both of them already having a rather steady career path to trod along on - having their own homes...etc...

it's a little disconcerting to imagine myself being at that stage of my life later on - but without my parents around.

X

on a separate train of thought...

these days, i can see changes in the older generation of my family. people like my 'Ah Pak' ie my eldest uncle - my father's brother. there has been so much change in him. he used to be the guy in charge. he was the guy who would organise and get things going. from our 'cheng beng - where we go visit our ancestors graves and clean them and pay respect to their memory' to little dinners throughout the year. in a span of a mere 3 years, he now can barely stay awake if he is seated for too long. he can barely even walk up a small little hill at times without losing his balance.

another uncle of mine, on my father's side as well - 'Sei Pak' which basically means 4th uncle. he is a self made man. he started his own business and made his millions. always ready with something intelligent to say and would shoot down the brightest of scholars in a heartbeat because of his years of experience. age has slowed him down a lot. especially when it resulted in a fall which led to an operation to deal with a blood clot in his brain. after the operation - he is now almost like a child. it is quite sad.

basically - i can see a similar trait in all the men of my family regardless of generation. we are all very headstrong and strongwilled which can come across as just mere stubborness. we have a lot of pride in ourselves which allows us to carry ourselves with class and dignity which can also come across as stubborness.

one trait i find utterly similar in my father and his two brothers is the fact that they all have their pride and firmly believe that to be a leader of their own families, they have to be hard men. in the case of my uncles, i perceive them to be rather too hard on their children which to me - only makes it look as if they have very little faith in their own children.

that is the only difference between my father and his 2 brothers, he affords us more faith.

now that the tables are turned on my uncles ie the fact that they are no longer able to be in 'control' and order their children around - their children have taken over and seem to be 'ordering' him around instead. and its pitiful to see that because - my uncles don't seem to be treated with 'fatherly respect' right now.

i hope when the tables are turned on my own dad, my brothers and i will not do the same. hopefully, we will treat him with the 'fatherly respect' he deserves ... if only because unlike my 2 other uncles, he afforded in us more faith.

*sigh...

for those of you who don't already know and for those of you who actually wanna know,

i've received my results.

after all the shit i've had to go through to get them ie:

1. having to go down to college in KL - stressed as hell. as per the entry 'giler stress'.

2. then playing the waiting game for a phone call fr college. waited fr tues till fri - and i called them again as per 'update on results' - just to be told to wait till monday.

3. monday came - and i had to call London up to be greeted by nobody - which then resulted in me emailing them. only to be told to get in touch with the Examinations Syndicate in M'sia as per 'the results fiasco continues'.

4. when i went to their building - as per 'the results fiasco continues' - i am told that they've moved from Jalan Duta to Putrajaya(bloody on the other end of the world). so i call up their new number only to be told that they've sent my results to me via post.

so, technically, i went from KL to London to the Examinations Syndicate in Jalan Duta and then to the Examinations Syndicate in Putrajaya only to get my results sent to my very own house. i got it last friday, 9th Sept. and i only read it at 4 am on saturday, the 10th - cause i was out all day and most of the night.

and i guess - you'd be wondering how i did...

well - i passed. by the skin of my teeth. but who gives a shit? one more year. lets hope i can get my act together this time and do well.

till then.

later.

this is for the boys.

boys - we're all f**ked up in some way or another. we all know it. but the cool thing is - we don't really give a shit about that. we're all very different and it's becoming even more apparent these days than ever before. our personalities seem to clash and if you put our characteristics down on paper - it's a wonder we've all been friends for this long.

but as much as we clash - we blend well.

we never cared when other 'normal' people thought us useless or 'weird' or whatever negatives then can be thought up ... life was OK.

from the days when it was just a small group of us in Alisan, before we could drive, before we had work, before leaving school ... to the days when the small group became a bigger group at Zahir when all of us could drive and some of us had to work and all of us had left school ... and now.

this is a small tribute to all of you - people who i knew as boys and now are all becoming men. may life return to you guys all the 'companionship', 'ties' and 'connection' that all of you gave to me.















thanks boys. you know who you are.

ciao.
p/s: i just put up random photos lah. sorry guys - don't really have that many photos of all of us in my comp. i ain't the one with the digital camera. no favouritism going on here. heh.

this can't be it.

i'm pissed off all the time. just the other day my friend spongy said, "you ever get to a point in your life where you feel things are so good, you feel like testing it? like tryin' to phuck up on purpose and see whether things still turn out good??"

well - he didn't say that exactly lah, but thats the gist of it.

and the reply that i came up with was rather disturbing - although i just laughed it off at the time.

i said, "no. i've never been at such a point before. most of the time - for me - things are so bad that i think it can't get any worse. so, to test whether it could get any worse - i try and f**k up some more just to see if it does get any worse."

well, i don't have anything to say anymore.

funny how that works.

i'm just pissed off. who isn't?



enough of this shit. later.

the results fiasco continues.

monday came. no results. i decided to get in touch with someone in London. tried calling. nobody picked up. so i sent an email. i received the reply in the afternoon. i was told to get in touch with the M'sian Examinations Syndicate. i called up my college and they gave me a number.

tried calling and couldn't get through. so, today i drove to the Examinations Syndicate building over at Jalan Duta. turns out, they've moved to Putrajaya! i wasn't about to take a 45 minute drive there and take another 45 mins back! so i asked for a number to call and called.

took me about 15 mins to explain to the clueless person on the other side of the line what it is i wanted - only to be told that they had received the results from London but have only just posted them to the relevant recepients (such as moi) yesterday!

"do you all have a copy of the results?" i ask.

"no." they answer.

"so how?" i ask.

"wait lah." they say.

f**king hell.

the good stuff.

when times get tough - a wise man said, "try and remember the good stuff..."


so here i am trying to remember the good stuff. and i came across my own friendster account. but before i there - allow me a little trip off tangent for a moment...

the art of writing a testimonial for another person.

according to dictionary.com - testimonial means:
A written affirmation of another's character or worth; a personal recommendation.

its quite a meaningful thing. its a PERSONAL recommendation. an AFFIRMATION of another's character or worth ... geez - i don't know about you, but i think it's quite a big deal. what i personally feel about another person's worth - the testimonials i write for others are well thought up and are not written or given for the mere sake of doing a testimonial. if i do one, i'd wanna try my utmost to make it worth something.

and yet you get a lot of people out there writing stuff like - "...he's nice, she's sweet, yada yada...". i guess it's just me making a mountain out of a molehill but i think those sort of adjectives make me go, "oh really? well, thanks."

when i write a testimonial, i want to try and make the recepient of it go, "WOW. i never knew he thought of me that way..." and hopefully give the person a little smile.

at that - i digress. back to "the good stuff".

reading some of the good stuff friends wrote about me are really cool. most of them put a little smile on my face. but the best was one that came from an unlikely source. someone whom i didn't think knew me that well and yet she saw parts of me i never really noticed myself. (LOL - i just realised this last sentence sounds a little dodgy...but nevermind...)

reading what she wrote about me always puts a smile on my face...so here it is for you guys to have a little read.

*Commonjack is my ever-ready most dependable guy in law school - although I started off thinking that he was a flake for flaking off our attempts of study-meets so many times. Little did he suspect, I was actually quite happy to flake off myself too, but will never allow myself the indulgence unless someone else flaked off the meeting.. ooh, what a blah..

anyway, *Commonjack and his occasional 'out of the blue', 'no reason at all', 'though it seems like a very good reason to join him' chuckles, halfway through class, makes me want to sit next to him every single time.

Plus he is always following what is going on in class if I ever get lost. And he doesn't gossip or complain or blab incessantly like most people his age, *Commonjack was my appointed shepherd for my law studies.. but alas I was the lost sheep without the brains to find my way. It shows that I am the bigger flake..

For all his wonderfully mad stories, which he installed at my website .http://poesyliang.net has no doubt entertained lots of idiots out there, me included. Fellow idiots, do click here to read Shawn John Michael here .http://www.poesyliang.net/Article_view.asp?CatID=18. for hours of wonderfully idiotic pleasure. You will find yourself achieving that 'idiotic no reason at all' chuckle that Michael has perfected. The danger is it WILL be infectious. Oh well, perhaps the world needs more chuckling idiots than angry 20-somethings...

All in all, *Commonjack, thanks for standing out during the first day of the Criminal Law lectures or I wouldn't have spotted you like the bossy bitch vulture I am.
Little did I know that you are an aspiring stage performer. Thank god you don't have that naturally vain personality or I would have to delete you from my Friendster. Keep up the great job in being the earnestly good boy you try to be.
Good luck for your exams. Pass me all your notes and sell me all your books after that please? Haha..

that was testimonial number 1. then she wrote me a second one! (after i wrote her a pretty good one myself! heh)

Thanks for writing one of the best testimonials for me. It was thought provoking.

*Commonjack is generously helpful too. He got my registration forms and sent it all the way to my house with a crazy companion one night. If he didn't do that, I would probably be a law school drop-out (although there is no saying that I wouldn't be, just that with his help I won't drop out this year).

GURLSSSSS. This is the man! The epitome of a sensitive gay man in a heterosexual being. Goodlooking (a bit hitam manis), gentleman, potentially dresses well (he doesn't seem to care), smart, very sensitive, earnest to goodness.

Don't you ever turn gay or I won't have an example of good guys out there who likes women. And don't ever be a two-timing bastards like so many guys out there who has it all. Anyway, hang in there bloke with your studies.

Don't tear your hair out cos I think you look better with hair!

yep. that's it. poesy, if you ever read this - thank you.

aih - f**kin' exam results...i still don't have 'em!

update on results.

for those of you who actually wanna know lah...

some massive cock-up going on... long story short - they are sending my results to me via email.

"when?" i ask.

"if not this week then by next Monday" they say.

"oh" i say.

and that's it. what to do? bum around some more lah!

f**k - i'm not even sure whether i'm worried anymore. i don't know what to feel about it.



it's like i'm waiting for the 'knife' to fall ... but i don't even know whether i should be afraid of it anymore...

later.

giler stress. (f**king results)

ok - here's what happened. this entry is directly connected to the previous entry entitled 'humour me'. this entry would be about my results.

basically, on the Aug 29th - i received a text letting me know that the much dreaded results of my bloody exam were being released. but i was working and i couldn't go get them. so i figured i go get it early the next day and beat the masses lah.

couldn't sleep the whole night - worried like a sick little idiot, wondering what would happen if this or that or this or that happened...

however, i did fall asleep eventually. and as such - woke up later than i wanted to. so i ended up at college at around 12 ish pm instead of in the morning. then i was told that my results were with the vice principal. so i had to go and see him. went into his office and had to wait around for about 10 minutes before he could speak to me because he was busy speaking to other people on the phone.

after which - he asked me for my candidate number - which i of course forgot. he tried looking for my name but couldn't find it. so i was instructed to go home and look for it and call him back.

geez - as if it didn't take so much out of me just to bloody drive to college by myself to get my results in the 1st place. now i was being forced to wait even longer. so i reach home. got my number and called the college up again.

just to be told that they couldn't find my results again, "...oh i'm sorry. it looks like you're one of those students whose results have been misplaced. give me your name and number, i will calling the Uni of London up to source out your results. and we'll be in touch with you within the next few days."

within the next few days!?? what the hell does that mean! geez. so, yeah. thats what happened.



f**ks.

La Vita e Bella.

taking a cue from my dear friend habitualdamnation - i have decided to do a little review - simply because i don't feel like blogging anything too personal at the moment. i'm in a fragile state right now - i just might reveal more than i'd like. see ... i'm doing it right now!

i digress.



as i was saying, this is an entry about La Vita e Bella which is italian for Life is Beautiful. (click to read a proper full on review. what you will read here is merely my own opinion which is obviously rather biased.) The movie is the product of Italian comic sensation Roberto Benigni, who wore three hats for Life is Beautiful: director, co-writer, and star.

this movie holds some sentimental value for me in fact. for i bagged my 1st ever girlfriend watching this movie at TGV 1U at the tender age of 16. it is rather unfortunate that the ensuing relationship was far less memorable if compared to the movie. haha.

at any rate, i believe that this movie is excellent. you could split this movie down in half because there are 2 very separate tones to the movie.

the 1st half would be about Roberto's character, Guido travelling to the city. i myself grew fond of his character for his 'life' and energy. believing he could do anything simply because he wanted to. life was - in a sense - just that simple for him. Guido was a very intelligent and yet very modest man who only needed a few things to be happy. all he wanted was his own bookshop, a woman whom he could love as a wife and a child whom he could love and care for as well. and he wasn't settling - that's just all he wanted - and you gotta respect that.

whilst you get to know Guido - you also become witness to how he meets with his love interest Dora who is played by Nicoletta Brashi, who happens to be Roberto's real life wife. how he then continues to woo Dora off her feet may come across as rather corny and even perhaps 'lame' at some points because of the 'unrealistic' nature of how things seemed to just 'happen' for him. i think it was done rather tastefully and 'just right'. it is after all just a movie and the intended effect of this particular part of the movie is (i would imagine) to make you smile to yourself and go 'hmm...' wistfully - knowing full well that it is totally unbelievable but it would be nice if something like that actually did happen. and actually, why not right?

the slapstick comedy and played out skits that i can only describe as 'Mr.Bean-ish' because of their elaborate nature may make you roll your eyes but i think it never crossed the line of 'lame-ness' and remained funny. intelligently so even.

then, once he successfully woos Dora, you fastforward a few years later to 1945 - and you arrive at the 2nd half of the movie - where the whole tone changes entirely. it becomes more serious, although in a light sort of way - there are many sub-text to be revealed if you think about it while watching. Guido now has his bookshop, a wife he loves and a 5 year old son. WWII is coming to an end and Jewish families were all being rounded up and being sent to concentration camps. the too young and the too old were sent to their deaths while the able bodied men and women were made to carry out 'slave' work.

Guido then feeds his son an illusion that they were actually all playing a game - so that the reality of the situation didn't sink in. Guido maintains this facade throughout their stay in the concentration camp while hiding his son from their captors since children were put to death as well. he does so even in the most dire of circumstances, even after he had a full days worth of 'slave' work and at the same time he reaches out to his wife, Dora whenever he got the chance. you see, men and women were separated in this camp and weren't allowed to see each other. Dora didn't even know whether Guido and her son were dead or alive. but Guido made sure that she knew - by stealing moments on the public announcement system or playing her favourite opera music and making sure the women's quarters could hear it.

it's truly an inspiring movie. Guido keeps up the facade right up to the very end - giving his wife, Dora and his son one of the most important things one must have but struggles to hold on to under such circumstances - hope.

i won't spoil the movie for you - if you haven't watched it - you should. let me re-iterate that - you simply must.

because despite all of life's flaws and tribulations - life can be truly beautiful. La Vita e Bella.

signing off, the commonjack.

p/s: memorable lines: off the top of my head right now...

"...we may be waiters who serve but we are never servants. just as God is the ultimate servant, He serves us but is not our servant. remember that."

there are more - but i can't remember the exact words at the moment - heh - will add them on later.

it's coming.

woah ... the months have really flown by.



i feel like i've been in a form of hibernation. not sure of what to do and as such i do a little bit of this and a little bit of that - just to keep me busy until hibernation period is up. i do stuff with minor goals in sight but nothing really concrete because i have no idea what i'll have to do once my results come out.

if they are good - life goes on. and i'll handle whatever that comes my way.

if they are bad - i might have to think about quitting. i might have to think of alternatives. or i may just have to go on. none of which are prospects i look forward to in any way.

for more info on what i'm talking about above...refer to past entry entitled, 'humour me'.

so what have i been doing in the past 3 months of my holidays? well, i've worked a lot. asking my manager to give me any class he needs me in. cause i'm flexible and well, work helps keeps my mind off things. also, the extra cash would come in handy.

what else, i've done more writing - as mentioned in previous entry of alone. but that has been going rather slower than i would like. i've tried writing more songs but i seem to have stumbled upon another block. i did sing more and even performed an open mic session as per my singing debut. i'm in the acting class as per the acting saga continues.

umm, i also put my effort in looking for 'voice over' gigs with relevant companies all over town. of course, from this - nothing has come to fruition.

i got a small role in a local tv drama. nothing big. but it was cool to be a part of that. check it out if you're free, it's impian illyana on NTV7 almost every other day. you can check out the local newspaper regarding when it is showing or you can click here. i should be in episodes 30 - 40. no, not all of them but 1 or 2 episodes back to back ie it could be epi34 and epi35 or the like. to be honest, i'm not sure.

i've also bought a new lomo camera. http://www.lomography.com/about/ is a site you can go to if you have no idea what a lomo camera is. i bought the lomo camera which is called the action sampler and mine has flash capabilities so that i can take pictures at night and in dark places. since i can't draw for nuts - why not try taking pictures eh? the camera uses regular film - so chill lah. once i get a fair collection of decent looking 'artsy' or just plain 'goofy' lomo pictures, i'll have them scanned and put 'em up here. something to look out for in the near or not so near future.

besides that, i've been doing standard stuff around the house, catching up with my dvds, strategising a plan of how i am going to restore the old Citroen ZX my Father has finally decided to let me use exclusively. if you haven't a clue what a ZX looks like ... click here. but what you will see upon clicking is a very nicely maintained and done up version. mine is this green. it's old and it's leaking all over the place. and the tires need replacing. the engine needs retuning. the throttle body needs cleaning and perhaps even replacing. the engine mounting needs to be looked at. there's something wrong with the wiring in connection to the radio. and of course, the speedometer needs to be replaced. right now, i can only guess how fast i've been driving.

so now you may understand why i am 'strategising'.

that's basically it. how am i feeling? - you may ask. well, kinda f**ked up. but nothing i can't handle. it's all good. i guess. could be worse. could always be worse.

so yeah. how you guys doin'?

sigining off, the commonjack.

Schweet stuff.

digressing from most of the moody stuff that i tend to write about here on this blog - i've decided this time to write about 2 conversations i've had with my Mum which i want to remember ...

1st conversation: i was about to go out and i popped into my Mum's 'office' in the house just to let her know that i was going out and as usual - don't wait up.

• Mum: where you going?
• Me: i'm just going out to have some drinks with the guys lah. (and i sat down to put on my socks)
• Mum: you know...i had an odd dream last night.
• Me: uh huh...what about?
• Mum: i dreamt that i was at some mall with you and you must have been only 5 or 6. and i told you to stay put while i went away for a while. but when i turned around to look for you. i saw you walking away in the other direction and i tried calling you but you couldn't hear me. and you just kept walking. and i couldn't find you.
• Me: ...
• Mum: weird dream.
• Me: don't worry lah Mum. i won't be going anywhere anytime soon. i still need to live in your house. Heheh.

and i gave my Mum a little hug - which is very rare in this family. and i left.

2nd conversation: over dinner one night - just Mum and Me.

• Me: mum ah...i've been getting a lot of surprised and perplexed reactions from friends when i tell them that i've just been hired as a kickboxing instructor.
• Mum: yes?
• Me: no lah...i was just curious. 'cause when i told you about it. you were like , "Ok. How much will they pay you?" weren't you the least bit surprised or confused as to how after doing kickboxing for such a short while - out of the blue - i get offered a job to be an instructor?
• Mum: no.
• Me: you weren't curious at all?
• Mum: no.
• Me: why not?
• Mum: you pick things up quite quickly. you're quite talented what ... you're a natural. and you seem to be able to do so many things. so it doesn't surprise me anymore.
• Me: ...
• Mum: why? should i be surprised?
• Me: (smiles) i guess not...
• Mum: finish the food lah ... don't leave little bit of this and little bit of that ...
• Me: *sigh... ok lah Mum.

schweet innit? my Mum annoys the hell outta me sometimes. and sure she may not understand many things about me. but there are moments of 'light' ... which make up for most of it.

signing off - the commonjack.

humour me.

it's Aug! shit. reality is knocking at the door and come Sept - my holidays will be over...and then i'll have to deal with some shit. oh well...in that vein - continue reading...

X

okok - here's how its gonna work. i'm gonna give you guys, *my dear readers, a scenario. and at the end of it. i'ma gonna ask a question. if you feel like it - answer it in all honesty. there's no censoring here. and i try not to judge. so you can say anything you want. wokay? here goes...

SCENARIO:
life is going well for X. doesn't have a 1st class family. nobody really communicates. rare family meals. everyone's got their own thing. family breaks apart every now and then. but push come to shove - the family trudges along through it all.

X is a generally nice person. X could be described as a guy who's a bit of an extrovert but shy all the same. not a pure extrovert. X is far from what people would refer to as 'a social butterfly' but is outspoken in 'small doses'.

leads a rather active and diversified lifestyle in the sense that - he can find it within himself to appreaciate the finer things like art - although in a very rudimentary sense (X is not exactly one of those people you see at art galleries going, "I think this particular tree at the corner of this painting symbolises life and how it seems far away in the corner but growing strong..." etc...).

X appreciates literature and is familiar with names like Kafka, Austen, Shakespeare, Pablo Neruda, Joyce, Yeats, John Keats, etc...but also in a very rudimentary sense. X may know these names but has not read most of them and is most likely gonna face great difficulty to fully appreciate the greatness that these literary greats possess when X attempts to pick these greats up and try to read them.

but put all that arty, finer things in life aside - X is also just a regular person. for example, X likes sports. X plays everything from badminton to squash, from golf to basketball to football, from pool to snooker etc.

X enjoys having a midnight teh tarik at the mamak. X loves great food and this encompasses everything from the things you get at 5 star hotels to what you can get from hawker stalls set up on the streets or back alleys of Malaysia...

so you get the picture of what X is like - this may or may not be helpful in answering the question.

so now X is leaving school. X is not one of those people who know exactly what they want to be like a doctor, lawyer, teacher, police officer, singer, actor, barber -. but X seemed a little partial towards a degree in Mass Comm.

however, X was advised by Father and Brother that Law is a good way to go too. it's a degree that attaches with it some 'class' and prestidge. and it'd be challenging. you'd be learning something with more 'substance'. you'd be trained to think at another level. and once you graduate - you can still go into lines of work that the study of Mass Comm degree prepares you for!

(note: i am in no way putting down the course of Mass Comm and glorifying the study of Law - i'm just givin' ya a scenario. =>)

X agreed.

X did rather well in the 1st year of the study of Law. but all the while - X's heart wasn't in it. it was like studying Chemistry, Physics, Geography, Add Math in secondary school. it felt like it's just something that X needed to study and get it over with.

and with that - things just got worse in the 2nd year. subjects were 'drier' and 'bulkier' but unfortunately in no way simpler. X ended up failing the year and had to re-do it all over again.

X experienced the same problems. couldn't seem to rise above it to do well. if possible, X became even more 'dis-interested'. X began to detest Law. X got irritated easily, flustered and extremely disheartened at the fact of not being able to rise above it all to just 'do' the damn course. X knew that if X could just put in the work - X could pass and do well even. X knew it wasn't because X was stupid. X looks at some of the clowns who get through and that being the case, why can't X get through?

so X experienced moments of 'light' and felt as though it was do-able at some times. but X found that it was a difficult energy to sustain and fell short time and again. X felt like X was walking against the currents of a river and it was getting stronger and stronger the further up-river he got. and up to a certain point - X kept on getting swept back down the river only to get up and trudge along again.



X failed again.
___________________________________________________________________

now the question: X has already spent 3 years doing Law. X should be graduated by now. it's a 3 year course. but X is stuck in the 2nd year.

Would you do the year again? or Would you throw in the towel and go for another course?

neither answer will be easy. doing it again would mean going through the same shit and worse still - for the 3rd time. throwing in the towel would mean learning new subject matter right from the 1st year. and most degree courses would take another 3 to 4 years. it'd be some time before X can get out of 'student' status and join the 'rat race'. and not too mention numerous other remonstrances from family, society, himself, etc.

Note: we all know who X is - but i don't like to use names here. i'll refer to you as whatever you refer yourself to be. so like i said in the title of this entry - *humour me. :)

signing off - the commonjack.